Walking Up the Mountain Backwards

Just a quick note. I am saving the posts on the War in Iraq until I can post them on 3 consecutive days. It is taking more work than I expected to write them. When dealing with a topic as volatile as that one, I want to make sure I am able to cite my sources like a good liberal arts graduate. Ok, now onto today’s post:

“During a morning hike in the hills, I scavenged for omens to use in your horoscope. Nothing pertinent appeared until I was headed home. While rambling down a trail form the top of the ridge, I spied the back of a man moving toward me. It took me a while to realize he was walking up the hill backward. As he passed me, I heard him giving himself a pep talk. Later I told my 13 year-old daughter Zoe about this scene, seeking her insight about what motivated him to engage in such an odd mode of travel. To my surprise, Zoe said she’d done it herself. It’s a psychological trick that helps make a steep ascent easier. You stay focused on how much you’ve already accomplished rather than being overwhelmed by the heights that are ahead of you. I recommend that you try this yourself, Aries.”

-Free Will Astrology by Rob Brezsny Feb. 23rd – March 1st, 2005

This is my horoscope for the week from my favorite horoscope column. (You can visit it at www.freewillastrology.com ) I have always found Rob Brezsny’s horoscopes so poetic, sometimes odd, always profound and deep. There have been times when I swear that he was peering right into my life. Now a skeptic would say that anything he wrote for the other 11 signs would be apropos for my life because an astrologer often writes them so broad and vague. I would look at the other 11 signs and there would be nothing in them ringing true with my life. However, the Aries horoscope fit.

Do I steer my life by the horoscopes? Do I believe everything about astrology? No. But I have seen to many things about it coincide with my life and who I am to flat out dismiss it. My friend in North Carolina (now Vermont) did my full chart once. It turns out that I am a triple Aries. My sun sign, my moon sign, and my rising sign are Aries. What does that mean in detail? I couldn’t tell you. I can tell you that on one level is that everything you read about the characteristics of an Aries that me times three. There is more to it than that and when my friend was reading my chart and explanations out of several books it was as if she was reading my life and personality.

Back to Rob’s horoscope for this week. I like reading his horoscopes because it just offers a different way to look at my life. The points that he makes are fun to ponder, this week in particular. Lately, I had been feeling daunted by the path or paths ahead. My senior quote in my high school yearbook says, “I have just finished climbing this mountain and see an even greater one ahead.” Boy, I said some major bullcrap back when I was 17!

Perhaps that walking backward up the mountain things makes some sense. I don’t know exactly where I need to go. I have general idea, basically up of course. And there are different peaks I am sure that I can climb. Which one I choose is the big decision I will make this year. That said, perhaps I should pause, turn around and walk awhile backwards up the slope so I can remind myself of what I accomplished. And do that not in a manner of “Look at me! Look at all the great things I have done!!” But rather a, “Hey Spider, you have done great things before. Don’t forget that! And know that you have the strength to do more in the future.”

So I look back and I see that I was in a kick-ass band in NC called Nandina. I recorded two albums and an EP with them. I see that when I graduated Greensboro College I was given its highest honor, the Harold Hutson Award. I see that I moved from NY to NC and started a life down there. I see that through the help of Dr. Stephen Lembo, a Long Island based chiropractor, and Julie Donnelly, LMT and founder of The Carpal Tunnel Treatment Center of NY (www.aboutcts.com), I beat the Carpal Tunnel and Cubital Tunnel Syndromes that plagued me from April 2002 to through Sept. 2003. I see that graduated SUNY Purchase College with my Masters Degree in Studio Composition with unbelievable grades.

More importantly than things and accomplishments, I see all the lives that I touched and have touched mine. I see my best friend since 5th grade still here by my side. We’re entering our 21st year of friendship. I see my family full of amazing individuals. I see my mom, her love and her pride in me. My sisters, who I didn’t get along with at all as a teenager, are now some of my strongest supporters and friends. My father who I am reconnecting with. I see friends that I made in college that are still in my life, still encouraging me. I see friends that I didn’t know I made such a difference in their life. I see musical partners and teachers and how their songs and lessons are still with me.

And there is so much more, more than I realized. It gives me faith, courage and hope to continue the climb. Sure it will be steep and tough at times, but that is the challenge. I have overcome pains so intense that I wanted to die, wanted to give up, but I made it through those. I don’t despair anymore. It is an emotion that I don’t ever feel anymore. So when the next deep valley comes I know that I can make it through. . .a smile on my face, love and faith in my heart and a prayer of gratitude in my voice.

So maybe it makes some sense to walk backwards up the mountain at times (as much as I dislike the mountain range metaphor). And we’ll see what the next words of wisdom for this Aries that Rob Breszny has next week.