Illumination, The Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything, and why Spider is bouncing off the walls again

Another long post. Sorry

I sit drinking a cup of hazelnut coffee (Hmm, hazelnut.) after getting one of the best nights of sleep in a long time. Got to love the little blue pills you can buy at CVS! I normally don’t take any sleep aids, but I wanted to sleep through the night for once. I used to be the deepest sleeper. My roommate in college actually kicked me in the back off his head while climbing up his bunk and I didn’t wake up. I didn’t even wake up that time he fooled around with his girlfriend on the top bunk that one time. (Either I was the deepest sleeper in the world, or it wasn’t really that good.) But I haven’t slept that deep on a regular basis in years. And I think I know why.

Back in college, and for a year or two afterwards, I was living from the Source. I was connected with Source (God) energy and I was always active and doing things. I would got from between 9 and 10 in the morning and go nonstop until 1 or 2 AM. And when I mean non-stop, I mean “Ricochet Rabbit-bing-bing-bing” non-stop. I was a dynamo of energy, a smiling Aries out to take on the world. And look out world hear I come!

But somehow I got off my Path. I started to forget my values, or at least not live true to my values. (My values will be a topic for a future post.) I wasn’t living my life from a place of Source energy. You are always connected to the Source. If you weren’t, you’d die. It then becomes a matter of how clean a connection you have. And my connection had gotten quite corroded. And when you have a crummy connection to your Source, you are not living from a place of love, kindness, goodness, abundance, health, and all the other qualities that we associate with living at higher levels of consciousness.

I think part of the not sleeping well started when I starting sleeping with my ex-girlfriend. (And yes, I mean sleeping.) The excitement of having someone there in the bed with, and the unfamiliarity of sleeping with someone, would keep waking me up. I mean c’mon, we are wasting time together by sleeping. We could sharing stuff and experiencing life like. . .midnight runs to Krispy Creme! What is this wasting thing called sleep! Turns out, sleep is a very important body function. And if you don’t get good sleep, you don’t operate too well during the day.

Then I think not sleeping well, with my girlfriend in the same bed, continued because at a soul level I knew that we weren’t right for each other. I loved her, but I knew there was something that wasn’t working and I was subjugating my values by staying with her. The sleep problems were just on outward expression of what my soul was experiencing. (And marrying her wouldn’t have solved any of them, my conservative friends who think I was/am living in sin. ;-)

(Side note: I am not saying my ex-girlfriend was the source of many of my problems. She is a great person, just not the right person for me. If anyone is to blame for all the problems we had it is me. I say that because I stayed in the relationship far longer than I should have while knowing all the red flags and problems weren’t going to work themselves out. I am responsible for my own happiness. I should have made a decision to live aligned to my values and ended the relationship a lot sooner. End side note.)

I even believe that on one level the Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and Cubital Tunnel Syndrome that racked my arms and ultimately sent me into a deep depression came from having a very corroded connection with Source. Yes, the fact that I am an musician and an avid computer user are the main cause of the repetitive strain injuries. However, if I had been living from Source, I would have taken better care of myself physically before the symptoms came on. (The trip through the darkness will be a topic of a future post.)

For the past few weeks, well at least since Xmas, I have been focusing on reconnecting with Source. I have been meditating regularly, seeking peace and finding serenity again. You know I am discovering is a side effect of all this? That power, that energy, that enthusiasm that I had when I was younger is back. And so is that perpetually smile.

Seriously, I woke up with a smile on my face today. And even though today hasn’t gone liked I planned, I still have serenity and I am smiling right now. And I am finding that that smile makes other people smile. I was emailing a friend from college and she mentioned how much my smile had meant to her. I was surprised. She wrote:

“even so, it is from a different perspective that i say your smile always de-stressed me- you just are one of those people who carries an essence of calmness and tranquility around you, even when you are stressed about something. . .. i don't know. i even feel calmer now- just writing you, after reading your email.”

Now I haven’t seen this friend in easily 4 years. She lives hundred of miles away but somehow my smile touches her now. Can the soul really transcend distances that far when giving out positive energy?

Another friend from college wrote the following after I had sent out a big email talking about the changes in my life.

“YOU SOUND GREAT. Very positive and ready to take on the world - which is how I remember you. I hope you continue to go onwards and Upwards”

She’s right. I do feel that way. And I always felt that when back when she saw me last. Wayne Dyer, in the book The Power of Intention, says that when you are connected to Source you feel good(God). And you will know when your connection with the Source (God) is clean and flowing when you feel good. Also, you have enthusiasm; a word that comes from the Greek entheos, “in God” or “God within.” When you have enthusiasm you are showing the God energy that is within you.

So this brings me to: What am I to do with all this energy? Now that I am reconnecting to Source and feeling good, what do I do with it? The answer is “give it away!” A new friend wrote the following in a email to me.

“WOW...TRIPLE ARIES! You must be quite a dynamic fellow with a strong personality and sense of self. Can you power a room with your energy alone? Like...plug light bulbs into your fingertips and...POW! ILLUMINATION! I think it would take a triple Aries to do that.”

To the people who have known me a long time, isn’t this person right with that assessment of me? When I am on Source, aren’t I the energy giver, the one whose enthusiasm is hard to quench? Lord knows I feel that way when I am one stage playing a gig. And this person makes this comment without even meeting me in person. Now there is use of a great word here, a deep word, illumination. In the dictionary illumination means 1) the act of illuminating 2) the bring forth light 3) clarification or elucidation 4) spiritual or intellectual enlightenment.

I think this is perhaps where my path through the mountain range (see last post) needs to go. This is my answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. (Yes, I know 42 is still the answer.) Remember the movie City Slickers when Jack Palance is talking with Billy Crystal about the secret of life. It is that “one thing” and knowing what that one thing is. The never reveal it in the movie, but Billy Crystal’s character gets it. I think it got it, at least for me. You have to figure out your own answer.

When I look to the past (walking backwards up the mountain) and see when I felt most alive, felt most connected with Source, I see all the times I was helping people; giving of myself to others. And it wasn’t giving of things or money. It was my time, a smile, a song, a hug, a hand, a shoulder, a laugh, a tear. It was the times I gave away my love, with no expectation of receiving anything in return, that I experienced love and happiness back a hundred fold.

Funny how life works. You have to give away that which you want to receive.

So I know now I have to be a light, again. I needed the time in the darkness to remember that. How I choose to shine that light into the world. . .well, I am still working on that. I’ve been starting with giving away smiles again. I don’t have too many friends here in NYC to give hugs to, but perhaps if I started giving away hugs I make more friends. (Either that or get shot.) From there I’ll share my songs again, something I should have never stopped. Baby steps, baby steps. Then we’ll see what comes next.

There is added benefit it this. Serotonin is the chemical in the brain that makes you feel good and it also boosts the immune system. Studies have shown that an act of kindness not boosts the serotonin levels of the recipient of the act, but also the giver. Surprisingly, it also boosts the serotonin levels of anyone who witnesses the act of kindness. Wow, no wonder why I always used to feel good and hardly ever get sick! (There’s your science lesson for the day, kids.)

I’m going to end with an apropos verse from the New Testament. Don’t worry, I’ll be quick. My hazelnut coffee is getting cold. It comes from Matthew 5:14-16. Jesus is talking about illumination.

“You are the light of the world. . . .No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that thy may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”

There you have it from the master himself. Got to give your light away. Don’t worry, like Doritos, we’ll make more. That Source energy is infinite. And the awesome thing I am finding out this time around is that when you are a source of illumination, you are also a recipient of that light. Now that is something to have a good night’s sleep over.