A Inexcusable Flip-Flop

Just a warning up front. There will be major cussing in this post as the content of it pisses me off to no end. Also, I apologize for the little bit of yelling that I do.

There was a headline yesterday that read "Bush: Bin Laden Should Be Taken Seriously!" President Bush said the following:

"When he says he's going to hurt the American people again, or try to, he means it," Bush told reporters after visiting the top-secret National Security Agency where the surveillance program is based. "I take it seriously, and the people of NSA take it seriously. Now, I understand there's some in America who say, 'Well, this can't be true there are still people willing to attack.' All I would ask them to do is listen to the words of Osama bin Laden and take him seriously."

As a New Yorker I have to reply, "Ya think, you fucking idiot of a president!" I know what Bin Laden is capable of doing. The skyline of my City is forever changed because of that fucker. Now I wouldn't be pissed about Bush's comment if he hadn't said the following in March 13, 2003 and started an illegal, immoral and inept war against a country that hadn't attacked us and wasn't and imminent threat. (If you want links to proof that Iraq's nuclear capabilities were ten years away, I can find them for you.)

"He's just--he's a person who's now been marginalized. I don't know where he is. You know, I just don't spend that much time on him to be honest with you. I truly am not that concerned about him."

Well, Dubya, if you had taken him seriously from the time you took office, we wouldn't have had the 9-11 attacks! There has been enough documentation that shows that your administration ignored repeated warnings from the prior administrations staff, the CIA and others that Bin Laden and Al-Queda were a serious threat. (If you'd like me to add links to that documentation, I gladly will get those as well.) Even after the attacks you promised us that you would get him like the posters of the Old West said, "Wanted: Dead or Alive." You got to be fucking kidding me!! It's been over 4 years, Dubya, what's your excuse?!!!

Oh, I'm sorry, there isn't answer, Dubya! You weren't concerned with Bin Laden from the start. You were focusing on how to invade Iraq any which way possible. Plus, you don't want to catch him because his brother was your very first business partner. (Do a Google search on that topic and you will see plenty of documentation of that.)

Also, who in there right mind in this country is saying, "Well, this can't be true there are still people willing to attack."? Want to know who? NO ONE!! Because we all know that Osama Bin Laden is still free to run Al-Queda, we know that Al-Queda has grown stronger, not weaker in the past four years. The reasons that there hasn't been an attack on U.S. is that one, Al-Queda has been attacking other places (like Madrid, Spain) and two, they have the luxury of bidding their time for the right moment to attack.

Hell, Bin Laden won't have to attack us to destroy us. He said it clearly in his tape that was released just before the 2004 elections. He said that it only cost him $500,000 to attack us and we have spent billions upon billions to fight in Afghanistan and Iraq. He'll just wait until we bankrupt ourselves into collapse. (Just look at the Iraq War cost ticker I have on my side bar. At the rate it's going we could have paid every citizen in Iraq $25,000 (an awesome wage there) to oust Saddam for themselves.) Our country is in record deficit. This "MBA" President (and I use that term loosely because his Harvard University Business School professors said he was a horrible student) has borrowed more money that ANY OF THE PREVIOUS 42 PRESIDENT COMBINED!! Furthermore, Dubya is the ONLY leader in the COURSE OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION to have tax cuts in a time of war. Google those two facts. I am sure you will find them.





(Click to enlarge. Graph does not show 2004 & 2005 where the deficit grew to epic proportions.)




Here is a today's post by The Cunning Realist, a conservative blogger for whom I have much respect. He is straight up honest, ethical and a darn good writer. I really enjoy it because as I self-avowed Liberal, his blog shows that TRUE Conservatives and Liberals agree on a whole lot more than what our media spinmeisters would have us believe. Furthermore, his blog proves that the Bush Administration is NOT Conservative or Republican. They are something different altogether diguised as Republicans.

The Cunning Realist's post today says succinctly, and without cussing, the outrage of my post. I wish I could temper my anger as he is able. I guess I'm just frustrated because I have been shouting about Dubya's imcompetences and corruption since before the 2000 election. Why so many Americans believe the propaganda,lies and complete bullshit that have come, and keep from this Adminstation is beyond me!

Highlights of 2005

This is by no means a complete list. I am sure there is lots more I can write about. A continuation may appear in the near future. So without any further ado, and in no particular order here are some of the highlights of my 2005.

