I Still Got "It". . . .Sort of.

A quiet Sunday morning, vanilla coffee, fresh bagel. Doesn't get much better than this. Well, it would if there was a warm women still asleep in my bed. One can dream, can't he? It is a beautiful weekend here in NYC, but it also is a bit down. My good friends are all away. I'd be away myself but I had to give lessons yesterday. And all my family is out of state. (I miss you a lot, Katie!) So I'm here alone today. I have had some interesting experiences to share, though.

Friday night I take the N Train into the City to Union Square. (Side note: There is only one city in the planet that can be called "The City" with a capital C. And that is New York City, specifically Manhattan. No other city compares. Not saying it's the best, just saying that nothing compares to New York City. End Side note.) My destination was the Strand Bookstores. 18 miles of books, new and used. In other words, a place that is near heaven for a geek like me. My goal was to try to find a used copy of The Davinci Code. Not that I felt I had to jump on the bandwagon and join everyone and their mother who has read it, but I was ordered by my ex-girlfriend to read that book. She said that I would get so engrossed in it that it would take my mind off all the things its pondering.

I had gone to dinner with her during the week and we talked about a variety of topics. One of them was the bookclub that she's in and the books that she is currently reading. One of the things that I liked while we were still together is that I would get to read whatever she was reading after she finished. She admonished me for not reading The Davinci Code saying that is was right up my alley with all it's stuff on religion, conspiracy theories and theology ideas such as Jesus being married to Mary Madgelene. I am a huge religion nut (as in studying it, not ramming it down people's throats) and I remembered her reading that book as we were in bed at night. She say, "Jim, did you know about the Knights Templar and the Mary Madgelene angle in the Jesus story?" And I'd say "Yes", and then rattle on for 20 minutes about all the things I had read.

So Strand only had the hardcover for a price I didn't want to pay. I really wanted a paperback version so I could read it on the subway. Plus, they didn't have the other books for which I was looking. (No dangling participle there, Tesser!) But I don't mind spending time in a book store browsing. So I go across Union Square to Barnes and Nobles where I end up buying The Davinci Code, in hardcover and at a cheaper price than Strand, and the Robert Fulghum book I've been looking for with the particular essay I was looking for on marriage.

I leave Barnes and Nobles and as I walk down the block there are two women crosses the street and one of them looks me up and down. We make eye contact about three times and she has a very, very pretty face. The kicker. . . she's a midget or dwarf and only comes up to my waist. (Which to some men would be the perfect fantasy.) Only in New York, right?!

This is the second time in the past two months I have been checked out by a little person. The first time was here in Astoria by this guy that looked like the love child of Tattoo from Fantasy Island and a frog. He was wearing this purple velvet pimp sport coat and walking a little white poodle. 3 dollar bill, y'all!! I got a look from him that said, "Mmm, mmm, I'd like to sop you up with a biscuit!" (Well, that's what he would have said if we were in the South.) Now, I don't mind getting looks from men. As I've said before, the male ego has no sexual preference. But this guy weirded me out. What weirds me out more is that he goes to my gym.

Ok, onto Saturday. I get invited to a cook-out at my co-worker's house out on Long Island. Now my co-worker is a complete nut. She is hilarious, out-of-control and will talk about anything sexual in nature. At her house she starts telling me about her grandfather and how he was so excited to have his erection back after it being going for months. Go Viagra!! And she proceeds to tell me how her grandmother took advantage of that. ( I really didn't need to hear that story.)

Well, her grandmother, who is at least in her late 70's, tells my co-worker something in a Haitian form of French. My co-worker says to me, "Wooo, my grandmother just said that she thinks you are sensuous!"

Hmm, I said, "Thank you. . . .I think."

So, there you have it folks. I'm a wanted man by midgets and grandmothers! Good to know that I still have "it."

Random Wednesday

I am calling today “Random Wednesday” because from it’s start at 12:00 AM to today there have been nothing but random oddness going on. It is the afternoon as I type this and I am hoping this weirdness won’t continue into the night.

