NO! I Don't Want to Date Your Mom!!!

So this morning when I logged into Myspace, and I got one of the oddest emails. Now this isn't the usual spam trying to get me to join some dating site or to try some penile enhancement product. (I swear a spiteful ex has given my email to every spammer of that product!)

Well, before I comment about it, I want you to read it.


Hello there cuddles! Wanna have tons of fun?

If your answer is yes, my mother would like to be your personal playmate, you can reach her at marie_foxter at XXXXX. She's been single for about 24 months now and she wants to meet a funny, romantic guy to date. I'm helping her with online dating because she has no idea how this works. Here's a little about her. She's very pretty and engaging. She likes to be outdoors and practices a few activities like tennis and golf. She also loves to swim and to dance. She keeps an open mind about things, but don..t get her going on the sad state of politics in this country! She likes taking scenic drives or leisurely walks. She loves to work but will not sacrifice that for family time. A memorable first date for her would include doing something like visiting a museum, visiting a gallery, going to a trendy nightclub or even catching an independent movie at an art house.

That's all for me! you won't regret replying to my mom, thanks.


Ok, where do I start with this one.

1. She started off by calling me "cuddles." Serious, do I look like a fucking "cuddles" to you?!

2. You're pimping for your mom!! And on MYSPACE! Am I the only one who finds something slightly wrong with this? You say that she has no idea how it works. Well, goto EHarmony.com, show her how it works and then leave her to it. It worked for me and a buddy of mine.

3. This person gives their age on their page as 22 (or 19 depending where on the page your read.) So that would make her mom, at the youngest (I hope) 36. Maybe even as old as 45. I'm 32. My older woman fantasies include just three women. Salma Hayek, Catherine Zeta Jones and Shania Twain.

Catherine Zeta Jones is married to Michael Douglas, so that one ain't happening. Shania Twain recently split with her husband so there is a chance there. And Salma Hayek…well, her lawyers say I need to stop trying to contact their client or else they're going to press charges.

And yes, while I have to accept that as I get older some of the women I may date will have kids, I'm not at that level of acceptance yet. I'm still getting used to my best friend in the world having a 5 year old!

4. Along the lines of the age thing about her mom, the picture of this girl shows that she is hot! So hoping for good genes, I hope her mom is hot. However, this is a problem as I'd be distracted by her. I'm sorry, I'm still a guy, and still young enough that I'd be distracted by a hot 22 year old, or 19 year old (again depending what's right), hanging around.

5. It is obvious from my profile that I'm "In A Relationship" and my fiance is the number one friend in on my page. Not that a relationship stops people from hitting on other people, but you'd think if one was trying to find someone for their mom, who hasn't dated in 24 months (talk about dry spell there), that they would exclude people already in relationships, like me, from their search just to make things easier for their mom to get back in the dating game!!


Again, at least this was something different from the usual spam that I get. So I responded with a polite declination, wished her and her mom luck in their search, and thanked her that she wasn't someone hawking penile enhancement.