-Reconciling with my father. Which reminds me, I need to give him a call.

-Breaking up with my ex-girlfriend AND getting to the point of being really good friends.

-Paying off one of my credit cards.

-Easter Weekend

-Playing B.B. Kings with Excuse Me, both times. (Read about it here and here.)

-Reconnecting with so many friends and making new ones.

-Reconciling with a cousin with whom I had a huge fight.

-Sharing my darkest secret with someone and letting down my walls.

-Seeing Spamalot, Queensryche play Operation Mindcrime in it’s entirety, Dream Theater again at Jones Beach Theater during the summer, Butch Walker three times at various venues.

-Reading Harry Potter, Book 6, Seeing the movies Serenity in the theater with Chris, 40 Year Old Virgin with J4UNC & KRSONE.

-Playing with Lil’ Steve, whom I miss very much.

-Making Rice and Beans at Xmas and getting my Grandma’s stamp of approval. (It’s her recipe.)

-Seeing Soulpatch, an awesome cover band, over my birthday weekend with Katie, and Tesser and singing loudly along to “I Want You to Want Me.”

-Going on vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina with a good friend and her family during the summer.

-Kelly coming home.

-Getting close to having a “six pack” stomach”, which I swear I will have this year!!

-Finally kissing a girl I have loved for many years. Perhaps the best kiss of my life. The fact it is simultaneously one of the worst kisses I have had makes the memory bittersweet. I guess it just adds fodder for some great songwriting.

-Remembering what it’s like to be happy for no particular reason.

-Settling into a new apartment situation in June.

-Writing and posting this blog. Keeping a record of the journey makes it easier to remember how far I have come when the times are tough and I feel like I am getting nowhere.

Martin Luther King Day, Prejudice Hurts

On Monday, it was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. It’s a day in the United States of America that we are to supposed to remember the life and dream of Martin Luther King, Jr. and his work towards civil rights and freedom for all. Obviously, this holiday is more important in the African-American community than others. Unfortunately, as a whole, I think the people of this country have become complacent about civil rights and equality for all men regardless of race or ethnic background. Many just see this as a day off in January and are just thankful that they don’t have to work.

Why am I taking time to write on this day, and about this day in particular, especially since I am not a member of the African-American community? Because I had a recent experience with racism and prejudice that I want to share. And I want to remind you that for King’s dream to be achieved, we still have a lot of work to do.

So even though you may have guessed otherwise from the pictures I have posted, I’m not White. Or should I say, I am not 100% White. For the purposes of the census, I get counted as Puerto Rican. My grandparents were born in Ponce, Puerto Rico. My mother is first generation to be born here in the United States. So that makes me second generation. My father is the son of and Irish immigrant. So on his side I’m second generation as well.I don’t play up my Puerto Rican heritage. It’s not that I’m not proud of it. I just don’t see the need to be flamboyant and plaster my car in the P.R. colors and flags. I don’t need to have P.R. flag license plate. And unfortunately, I’ve let my Spanish speaking skills lax since I haven’t had a class since high school. However, it is something that partially defines my being, defines who I am. It is something that I cannot not change about myself.

That said, I’m and American. I grew up in New York, attended American schools and churchs, and have been socialized American. I can’t move to Puerto Rico and fit in. Likewise, I can not move to Ireland and fit in, even though I have citizenship. I’m an American, through and through.

Now all of this is a preamble so you understand me and where I come from. The recent incident of racism and prejudice came from the most unexpected source. . .someone I considered one of my best friends. I know that is one reason this hurts so much. You see, I’m used to acquaintances or coworkers making a mean-spirited Puerto-Rican joke or a comment about a “spic.” To which I’d off-handedly say, “Usted sabes ques mis abuelos son de Puerto Rico?/You do know my grandparents are from Puerto Rico?” Then they quickly back-track and apologize, weakly, with some ineffective remark like, “Oh, sorry I didn’t know.” Or “yeah, but you know you’re not like those other Puerto Ricans!” As if comments like that make it right.

And what my friend said goes beyond the playful joking of playing on our respective stereotypes. I say respective because we are both products of mixed/minority marriages. That’s perhaps one of the biggest ironies here. I’m not going to share what my friend said because there is no need to repeat the ugliness.

“Blah, blah, blah, Puerto Rican, blah, blah, blah.”

