Scattered Pieces, Connecting Thread

I was feeling a little down this weekend. My allergies progressed to give me a nasty sore throat. So I just slept Friday night instead of going out to see friends’ bands. Saturday, I had lessons and then went and saw the new Stars Wars movie with Steve. The movie didn’t suck as much as I expected. (His wife wouldn’t go with him. I’ve told him if he wants her to go with him to the guy movies, like Stars Wars, then he needs to sit through the chick flicks, like The Notebook.) Then I had dinner with his family. Lil’ Steve was awesome as usual. (I really love that guy.)

But Saturday night, as I got home, and into Sunday I had the blahs, both physical and emotionally. Who knows which caused the other? I think part of me is feeling down because where I am and where I want to be aren’t the same yet. I’ve had tastes of what might become and in my Aries’ impatience I get frustrated. (Or perhaps just frustrated at myself.) For instance, this was my horoscope for the week of May 5th. (Of course, written by Rob Breszny. You can read my post regarding my like for his horoscopes here.)

“The planning for a typical wedding lasts from 7 to 12 months. Getting ready for the birth of a child usually requires every minute from the time people find out they're pregnant until the delivery day. I foresee you experiencing an event in early 2006 that will resemble both of these happy yet challenging events. It might be something like the birth or dramatic renewal of a relationship. Or it could be the launch of a partnership that will ask everything of you, and give just as much. I suggest you start your preparations.”

Ok, this is all well and good, Universe. Normally, I am a very patient man. But if I am to start my preparations, then why the fuck do I have these allergies which are laying me on my ass!?! I’ve new songs written that I can’t even sing yet because I haven’t been able to do any vocal exercises to get my voice back in shape.

Also, what is it that is going to happen, Universe? Is it going to be a birth of a relationship, a dramatic renewal of a relationship or a launch of a partnership? It would help to know which one it was so I know where to focus my energy! Because all three are nice and exciting prospects, but c’mon, throw me a bone here.

Then as if to tell me to have the patience I normally don’t have, the horoscope for the week of May 19th said:

“The advice I have for you may not go over well with the part of you that's prone to acting like a battering ram. Nevertheless, I'm convinced it's the correct thing to do, so please suppress your head-butting instincts for now, and heed these bits of wisdom from ancient Chinese philosopher Lao-Tsu. 1. "The softest thing in the universe overcomes the hardest thing in the universe." 2. "In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it."

Rob, can you look into my life any more!?! Is my roommate calling you with what is going on? How the hell do you know that there is something I want more than anything right now, something that I have wanted for years, that I want to just run into headlong? So you're saying I have to be smooth like "Don Juan de la Nooch?" Rob, you offer me great reminders to have patience, which I will touch on in a little bit. Namely, what is that softest thing? What is being identified with water? (Those who have read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse will know where I am going to go with those two quotes by Lao-Tsu.)

So this weekend I felt like all that I have in my hands are scattered pieces that I can’t see how they’ll work. On Sunday morning as I was drinking cinnamon coffee, I open one of my books of daily meditations. ( Journey to the Heart by Melody Beattie. I also highly recommend by her The Language of Letting Go.) Not paying attention to what day I was to read it opens to October 29, aptly titled “The Scattered Pieces Will Come Together,” and this is what it said.

”Scattered pieces. Sometimes we look around, and that’s what we see. Scattered pieces of ourselves, our lives, a project, a season of our lives. Where is the connecting thread, we wonder? How can we pull this together into something that makes sense, something with purpose, something with meaning?

There are pieces to every whole; yet each piece is complete. Don’t worry about how they will come together. Work joyfully on the piece that’s before you, the piece that’s in your life today.

There are many pieces of you, many beautiful parts. The universe will help you bring all those parts alive. It will bring mirrors to you, people who will reflect those beautiful pieces back to you. Look in the mirror of your life. What pieces do you see reflected? Know it’s you you’re seeing. Then let that part of you come alive.

Pull in the parts of yourself, the many beautiful parts that have come alive. Beckon your warrior, your healer, your playful child. Bring together your professional self, your adult, the passionate part of you, the nurturing part. Let all the parts come together. Don’t send any of them away. You need them all. Each is a beautiful piece of the soul, the life, the person you are.

Trust. Trust the process. Joy is yours, available for the asking and desiring – even in the developmental stages. Even before the puzzle has been put together. The scattered pieces will come together – the scattered pieces of yourself, your project, your life. The connecting thread is love. (emphasis mine)

The picture will be beautiful. Wait and see.”

How did the book know that I just wrote about someone being a mirror to me? (See last post.) And how many times in the past months have I been told, “don’t worry things are working themselves out. Be patient, Jim.”? It was a message I needed to hear again. So as the day went on, I tried to keep telling myself this. Why is the lesson so hard to learn?

I guess it’s a matter of trust. (Who knew that Billy Joel would be a font of wisdom?) And trust is something I am relearning. I think that is something I may have touched on in the last post.

I emphasized the last sentence in the paragraph, “The connecting thread is love,” to reconnect it with the advice of Lao-Tsu. What is the softest thing that can conquer the hardest thing? Simple. Love.

In the book Siddhartha, the title character spends many hours meditating by the river. And the lesson he learns from the water is that Love is the most important thing, and truly the most powerful thing. For the water (love) can breakdown even the biggest boulder into tiny pebbles given enough time. Until it achieves that goal, it surrounds the boulder, goes around and over the boulder. Its flow never stops.

If I wanted to take this lesson one step further, then I can turn to the Letters to John and the most important verse in all of the New Testament. “God is love.” So the last sentence of the last paragraph of the mediation could then read, “The connecting thread is God.”

Wasn’t it always said “Let Go and Let God” in the Alateen meetings I went to when I was younger? To detach from the outcome, to detach from the need to control was a step towards serenity. I could use some serenity. Perhaps I should listen to the repeated lessons and trust that connecting thread, God?

And at the same time I need to ask myself are there things in my life to which I can give love so I won’t feel like I am just passively waiting? Yes. And is there someone, or are there some ones, in my life to whom I can give love? Yes. Then, I will be like the water to the boulder and say, “I love you,” as I flow over the boulders of fear to eventually turn them to pebbles. It is what I have been doing for years and I will continue to do it. Water can not be anything other than that which it is.

That will be the preparation for whatever is to come. So let it begin with me. And let it begin with love. If you stick around, I’ll let you know what it brings me in early 2006. Now if these damn allergies would just go away. . . .