1. So I am up late with insomnia. I am in the middle of writing a letter to a friend (yes, actually physically writing a letter and not an email) when my phone rings. The caller id says “Private Number”. I’m worried that it may be a my Mom with bad news, or who knows. So I answer and it is this guy calling from Monteseri Hospital saying he is calling to let me know that Michael has been shot.

Whoah. . . give me a little warning first. Tell me that you have bad news and that I should sit down.

And second, and more importantly, who the fuck is Michael?! I don’t know any Michaels other than my cousin in New Jersey and my other cousin in Florida. So I ask for this Michael’s last name. The guy says “Michael Jackson.” I had to stifle a laugh. I kept my composure because this guy sounded so serious and I could hear hospital noises in the background. Apparently, my number was one of the last numbers Michael called from his cell-phone. Odd, because my phone has been relatively silent the last few days.

So I apologize to the guy that I don’t know Michael Jackson. And I feel bad. People get shot every day here in NYC, but here is someone who doesn’t have anybody know that he’s been shot and they call me. Great, as if I needed another thing to keep me up!

2. I am here at work and my co-worker comes in. She says, “You wouldn’t believe the exchange that I just had with this lady while parking my car!”

I know I am walking straight into the Random-Zone so I reply, “What happened?”

“So I am parking my car and this woman yells out the window, “Miss! You can’t park there!” I say back, “Why not?!” And the lady says, get this, “I got to sweep the rain out of the street!”

Ok, folks. Let’s review what this woman said, “I got to sweep the rain out of the street!” Isn’t that physically impossible, especially since it’s still raining!?! And where are you going to sweep it to? Back onto the sidewalk? It’s in the street and it will eventually go down the sewers. That is how it works in the city.

3. Then my friend instant messages me with a joke regarding this new flash game to which I’ve become addicted. I am ashamed to say how much I have enjoy this game. It is so WRONG!! It’s called Kitty Cannon. Yeah, I know. I’m going to hell for liking this so much. My record distance is 2,006 yards. (For the record, I do not, in any way, endorse or condone real violence towards real animals. That is just despicable.)


4. In the afternoon I call people to come into interview for positions in my department. I have already written about the hiring process and the mental giants we get applying in an old post. So you can imagine the caliber of people I’m calling. I call one person and she has music playing on her outgoing message for a whole 2 minutes and then the beep. No name as to whose I am calling. No "Please leave a message" or some other statement as to what she'd like me to do when the beep happens. Yeah, that’s really good when people are calling you for a job.

Furthermore, it was crappy music and sounded horrible! You give some one a answering machine and all of sudden they’re a DJ. Also, don’t people realize that this things compress the sound to be able to fit in the memory so you lose a lot of audio quality. If I was calling her from my cell-phone I’d be pissed and would have told her off for wasting my minutes with her crappy music selection.

5. So I take a break to go to the bank. And there is a traffic jam on the block. Two trucks double park on either side on the street. And people are back up in both directions trying to go through the middle of two truck which only has space for one car. The horns start honking. And it was like that for at least 20-30 minutes.

Do you think the truck drivers thought for one minute that they were going to cause huge problems? Of course not, their brains aren’t that big. These guys looked like they're the first generation to walk erect! Common sense people, is that too much to ask?

6. I read an article that Voyager 1 left the solar system this week after being launched 26 years ago. Great! Let’s tell the aliens where we are! You know they’ll just love to come here to shop at Wal-Mart and watch Reality TV! Or maybe they’ll get addicted to the next Paris Hilton story and download her video on the internet.


7. As as it turns out the day has ended somewhat normal. (It's 8:40pm EST as I type #7.) I had dinner with friend and it is just another rainy night. I'm tired and I think I'll actually go to be at a decent hour tonight. Granted it won't mean much when the Hellions wake me up at 6:30AM, but a peaceful sleep until then will be good. Hopefully, no more randomness for Thursday.

Scattered Pieces, Connecting Thread

I was feeling a little down this weekend. My allergies progressed to give me a nasty sore throat. So I just slept Friday night instead of going out to see friends’ bands. Saturday, I had lessons and then went and saw the new Stars Wars movie with Steve. The movie didn’t suck as much as I expected. (His wife wouldn’t go with him. I’ve told him if he wants her to go with him to the guy movies, like Stars Wars, then he needs to sit through the chick flicks, like The Notebook.) Then I had dinner with his family. Lil’ Steve was awesome as usual. (I really love that guy.)