I know we were both intoxicated. And I know that some things come out. “From drunken mouths speak sober minds.” But this comment whether said truthfully, or in jest, inebriated or not, was not a comment that ANYONE who considered themselves to be one of my best friends would have even considered ever uttering at any point let alone believing!

After the words left his mouth, I was stunned. And unlike the Northern Blue, I don’t stun easily. How could someone who called me one of their best friends just hours before say that? Furthermore, how could someone, who is a half-breed like me, say this especially when recounting stories, just hours before, of facing racism in the South after getting a dark tan in the summer?! “Oh, I didn’t think they let your kind in here!” type stories.

Also, my friend prefaced the statement with another equally fucked up statement that shows that he knew what he was going to say was going to hurt. “If it comes back to me that you told your sisters and your mom, I’ll be so pissed!” To quote Sheila Broflofski of South Park, “What, what, what!?!” What do you mean, you’ll be pissed? You already know that what you are going to say is going to piss me off and hurt! You already know that what you are saying is wrong!

I really don’t know how to communicate to my friend how much this hurts without ripping his head off both literally and figuratively. I have NEVER been this angry with anyone. When my ex-girlfriend and I used to argue she’d say, “Jim, you’re yelling.” To which I’d reply, “No, this is just a heated discussion. You have never seen me yell! No one has!” I want to yell at my friend. Part of me is just ready to unleash the full, fiery fury of a Triple Aries on him. I am a Fire Sign times three. That means I have to work three times as hard to be humble, calm or any other emotion that is an opposite of anger, arrogance, violence, etc.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!! IF YOU HAD SAID ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN THE BEGINNING OF OUR FRIENDSHIP WE WOULDN’T HAVE LASTED A WEEK LET ALONE YEARS!! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU A FRIEND WITH ANY SELF-RESPECT? HOW CAN I HANG WITH YOU AND EITHER OF MY SISTERS WITHOUT DYING FROM THE PAIN INSIDE? HOW CAN I LET YOU TALK WITH MY MOM KNOWING WHAT YOU SAID? HOW CAN I HONOR THE MEMORY OF MY GRANDFATHER WHO FOUGHT IN WWII, WAS AT THE LIBERATION OF AUSCHWITZ, FIGHTING SO HIS FAMILY CAN LIVE THE DREAM OF LIVING IN AMERICA AND STAY “BEST FRIENDS” WITH YOU?

HOW CAN YOU HONOR YOUR PARENTS MARRIAGE WHEN YOU MAKE A STATEMENT LIKE THAT? THEIR 30+ YEAR MARRIAGE IS A TESTAMENT OF THE STRENGTH OF LOVE OVER RACISM AND PREJUDICE!! HOW CAN I LOOK THEM IN THE EYE AND SAY THAT “I LOVE YOU” AND CALL YOU A BEST FRIEND? HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT THEM AND SAY THE SAME!?!

HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT ME AND SAY THE SAME!

I think what saved my friend's life is that just hours before we came to the agreement hours early, "No more fights." Plus, I know that I can't respond to a statement made in fear with a response generated in fear as well. I need to get to the point where I can responsd with love.

I haven't gotten there yet.

I do know that this person is not my best friend. My best friends know that where my grandparents were born has NO bearing on the tenor of my character. My best friends appreciate and value my mixed heritage and the richness that it brings to my life.

So while I may have taken down walls and let this person in close, closer than other friends, there will now be "healthy boundaries." There has to be. I love myself, I love my family, too much.

That's the funny part. The day after I last saw my friend I had so many reminders of my Puerto Rican/Hispanic heritage. My co-worker brought in Puerto Rican pastries for breakfast. My sister and I went out to the dinner for Columbian food. I spent the evening with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I was driven home by my sister's friend, a full-blood Columbian, who is one of the most genuinely good persons I have ever met.

And I laughed and I cried inside. Because my friend will never again know the level of love and fun that I or my family have to give.

Prejudice hurts from where ever it comes. And like Martin Luther King, I have a dream that one day all of us will live in an America, in a world, where a man or women is not judged by the color of his/her skin, the happenstance of his/her parentage, the biological chance of their inborn sexuality, but by the content of his or her heart.

Until that day, I will stand with those who stood, and still stand, along Martin Luther King and I will peacefully fight for that change.

Edited to Add: P.S. I know this particular friend won't read this post because he doesn't have a computer.

