A Child is Born, and Love is Made Alive

“From a world that’s never ending, from a sky beyond the skies, a child is born and love is made alive
Like a flaw that seeks perfection, with a will that will survive, a child is born and love is made alive.”
-from Made Alive by Spock’s Beard.


I wanted to write about this week’s “moment of Zen.” I take that phrase from the ending of The Daily Show on Comedy Central where Craig Kilborn, and then John Stewart, would end the show saying, “and here it is folk’s, your moment of Zen.” Then they would play some oddball moment from the show. From my study of Zen, I have taken this idea one more step to mean a moment when things are “right” and you feel that oneness with the world as opposed to just the wacko antics of The Daily Show. (Side note: That show is brilliant. End side note.) My ex-girlfriend and I would talk about our daily “moments of Zen” in our conversations in the beginning couple of years our relationship. Perhaps that is one reason we drifted apart spiritually and mentally. We stopped sharing those moments. (“Boredom between two people doesn’t come from being together, physically. It comes from being apart, mentally and spiritually” – Leslie Parrish-Bach) But I digress, this post isn’t about her.

This week’s “moment of Zen” happened while I was in church a week ago with Steve, his wife and their 1.75 year old son, Steve (from here on out, Lil’ Steve. Well, at least until he grows up and gets big. But we’ll deal with his new name then. Also, I am using Steve’s real name because he has commented on my blog and I would dishonor our 20 year friendship by not using his real name. However, I will anonymize him (new word, like it?) in the future when I tell any embarrassing stories about him and I.) I have known Lil’ Steve since he was born. I have changed his diaper a number of times. . . of course, not as many times as his parents. I have seen him grow, but more importantly, I have seen his father grow.

So Lil’ Steve was bashful towards me when I first arrived at his house that morning, as if I had never changed his diaper. Then again, knowing someone has changed your diaper could be a reason to be bashful. He wouldn’t even say hi to me. After some cajoling by mom, I just went to him picked him up and made him laugh and every thing was cool. He started saying, “Jim! Jim! Jim!” , in his tiny voice, and I’d say, “What, Lil’ Guy?” (He’s Lil’ Guy, while he dad is Big Guy.) His dad said, “Now you started it, Jim. He’ll play this game all day with you. He goes ‘Dad, dad, dad. ..” and then I go ‘what’ and then he keeps going.”

So we go to church, which was really uneventful for me. (Well, I did see my very first girlfriend. She is married now with a kid. That was a trip! Also, where did she get that chest!?! She didn’t have that when we dated. Yes, I was 13 and she was 12, but that is besides the point.) During the first song, I picked up Lil’ Steve and held him. He put his head on my shoulder and stayed like that for the whole of the song with his arms around my neck. I was. . .speechless and extremely happy. At the end of the song he sat up and clapped and then became restless and jumped out of my arms. But that moment lingered. It is still with me a week later.

As we were leaving the church, I go to the restroom. Big Steve takes Lil’ Steve out to the car. When I get out Big Steve tells me that Lil’ Steve was going, “Jim? Jim? Jim?. . .” as if to ask where I was. When I get in the car Lil’ Steve starts going, “Jim! Jim! Jim!” excitedly and tells me some stuff in gibberish. All in all, it was a great day and I feel so special that Lil’ Steve can say my name.

The deeper part of this post comes from the song quote above. I am amazed by Lil’ Steve. He didn’t even exist 3 years ago. Heck, Steve and I go back 20 years. Lil’ Steve wasn’t even a thought when we started our friendship back in fifth grade. Yet, here he is and I have to decide how I am to relate to Lil’ Steve. And I’ve decided to love him. Not that was a hard choice.

Long ago, I can’t remember when, Steve and I passed the point of being friends and became brothers. To brutally butcher a quote from Richard Bach, “God, in his infinite wisdom, made it so that all your family isn’t born under one roof.” His family became my family, and my family became his. I am excited to be “UNCLE JIM” to Lil’ Steve just like my “UNCLE PHIL” was to Big Steve. (No matter how I type those UNCLE PHIL or UNCLE JIM you guys won’t get the vocal inflection that Steve and I use when saying those. But Steve and Uncle Phil will)

I also look forward to be the lesson to Lil’ Steve that if two people as different his father and I are can be love each other, to be friends, brothers even, then he can learn to love those who are different from him. I also know that I will be the reminder to both Steves to love each other even when they won’t like each other. I know that will happen. Every teenage boy will think his dad is an idiot at one point or another. And every father will think his son is out of his mind.

How do I know this? Because Steve was that foil for me when I hated my father. He kept saying to me that no matter how much I didn’t like my father, that I needed to love him and keep trying to forgive him. I don’t hate my dad anymore. Haven’t for a few years. Still working on the loving him and forgiving him part, but that comes day by day. Baby steps, baby steps. That loving part is sometimes hard. It is good to have someone, like Steve, to remind you to do it.

So I will remind Lil’ Steve to love as he grows up in this mad, mad world. (That, and teach him about music.) There are few things in this world as magical as love, as special, as precious. And I will make sure that he knows that even when he doesn’t want to believe it.

I know you can’t read just yet, Lil’ Steve. But I love you. And I will make sure that you know that for all of your life.


And, oh yeah, Big Steve, I love you too.