But Saturday night, as I got home, and into Sunday I had the blahs, both physical and emotionally. Who knows which caused the other? I think part of me is feeling down because where I am and where I want to be aren’t the same yet. I’ve had tastes of what might become and in my Aries’ impatience I get frustrated. (Or perhaps just frustrated at myself.) For instance, this was my horoscope for the week of May 5th. (Of course, written by Rob Breszny. You can read my post regarding my like for his horoscopes here.)

“The planning for a typical wedding lasts from 7 to 12 months. Getting ready for the birth of a child usually requires every minute from the time people find out they're pregnant until the delivery day. I foresee you experiencing an event in early 2006 that will resemble both of these happy yet challenging events. It might be something like the birth or dramatic renewal of a relationship. Or it could be the launch of a partnership that will ask everything of you, and give just as much. I suggest you start your preparations.”

Ok, this is all well and good, Universe. Normally, I am a very patient man. But if I am to start my preparations, then why the fuck do I have these allergies which are laying me on my ass!?! I’ve new songs written that I can’t even sing yet because I haven’t been able to do any vocal exercises to get my voice back in shape.

Also, what is it that is going to happen, Universe? Is it going to be a birth of a relationship, a dramatic renewal of a relationship or a launch of a partnership? It would help to know which one it was so I know where to focus my energy! Because all three are nice and exciting prospects, but c’mon, throw me a bone here.

Then as if to tell me to have the patience I normally don’t have, the horoscope for the week of May 19th said:

“The advice I have for you may not go over well with the part of you that's prone to acting like a battering ram. Nevertheless, I'm convinced it's the correct thing to do, so please suppress your head-butting instincts for now, and heed these bits of wisdom from ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tsu. 1. "The softest thing in the universe overcomes the hardest thing in the universe." 2. "In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it."

Rob, can you look into my life any more!?! Is my roommate calling you with what is going on? How the hell do you know that there is something I want more than anything right now, something that I have wanted for years, that I want to just run into headlong? So you're saying I have to be smooth like "Don Juan de la Nooch?" Rob, you offer me great reminders to have patience, which I will touch on in a little bit. Namely, what is that softest thing? What is being identified with water? (Those who have read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse will know where I am going to go with those two quotes by Lao-Tsu.)

So this weekend I felt like all that I have in my hands are scattered pieces that I can’t see how they’ll work. On Sunday morning as I was drinking cinnamon coffee, I open one of my books of daily meditations. ( Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie. I also highly recommend by her The Language of Letting Go.) Not paying attention to what day I was to read it opens to October 29, aptly titled “The Scattered Pieces Will Come Together,” and this is what it said.

”Scattered pieces. Sometimes we look around, and that’s what we see. Scattered pieces of ourselves, our lives, a project, a season of our lives. Where is the connecting thread, we wonder? How can we pull this together into something that makes sense, something with purpose, something with meaning?

There are pieces to every whole; yet each piece is complete. Don’t worry about how they will come together. Work joyfully on the piece that’s before you, the piece that’s in your life today.

There are many pieces of you, many beautiful parts. The universe will help you bring all those parts alive. It will bring mirrors to you, people who will reflect those beautiful pieces back to you. Look in the mirror of your life. What pieces do you see reflected? Know it’s you you’re seeing. Then let that part of you come alive.

Pull in the parts of yourself, the many beautiful parts that have come alive. Beckon your warrior, your healer, your playful child. Bring together your professional self, your adult, the passionate part of you, the nurturing part. Let all the parts come together. Don’t send any of them away. You need them all. Each is a beautiful piece of the soul, the life, the person you are.

Trust. Trust the process. Joy is yours, available for the asking and desiring – even in the developmental stages. Even before the puzzle has been put together. The scattered pieces will come together – the scattered pieces of yourself, your project, your life. The connecting thread is love. (emphasis mine)

The picture will be beautiful. Wait and see.”

