The Search for Quality Employees, Part 2

Yesterday, I had a very busy day at work as we interviewed 12 people for entry level positions in my department. Today, I am sifting through all the paper work. Joy! Last week, I had the pleasure of going through all the resumes and calling these people to come in for the interview. Like my last post about the hiring process (“The Search for Quality Employees”), these were the “best” that the recruiter had received.

I am aghast at was passes for quality these days. Again, like my last post, perhaps I am hyper-critical from my time as an admissions counselor. Then again, if you are going to send in a resume, PROOFREAD IT!!!!

Let’s look at some things written by these quality employees, shall we?


“My goal is to obtain my Masters Degree in Education. By doing so, I would like to become a counselor or teacher in the school system or the private septum”

-Private septum?!!! You mean, “A thin partition or membrane that divides two cavities or soft masses of tissue in an organism: the nasal septum; the atrial septum of the heart.”? Yeah, well I know for a fact that you won’t be working in MY private septum no matter what kind of degree you get!


“To utilize my skills within a company/organization that will utilize my acquired knowledge and skills to help heighten the growth of company assets.”

-If you utilize the word “utilize” once more I will smack you!! Also, “heighten the growth of company assets”? What kind of talk is that!!! That isn’t even proper business-speak. Furthermore, we’re a NON-PROFIT organization, we don’t have company assets that we seek to heighten. Growth of company assets implies that we are seeking a profit.


Objective: An interesting position with a growing company

-How about “The Dragon” position with Vivid Video? (That’s a interesting sexual position and one of the largest porn movie companies to those who don’t know.)


“To secure a job in a company where I can contribute my hard working charisma as well as assisting in the continuing success of the company.”

-“Hard working charisma”, eh? Doesn’t that sound like a necessary qualification for the porn industry? Also, if you really have charisma, does it really have to “work hard?” Isn’t that the point of charisma, it’s something that just flows out of someone?


Objective: “Leaving an indelible mark on the sand of time. Giving my beat, achieving where others have failed, seeking to excel, and climbing the ladder of success where others are weary and tired.”

-Ok, I’ll give this guy the typo of “beat” for “best.” This is actually quite poetic, though it should be “when” and not “where others are weary and tired.” But isn’t this over the top though for a entry level position? Also, the guy has Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in geography. Why are you applying to work with autistic people?