I Still Got "It". . . .Sort of.

A quiet Sunday morning, vanilla coffee, fresh bagel. Doesn't get much better than this. Well, it would if there was a warm women still asleep in my bed. One can dream, can't he? It is a beautiful weekend here in NYC, but it also is a bit down. My good friends are all away. I'd be away myself but I had to give lessons yesterday. And all my family is out of state. (I miss you a lot, Katie!) So I'm here alone today. I have had some interesting experiences to share, though.

Friday night I take the N Train into the City to Union Square. (Side note: There is only one city in the planet that can be called "The City" with a capital C. And that is New York City, specifically Manhattan. No other city compares. Not saying it's the best, just saying that nothing compares to New York City. End Side note.) My destination was the Strand Bookstores. 18 miles of books, new and used. In other words, a place that is near heaven for a geek like me. My goal was to try to find a used copy of The Davinci Code. Not that I felt I had to jump on the bandwagon and join everyone and their mother who has read it, but I was ordered by my ex-girlfriend to read that book. She said that I would get so engrossed in it that it would take my mind off all the things its pondering.

I had gone to dinner with her during the week and we talked about a variety of topics. One of them was the bookclub that she's in and the books that she is currently reading. One of the things that I liked while we were still together is that I would get to read whatever she was reading after she finished. She admonished me for not reading The Davinci Code saying that is was right up my alley with all it's stuff on religion, conspiracy theories and theology ideas such as Jesus being married to Mary Madgelene. I am a huge religion nut (as in studying it, not ramming it down people's throats) and I remembered her reading that book as we were in bed at night. She say, "Jim, did you know about the Knights Templar and the Mary Madgelene angle in the Jesus story?" And I'd say "Yes", and then rattle on for 20 minutes about all the things I had read.

So Strand only had the hardcover for a price I didn't want to pay. I really wanted a paperback version so I could read it on the subway. Plus, they didn't have the other books for which I was looking. (No dangling participle there, Tesser!) But I don't mind spending time in a book store browsing. So I go across Union Square to Barnes and Nobles where I end up buying The Davinci Code, in hardcover and at a cheaper price than Strand, and the Robert Fulghum book I've been looking for with the particular essay I was looking for on marriage.

I leave Barnes and Nobles and as I walk down the block there are two women crosses the street and one of them looks me up and down. We make eye contact about three times and she has a very, very pretty face. The kicker. . . she's a midget or dwarf and only comes up to my waist. (Which to some men would be the perfect fantasy.) Only in New York, right?!

This is the second time in the past two months I have been checked out by a little person. The first time was here in Astoria by this guy that looked like the love child of Tattoo from Fantasy Island and a frog. He was wearing this purple velvet pimp sport coat and walking a little white poodle. 3 dollar bill, y'all!! I got a look from him that said, "Mmm, mmm, I'd like to sop you up with a biscuit!" (Well, that's what he would have said if we were in the South.) Now, I don't mind getting looks from men. As I've said before, the male ego has no sexual preference. But this guy weirded me out. What weirds me out more is that he goes to my gym.

Ok, onto Saturday. I get invited to a cook-out at my co-worker's house out on Long Island. Now my co-worker is a complete nut. She is hilarious, out-of-control and will talk about anything sexual in nature. At her house she starts telling me about her grandfather and how he was so excited to have his erection back after it being going for months. Go Viagra!! And she proceeds to tell me how her grandmother took advantage of that. ( I really didn't need to hear that story.)

Well, her grandmother, who is at least in her late 70's, tells my co-worker something in a Haitian form of French. My co-worker says to me, "Wooo, my grandmother just said that she thinks you are sensuous!"

Hmm, I said, "Thank you. . . .I think."

So, there you have it folks. I'm a wanted man by midgets and grandmothers! Good to know that I still have "it."