How did the book know that I just wrote about someone being a mirror to me? (See last post.) And how many times in the past months have I been told, “don’t worry things are working themselves out. Be patient, Jim.”? It was a message I needed to hear again. So as the day went on, I tried to keep telling myself this. Why is the lesson so hard to learn?

I guess it’s a matter of trust. (Who knew that Billy Joel would be a font of wisdom?) And trust is something I am relearning. I think that is something I may have touched on in the last post.

I emphasized the last sentence in the paragraph, “The connecting thread is love,” to reconnect it with the advice of Lao-Tsu. What is the softest thing that can conquer the hardest thing? Simple. Love.

In the book Siddhartha, the title character spends many hours meditating by the river. And the lesson he learns from the water is that Love is the most important thing, and truly the most powerful thing. For the water (love) can breakdown even the biggest boulder into tiny pebbles given enough time. Until it achieves that goal, it surrounds the boulder, goes around and over the boulder. Its flow never stops.

If I wanted to take this lesson one step further, then I can turn to the Letters to John and the most important verse in all of the New Testament. “God is love.” So the last sentence of the last paragraph of the mediation could then read, “The connecting thread is God.”

Wasn’t it always said “Let Go and Let God” in the Alateen meetings I went to when I was younger? To detach from the outcome, to detach from the need to control was a step towards serenity. I could use some serenity. Perhaps I should listen to the repeated lessons and trust that connecting thread, God?

And at the same time I need to ask myself are there things in my life to which I can give love so I won’t feel like I am just passively waiting? Yes. And is there someone, or are there some ones, in my life to whom I can give love? Yes. Then, I will be like the water to the boulder and say, “I love you,” as I flow over the boulders of fear to eventually turn them to pebbles. It is what I have been doing for years and I will continue to do it. Water can not be anything other than that which it is.

That will be the preparation for whatever is to come. So let it begin with me. And let it begin with love. If you stick around, I’ll let you know what it brings me in early 2006. Now if these damn allergies would just go away. . . .

Seeing My Reflection in the Mirror

One of the things I love most about my friend who visited me this past weekend is that she is such a great mirror for me. By mirror I mean that she reflects who I am, both good and bad, back to me so well. In this respect she is much like my best friend Steve, well except for the fact that she and I didn’t start out beating the crap out of each other. Also, she never told everyone in my high school class that I had had a testicle removed. (Yeah, I’m still a little pissed about that one 12 years later.) But I digress. What I wanted to talk about here was something that she reflected in me this weekend.

So my friend has a fear of commitment in relationships. Pretty common thing among our generation. She fears commitment because of the possibility of getting hurt and the fear of loss of freedom. I know that the opposite is true; that in a healthy, loving, positive relationship one is given the freedom, and love, to be Who They Really Are like in no other place. And the possibility of getting hurt is the risk one takes when being vulnerable. “Great Love and Great Achievement both involve Great Risk.” Taking risks is what life is about. If you get so scared that you never take them, well, that ain’t a life worth living. (No way am I implying that my friend doesn’t take risks. Anyone who ventures the New Jersey Turnpike for the first time to visit a friend is a risk taker!) But this post isn’t about her fear of commitment. . .it’s about mine.

I fear commitment because of an almost opposite reason. . .I fear that the relationship will actually work, that someone will truly love me. The thing I want most, intimacy, I push away. That is why I went three years without a relationship before my last girlfriend. I could say that I have extremely high, sometimes unrealistic standards, but the truth was that I didn’t want to let anyone in. I’ve even wrote a song on March 18, 1998 called “Turn Me Down” as a perfect example of this.

“In my denial I’ve built a wall against love
For if you said yes that means I’d have to give up

Turn Me Down, I can take the pain.
Turn Me Down, I can I handle it. . .I swear
Turn Me Down, Don’t make me guess
Turn Me Down, Just don’t, don’t say yes”

As I searched my files for those lyrics I came across a sonnet that I wrote on April 21, 1997 that had these words:

“Years of careful guarding of treasures great,
Have closed my soul to the light necessary,
To breach the castle walls and gates,
Of my heart’s innermost sanctuary.”

