Weekend Review & Finding Arms.

This weekend was one of ups, downs and then ups again. I say it that way because it was like that. Friday was an up because I found out the cold I had had for two weeks was allergies and by Friday evening, with the right drugs, I was feeling quite better. I planned a quiet night in to relax, recover and hopefully go to bed early. Which, if I can remember correctly, I did. I know that I talked with my roommate some. (The one that’s left.)

Saturday morning, I awoke somewhat early. I had guitar lessons from 10-12:30. Afterwards I came to the office to surf the net some. So I’ve been feeling lonely lately. It think it is a combination of coming back from an awesome time in NC and then being sick for two weeks. But I also think it’s a bit more than that.

If you have been a long time reader of my blog you may know about “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. I believe I made reference to it in my Valentine’s Day Post. My primary love languages in which I feel loved, and I have two that are equally important, are Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. I italicized the “and” in that sentence to highlight that while I have a plethora of Words of Affirmation, I still need that Physical Touch for my emotional well-being. And since the break up, and even before, I know I haven’t gotten enough. (To clarify, when I mean Physical Touch I don’t mean in a sexual sense however nice that is. On a basic level, I mean hugs. And, I do miss the cuddling next to someone in bed.)

It has been said, by some psychological people who have nothing better to do than study this stuff, that humans need to give and/or receive seven hugs a day to maintain emotional health. Back in college and after, I used to give/get well over 30 a day by a wide range of people. But since moving to NY I’m lucky if I get seven every 2 to 3 days. And since breaking up I know it’s less than that. (Also, I don’t want to make it sound like my ex-girlfriend was unaffectionate, or her parents. They were/are. But there is only so many hugs she and her mom are physically able to give a day. And I didn’t make as many tight friendships as I should or could have in graduate school.)

So I go from spending my birthday weekend with someone I love dearly and just electrifies my being. Being with her is like. . .well, like having an electric guitar’s strings tuned perfectly and then plugged into the biggest Marshall stack one can find. So there were hugs galore. (And nothing more.) Then we go to Greensboro to see my sister. And her top physical love language is Physical Touch as well. So she and I were hugging through the night. We run into my best friend. And he and I hug at least twice. (Hello and Goodbye.) So I was doing fine hug-wise. My emotional well-being was doing good.

Then I come back to NYC, where I don’t have many friends that are close enough that I can hug. And I get sick to boot. I went out to one night last week with my ex-girlfriend, and she hugged me hello and good-bye. Ok, two hugs. But they obviously didn’t feel the same as when we dated. But that is ok. Our friendship is changing. And I think I had a hug from her mom the next afternoon as I dropped something off to her house. And then nothing until Sunday.

So I think the down feeling I had on Saturday is partly because the lack of hugs. And because I realized I don’t have enough friends here in NYC. I don’t know how long I’ll stay here but I do know I need expand my circle of friends, especially with other musicians. Well, I put out an ad online seeking just that. I went to http://newyork.craigslist.org/ and posted an ad in the musician’s section. This is what I wrote.

Astoria based Guitarist Seeking Musician Friends

Hi. So I find that my circle of friends ain't that big. And my circle of musician friends even smaller. They are all spread out over the country. I am looking to meet new people who are musicians to hang with, jam, go see shows, etc. You can be man, woman, mineral I don't care. I just need some interaction with those mad souls who have to create sound just to exist.

Oh yeah, about me. I'm 29, male and have played guitar for going on 16 years now. I give guitar lessons in Astoria, and my interests run the gamut of music. I play electric, acoustic, classical and I sing baritone. Shoot me an email and let's see if we can do something.

Well, by this morning I have had five responses and two offers to audition for bands. Wow! I am responding to the emails that I have gotten and hopefully will have musical interaction by this weekend. Cool!

Also, Sunday was a very “up” day. I went to Long Island and spent the afternoon with my best friend Steve and his son, Lil Steve. I had a blast. It was a beautiful 70 degree day, sunny. And I got more than enough hugs. Big Steve and I barbecued some food, played catch and talked about life, women and stuff. You know, the usually guy things. Lil Steve and I played too. He is a 3 months shy of his 2nd birthday and just a barrel of fun. “Jim, Jim, Jim!” “What?” “A baboo leety wawa baboo. . .” I have no clue what he was saying. And then there was teaching him to kick the football, picking him up and running around. . . Just the kind of fun you can only have with a young kid. And of course, he gives unconditional love because he is so young as to know how to love any different way.

Lessons learned? Well, I need to go out and make those friends; expand the circle. Instead of waiting for the hugs to come to me, I need to go out and give the hugs. Also, I need to go see Steve and Lil’ Steve more often. They make for great therapy.