Lessons Learned in 2005

These little tidbits of life are in no particular order. It probably isn't a complete list. It's what been germinating in my head the past few weeks as I have travelled to work either by car or by subway. I will say that it is easier to jot them down in my journal when I am on the subway. Some were learned painfully, others by either "a-ha" moments or quiet contemplation. So with out further ado. . . .

- You can make friends anywhere. ( Canada, Florida, Maine, Canada again )

- I'm cool with being a geek, and in a perfect world the geek gets the girl.

- Excessive debt is not good.

- Spreading myself to thin is not good for my health.

- I appreciate the diversity of NYC more and more.

- "Unrequited love is never romantic." (don't remember where the quote comes from. But I will cite it when I find it.

- I should accept adortation of my looks from whomever, be they midgets or grandmas.

- Butch Walker rocks!

- Life really is all about the choices we make. Likewise, love is really all about the choices we make.

- "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." -Wayne Dyer

- Whether you operate with the system of "You'll see it when you believe it!" or "I'll believe it when I see it!", at some point you have to step from cynicism to belief if you are to see any change in your life.

- When it's 10 degrees F outside, (-12.2228 degrees C for my Canadian friends), it is wise to wear thermal underpants.

- Pain will come frome suprising places, or persons. You'll be more surprised, though, from where the healing comes.

- The ways into the cave are legion. The ways out are suprisingly few.

- There is only one way to win at the game of "Global Thermonucleur War." The only way to win is not to play. That lesson applies to a lot of things, not just video games. (5 points to the geek that gets that reference.)

- And repeating myself from July:

"Some dreams you hold onto and work out quickly. Some dreams need to get deferred for a time to the future. ("God's delays are not God's denial.") And some dreams may never get attained because of forces outside your control, so you let go of them to pursue the one's that can be achieved.

I think that some part of wisdom, and the pain of life lessons, is learning this distinction and making choices so you can live life without regrets (or as close to that as possible.)"


There are probably more, but that's enough for now.

My 1 Year Blogging Anniversary

Hi. Today marks the anniversary of my first post. It is amazing how quickly the year has flown by. I started this blog as a way to journal the changes I went through at the end of my quarter life crisis. And what a year of change it was! I have had some amazing highs, and some incredible lows. I have seen a return to Who I Really Am and a discovering of who I will become and what I will not stand for in my life. (More on that last part there with the post that will come of Martin Luther King Day.)

The past few weeks have been incredibly stressful and busy for me. Probably more stressful than last new years when I was breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Some of the details of that stress will come out in upcoming posts. Also, I know that I had wanted to do some catching up and cleaning on posts that I promised that I would write but never got to pubish. I'll recap some of them.

-From the Random Deep Thoughts and questions, I still owe all my post on the topic of Settling Down. Don't worry, it will come and I will not be kind.

-Posts about my heroes. I promise those will come.

-The Invitation - I really like this one so I will get to it. Probably by March.

-The Bush Administration’s Plan to Invade Iraq: Illegal and Immoral or “Wait, Wait, Don’t Lie to Me!”, The Bush Administration’s Handling of the War in Iraq: Incompetent and Immoral or “Son of Wait, Wait Don’t Lie to Me!”, & The Bush Administration’s Plans for After the War in Iraq: Indefensible and Immoral or “Return of the Son of Wait, Wait Don’t Lie to Me!”

Ok, those there I'm not going to finish. Why? Because if you can not see what a giant clusterfuck this Iraqi quagmire is, and how there is so much evidence that we were lied into a war, undertrooped and undersupplied, and how are continued to be lied to, than I am sorry my friend. You're head may be too far up your ass for any surgical procedure to save you. (I say that in the nicest of ways, of course.)

-Talking To John at Work - This one got lost in the mix, but I have to write about it. C'mon, taking a shit at work is always funny.

- A post that I have to do out of honor and love is about how I beat Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and the amazing lady who developed the system for me to do so.


Ok, other things to look forward to in the next couple of weeks. I will do a post about the lessons I learned in 2005 and then one on the highlights. I will also probably change the template of the blog in some fashion as well as the header line. I guess I'm not much in the end of my quarter life crisis when I have only about two months until I turn 30.

Wow. 30. It seemed so far away when I graduate high school at 17. That's ok. I'm looking forward to it. I like who I am now more than I ever did at 17. Or I should say, I am more comfortable with who I am and who I am becoming.

To everyone who has been following me through this journey, thank you from the deepest parts of my heart.