Class, can we say “Spider, you have issues.”? I knew you could!

And I really think this is different from typical male fear of commitment. My friend SweetAmberNYC said that and I had to disagree with her saying that my problems are anything but typical. I know most men fear commitment, so much so that it is a running joke among woman, though from what I know of my fellow men it is because they fear being hurt. I, on the otherhand, don’t care about getting hurt, about showing who I am. (It's about the thougth behind thought. Thanks Phil!) If you read the above lyrics, “I can take the pain, I can handle it I swear.” Pain is something to which I am accustomed. It comes with surviving a divorce of one’s parents and dealing with the issues I have had with my father. So pain is no problem. The thing I have trouble with is letting myself be happy and to be loved. (Then again, I guess it doesn't matter what the sponsoring thought is. If I am a man who fears commitment, I fall in in line with all the others. Damn, and I thought I was different.)

A surprising moment this weekend occurred when my friend and I went to eat lunch at Sal’s Pizza. (I really need to give my friend a name, don’t I? I’ll use a name based on her old screen name, Tesser.) So Tesser is talking to my former boss, the man who gave me my Spider nickname and was one of my “second fathers” when my parents split. And I expected him to tell her a funny story about when I worked there, or how I was this skinny kid who didn’t know much of anything. He proceeds to tell Tesser that I am one of the most caring, loving, genuine persons that he has ever met and that she will ever meet. I was completely blown away.

I bring this up because for as much as my boss said I am a loving person, and some of you may believe as well, I know I have a hard time letting myself be loved. And it is a lesson I know “God” has been trying to learn me over and over again. It is easier for me to hug than be hugged, to give love rather than receive. I think that it maybe because if you do really love me then you accept all of me, even the parts I can’t accept and don’t like about myself. But perhaps that is the lesson I need to learn. “We teach what we need to learn.” So many times have I helped people accept and love who they are, when it is I who needs to do the same. I think that is part of the appeal of Jesus’s life and story. He came to tell us that we are lovable no matter where we are in life whether we are a leper, a tax collector or a whore. Sometimes it is easier to be believe that God accepts us for who we are than it is for us to accept ourselves.

Looking back in my journal I found this quote I wrote down.

“Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love, but to be genuinely loved by another, to know love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees something worth loving.”
-Gary Chapman, “The 5 Love Languages”

“. . .especially in those times when I am not able to see something worth loving in myself.”
- added in by me

So am I pushing people away until I hear that “Jim, I love you. I choose you.”? Is that why I stayed with my ex-girlfriend for so long even after I knew the relationship was not right? She chose me and I felt beholden to that. Or perhaps I felt that I wasn’t going to find another who would choose to love me, which is just an example of fear ( false evidence appearing real)? Also, I know this issue was something that must of irked her to no end. How many times she tried to help me, love me, when I was sick, in need of help, or just in normal times and I wouldn’t let her in. Because had I let her in I would have been able to let go of the pain and feel healing. But humans so often choose the pain they know rather than letting it go and trying something new.

SweetAmberNYC asked me regarding this quote how does this fit in with dating? Do I wait until I hear that “I choose you” thing or do I push away from the start? I laughed and said that I often don’t even get to the first date because of this even if I know a girl is nuts about me. I used to have a pattern of falling for girls who are had deep emotional issues. Totally cool people, but with issues I knew were not conducive for a relationship so I'd keep them at a distance or not ask them out. And then there has been some girls that I have liked for years, and known they’ve liked me, but I didn’t ask out because, again, I was more afraid of having them love and accept me on a deeper level.

I know this is stupid, paradoxical and in the end keeps me from the happiness I want and know I deserve. I also know though that in knowing this about myself I can work towards changing it. I can see a behavior and ask myself, “Spider, are you sure this is what you want? Will this bring you closer or push you further away?’ I can also let my friends know that if and when they start to feel resistance from me as they offer help, love or support to ask me “Spider, are you just saying that because of your bullshit pride?” If my friends can’t call me on my bullshit, who can?

