Random Thoughts

The following are various random thoughts that have passed my brain the past month or so. None are long enough for their own post. Also, since they are on the a variety of topics and not related, I will just jump form one to another with no connections.

1. In many of the butcher shops through Astoria, NY they display their ware in the windows. You know, showing chops and shanks and so on. In many of these shops they will display a whole lamb hanging by its back legs. When I say a “whole lamb” I mean the whole damn thing, head and eyeballs included. Sometimes they display just head.

Now this may be a delicacy for some f the ethnic cultures that live here in Astoria, but it really freaks me out. I can’t shake the feeling that the lamb or lamb’s head is looking at me. No matter what point in front of the store I stand, those eyes are looking straight at me. It’s like the Mona Lisa, but in a sick Clive Barker sense. I now speed up when I walk past the butcher to escape the evil gaze of the lamb head.


2. Last Tuesday, as I walked home from giving a guitar lessons I walked by a man who reeked of patchouli oil. The man, who obviously showered in the stuff, did not fit my mental association with this scent. I turned expecting to see a dread-headed, stoned, tye-died, hippie type guy. You know, someone who would fit in perfectly at a Phish concert. Someone who tokes copious amounts of 420 and says stuff like “woah” and “dude” quite often.

The man was a short Mexican in a sweatshirt and jeans. That totally messed with my head.


3. So my cellphone, like most, has video games on it. My favorite on my phone is the bowling game. The game is fairly fun and I use it to pass time while on the train. Unfortunately, the programming is quite simple and therefore I am unable to spare on a 7-10 split like in real life. This frustrates me, but it isn’t the point I want to make.

Whenever you get a spare or strike this brown-haired girl in a baseball cap comes out a cheers for you. If you get a spare she gives you a thumbs up. If you strike she waves her arms in excitement. For some reason I have named her Rachel. I don’t know why. The first time she appeared my mind said, “Hi, Rachel.” Don’t ask why, I can’t tell you. And I have said that or some other greeting every time she appears. I take some odd comfort that Rachel lives in my phone’s bowling game.

It is stuff like this that keeps me from getting accepted into the CIA.


4. Ok, this one I have to quote an article from London. I wish I could make stuff like this up.

LONDON (Reuters) - A Welsh rugby fan cut off his own testicles to celebrate Wales beating England at rugby, the Daily Mirror reported Tuesday. Geoff Huish, 26, was so convinced England would win Saturday's match he told fellow drinkers at a social club, "If Wales win I'll cut my balls off," the paper said.

Friends at the club in Caerphilly, south Wales, thought he was joking.

But after the game Huish went home, severed his testicles with a knife, and walked 200 yards back to the bar with the testicles to show the shocked drinkers what he had done. Huish was taken to hospital where he remained in serious condition, the paper said.

Wales's 11-9 victory over England at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff was their first home win over England in 12 years.


Ah. . . . Hmmm. .. .I think . . . Shit, how I can comment on this!! WTF was wrong this this guy!! Make a bet that you’ll shave your head, or drink somebody’s piss or anything else besides cutting off your own testicles!!! And even if you make that bet, no one and I mean NO ONE seriously expects you to follow through and cut off your own balls!

Figures that this was rugby fan. Rugby players and fans don’t have their heads on right in the first place. You didn’t hear about any people in New England say, “If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, I’ll cut my balls off.” You know why? Because football fans are normal people. Sure they paint their fat beer bellies and expose them to the cold wind, but they aren’t into self-mutilation on a grand level. Now I bet a Patriots fan did say, “If the Philidelphia Eagles wins, I’ll cut Joey’s balls off.” Joey being the lone Eagle fan in the Boston bar where they were watching the game. But that is understandable.

Even though this guy in South Wales didn’t kill himself in an ingeniously stupid way, I think he still deserves a Darwin Award. (www.darwinawards.com) Every year that site gives awards to the people who most creatively take themselves out of the gene pool, thereby cleaning it up a little. In other words, natural selection is at work in humans. This guy has taken himself out of the gene pool. So I guess we should be thankful that he won’t be breeding.

I’ll be shaking my head thinking about this one for awhile.