Finding a Song

This past weekend’s trip has provided me with a lot to write about, both in the blog and musically. I love the long 8 to 10 hour drive from NY to NC for a couple of reasons. First, because I enjoy the physical act of driving. I am very good at it and if I am driving alone, then I get to spend some quality time deep in thought; the second reason. Throw in some food, drink and kickin’ tunes and I am good to go. There is this one song that I listened to repeatedly on this trip that I want to talk about today. . .my wedding song.

I know it may sound cheesy for a guy to already know what song he wants to dance to at his wedding. Usually, it’s the woman who has everything planned out for that special day since they were 12. Now, I don’t. I have very few details thought out.. . like, the fact that I first need to find a woman to marry in the first place and convince her that this should be our song. The only part I have really given any thought to is the music. As a person who interprets the world through music, this is obvious. Besides, in my family, a wedding is a huge reason to party and dance. (Not that my family really needs much of an excuse to do either of these.) My family will be dancing and having a blast well before I get to the reception hall.

(Side Note: It will be in the DJ’s contract that if he plays either the Macarena or the Electric Slide, no matter how many requests he gets for either, he will be fired on the spot with no pay. Sorry, I am just so damn sick of those songs. End Side Note.)

So I found this song last summer. It is the last song of a long album and it spoke on a deep soul level to me the very first time I heard it. Much like Stevie Ray Vaughn’s cover of “Little Wing” by Jimi Hendrix, which brought me to tears the first three times I listened to it. (Oh yeah, I am not going to share the title or artist of this song. I don’t want to share it with everyone until all y’all are invited to the wedding. And yes, I did just say “all y’all.” I spend the weekend in NC, it rubbed off. I will share it with my two sisters and three “brothers,” so when the time comes they will be able to say, “Yes Jim, this song is about you and her.”) I quickly realized that it was about an all giving unconditional love.

And there were times that I so wanted this song to be about my ex-girlfriend because I did love her and in her way, she loved me. But I knew that we weren’t right for each other. There was something missing. I remember singing this song to myself, in the shower, crying because I wanted it to be about her. We put in so much time, but when two notes ring in dissonance to each other there isn’t much to you can do after trying to tune them for as long as we did. (And when you put two stubborn Aries together, that can be a long time!)

I have been listening to the song often since our break up. Sometimes 3-5 times a day. I find it a very inspiring piece of music even with out the lyrics. So I want to let you in on the conservation I had with the Still Small Voice about this song while driving down to NC. (By the way, the Still Small Voice in my head sounds female, always has been.)

SSV: You know, that is the third time in a row that you have listened to that song.

Me: I was wondering when you were going to show up.

Well, I dislike the traffic from NY to D.C. just as much as you too. I am impressed that you made crossed that distance in four hours even with the traffic.

Sorry if I was driving too fast.

Don’t apologize to me. I’m not the one who’ll get the ticket. So what’s with this song?

I don’t know, I really like it. I find it inspiring and I think this is the song I want to dance with my wife at my wedding, when I do find her.

You know, that is going to be awhile. There is much to be done in both of your lives between now and then to get you ready for each other.

I know. But it’s been on my mind lately. I guess I just miss being with someone. It gets lonely in that City.

Tell me about it. Even I feel lonely in that City and I’m everywhere and in everyone. But you shouldn’t worry about that. You know that YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! Don’t you?

Of course I do. You are always with me. Always have been with me, Always will be with me. Even in my darkest times when I forget that, forgot You, You were with me. And that is something I’ll never forget again. But You do have someone out there for me, right?

Of course! Actually, there are a few potentials out there for you. Who you end up with will depend on the choices you and she make. But again, don’t worry about it. Are you even the man yet that you want to be when you sing this song?

No. I know I still have work I need to do.

Right then. Don’t worry. Keep working on yourself. Also, though you and I are co-creators of your world, let Me handle this. You have enough to handle right now as it is. For instance, watch out for that Volvo.

What Volvo? Oh crap! That one. Ok, I know! If I focus on staying on the Path, or keeping my hand on the trolley strap, then whomever I need to meet in my life will show up at the right time.

Exactly.

I think there are a couple more things I’ve realized about this song while talking with you.

Really? And they are?

The first thing is that as much as I want to sing this song about someone, to feel this love towards a person, I also want someone to sing these lyrics to me. Because I deserve nothing less than that.

Right on, my boy! ‘Bout time you figured that out! Of course you deserve to receive a love as strong and as unique as the love you give. So that on your wedding day it won’t be just you singing to her, but both of you singing to each other. What was the second thing?

That I can be singing this song to You.

Aww. . .I’m touched. Hold on, I think I feel a tear! Just kidding. Of course, that makes sense. What you will see in your beloved, and she in you, is that part that is Me. “The kingdom of God is within you.”

So what now?

Well, you keep driving to Raleigh and watch out for those North Carolidiot drivers. Seriously though, keep that smile that has been on your face all day, all week even. Keep smiling, keep working, keep dreaming and keep in touch with me. What was it you used to say at the end of those meetings?

“Let it begin with me. When anyone, anywhere, needs help, I want the hand of Ala-Teen to always be there. For that I am responsible. Keep coming back, it works if you work it, so work it your worth it!”

Three key points there. One, let the change begin with you, Jim. Two, there are going to be people on your Path that need help. I will need you to be My hands. (That’s how you learn to make your love grow.) And three, it works if you work it, so work it, Jim, YOU’RE WORTH IT!

Thanks for the reminders.

Don’t mention it. Keep singing that song to yourself and Me. And you’ll do just fine. Have a Happy Birthday!

Wait! Before you go. (And I know You never really leave.) I love you!

I love you too, Jim.

P.S. GO HEELS!! (I did make the sky Carolina Blue after all! ;-)