Like the quote I used in an earlier post, “The day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." it’s time to change this part of me, time to bring it from the dark parts of my heart and into the light. And maybe it’s time to invite that someone in by telling her how I feel. What’s the worst that could happen, she’d love me? That ain’t so bad. ;-)

Burning the Candles at Both Ends Again

So this weekend my best friend with whom I share my birthday came up to visit me and see NYC for the first time. If you read my post regarding the trip I took to NC for my birthday you probably guessed that my friend and I stayed up late, drank quite a bit, and had lots of fun. You can probably also guess that I am extremely tired right now. My friend is nocturnal so we’d stay up to 4 AM. She’d sleep until noon or one, but I’d be up by 8 because that is what my body is accustomed. And this morning I got up before God to help her on her way out of NYC. So here I am at work, zombiefied and simultaneously inspired and fried.

Here are thoughts about this weekend in no particular order. Like after my birthday weekend, I am having problems with linear thought.

1) Had that “I’m Home” feeling for a fleeting moment again like I did my birthday weekend. I wish it would stick around longer than it does.

2) The reaction my friend’s face as we went around NYC was priceless. We got to Times Square around 11PM on Friday night. She was holding my hand as we walked down from 59th Street. You know, nervous tourist in the biggest city of the world. We walked down Broadway and passed the Ed Sullivan Theatre so she can see where The Late Show with David Letterman is taped. (She would come to sneak into my room in college to drink Earl Grey tea and watch David Letterman. Girls had to be out of guys rooms at midnight during the week.) And then we hit Times Square and her face was like a little kid’s, wide-eyed and in amazement.

3) I really wish my friend and I’s sleep schedules were on the same page. I am HURTING today. The thing is that she has the schedule that I would love to have. My family (Mom, Dad, and sisters) are all night people. We didn’t believe in morning. We heard that some other people experienced, but we were convinced that they were hallucinating. Personally, if I could go to bed at 4 in morning and wake up around noon I would be such a happy camper. What job can I get that’ll let me do that? Is there such thing as a professional blogger?

4) BUTCH WALKER ROCKS!!! Another reason for my friend’s visit was that her favorite singer/songwriter was performing here on Long Island. My friend had shared his music with me when I visited her back in April, and I went out and bought his latest cd to know some of the music well before going to the show. Needless to say I was blown away with his songwriting, showmanship and his ability to connect with the crowd. I have seen few performers work the crowd like he did. I highly recommend catching him if you can. He is opening for Avril Lavigne this summer. I don’t know if this would be the best venue for your first Butch show as seeing him by himself would mean a longer set.

5) My friend and I met up with Steve, his wife, and Lil’ Steve before we went to the show. We got some ice cream and then went to a playground. My friend talked with Steve’s wife (She met them when I graduated) and I talked with Steve as we played with Lil’ Steve on the playground things. (Don’t know what you call those things that has a slide, things and stuff.) Can I tell you how much fun I had?! I want to record the laughs and yips I got out of Lil’ Steve as we had him on the swing. That is instant happiness. I put it on a sound device to carry around with me and whenever I need a little boost, just hit the button and hear him laugh.

6) When told that we were going to the Empire State Building, my friend’s father said “Don’t jump and watch out for apes!” I thought that was rather funny.

7) I learned this weekend that me and tequila shots do not mix. And it is not that I got sickly drunk, which I know most of you are thinking. It has to do with the whole salt and lime thing. I don’t like salt, and I am not a big fan of tart. The tequila went down fine. I just don’t like for make the face pucker with the other things. I think I’ll stick with Guinness. My Irish blood enjoys that so much more.

8) Sometimes, some dreams, no matter how inspiring, how beautiful, . . . .well, may be worth holding onto a little longer.

9) When hugging a loved one good-bye, always let them let go first.

I'm Back!

Hello Spider-fans! I’m back from my hiatus. Thank you for all the emails and calls with words of support. The time off was well needed and well spent. I spent time with family, friends and some time by myself.

I don’t have much deep and profound to share, no moments of enlightenment. Though I did reach a level of peace. And there is lot to cover for the past few weeks. So here are a bunch of items from my life in no particular order.

1. The Sunday after I wrote the post about my cousin I spent the day with my best friend Steve, his wife and Lil’ Steve. I was time with “family” I needed. Steve, his wife and I talked about my cousin and family. Steve had met Dominguin. So he could understand my feelings a bit. The best part of the day though was Lil’ Steve. He was a bundle of energy and we played and played. Gosh, I love that kid. It was fun that I need so dearly.

2. My boss, is an awesome lady. In addition to being a great person to work for, she lent me the first three seasons of Stargate SG-1. They provided a welcome distraction and escape from life and the whirlwind of emotions. Plus, the show just kicks ass!! I mean, I am a huge sci-fan. I can’t believe I missed this show all theses years.

3. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Galaxy movie was awesome. Though if you didn’t get the book, you won’t get the movie. I went to see it with some geek friends. Afterwards we went to dinner and then back to their apartment to hang out. We ended the night by playing Scrabble. I hadn’t played that game is about ten years. I lost, of course. My friend has her degree in English/Literature. Her husband had worked with her at a newspaper. There was no way I was going to win. English Geek versus Math Geek at Scrabble will always win.

4. The same day that I went to see the above movie my mom calls me with awesome news. I have a new cousin. At 6:00 AM on April 30th, Elizabeth Grace was born into this world. (Not going to give her last name). Exactly 10 days after Dominguin left, she arrived. While the excitement of my new cousin doesn’t lessen the fact that Dominguin is gone it reminds me of something very important. The Circle of Life goes on. We are born, we live for a period of time, and then we return from where we came from. Nothing will change that fact, you just have to accept it. I can’t wait to me my new cousin and let her know how lucky she is to be born into our family. (Her dad, my uncle, is a really good man and a big influence on me. She couldn’t have chose a better father to have.)

5. On the bad news front, I’m going to have to move for July 1. Since the landlord kicked out the guy in the living room, and still expects $2,100 for this apartment, that means my part of the rent just jump up $175. I can’t afford that. Nor do my other roommate and I (the third roommate got of the road but then went to Michigan for two weeks) think we can get someone compatible to live in the living. And honestly, who would live here with all the noise those damn hellions make! It has gotten so bad. The other day they woke me up with their noise at 6:40AM. And you can only sleep past 7:00 the 4 days a month they go to spend with their dad. So while it will be financially tough the next few months, I am looking forward to living somewhere where I can get some decent sleep.

6. On the good news fronts, I have been making some new friends, having inspiring conversations. So I’m in good spirits.

7. My friend from NC (the one I share my birthday with and wrote about back in early April) is coming up to visit me this weekend. I can’t tell you how excited I am to see her. This will be her first visit to NYC. And for as much as I don’t like NY, it really has some awesome things to show to friends. I’m going to love taking that Southern country girl to Times Square, the Empire State Building, walk through the Village, and many other things. Then I’m going to wish I can pack my things into her car and go back home to NC with her. (Physically impossible, I know. There is only so much you can put in a Honda Civic.)

8. To quote a friend, I would do blasphemous things for a massage.

9. I’ll try to post tomorrow (Friday). And then I won’t post again until next Tuesday. (As I said, friend visiting.) Sometime next week, I will have the sequel to “In My Pants.” It has become a fun game to play through AIM with one of my co-workers. How we get anything done is beyond me! Also, I have learned how to post links on my sidebar. So when I get the time next week I will add links to all the blogs I read on a regular basis, as well as websites I endorse. I will also do a post telling why I read those blogs I do and why I think their writers are awesome. . .no, that’s not the word. . . .special. . . .no, that implies they took the short bus to school. . .Anyway, all of them, like the two Canadian women with the same name, are just amazing people and I am glad that they are in my life. And I enjoy what they write. It has helped me get through this tough time.

10. Well, it’s time for me to get some sleep now (well, at least until the hellions wake up). Thank you again for taking this journey called life with me. There are a bazillion webpages out there you could be visiting right now and lives you could be voyeuristically watching (even some with naked people on webcam. . . .not. . .that . .I . . know. . .anything.. . .about .. . .that). I appreciate that you chose mine.