My Answers to Deep Thoughts (Part 1)

Wow, some really good responses to those questions. I have much to write and share, but I will try to be as brief as I can (which for me is hard). I will have to split my thoughts up into probably three posts.

The bulk of those questions, the deep ones at least, have been on my mind for the past two weeks because I recently had some of my core values and beliefs rattled. I can't really go into the hows and whys right now. But questions 1,2,3,5,6,&8 come from said rattling. Not that I've really changed my beliefs on these questions, but I need to reexamine them, which is good to do from time to time. Now onto my thoughts and some of your comments.

Question 1. "What are the healthiest ways to deal with pain?"

-This question relates to #5. Pain in life is inevitable. And I've realized that pain is pain, it really doesn't matter how long you've endured or to what magnitude. When you get into the game of who has endured the most pain, or for the longest time, you are just playing martyr games.

Last week, I got into an interesting discussion with a new friend about Ego Defense Mechanisms, all of which are ultimately unhealthy ways of dealing with pain. There are healthy ways, such as releasing or creative endeavors, that will turn the pain into something positive and not have it control your life. My sister, Kelly, wrote something quite profound that I like. (Actually, I will be quoting her a bit.)

"The healthiest way to deal with these kinds of pain is to talk about it, is to deal with it, because it's not going to go away if you don't. Talk about the situation that caused the pain. The best person to talk about it with would be the person that is either in the situation with you or has caused the pain in the first place. So you can get finality on it and move on.

But if that is not an option just opening your mouth to anyone that will listen or someone that you trust has a good head on their shoulders or a professional who can show you a healthier ways to deal with the pain is always the next best thing especially if we are not exactly sure what caused it. In other words, quick and to the point, the healthiest way to deal with pain is not to deal with it alone!"

My friend Robin also said something I like. Short and simple, she said, "Use your creative outlets." Turn that pain into something beautiful or productive!


Question #2 "Does living "one day at a time" really make that much of a difference?"

-Again, many good answers on this and much to quote. This question comes from an interaction with someone who loves the songs I quote below, but doesn't believe or live the message yet. In a recent argument, this rattled me so much I had to take stock as to why I think "one day at a time" really makes that much of a difference.

I do "take tomorrow, one day at a time." Any more and life becomes overwhelming. This is not to say that I just "live for the moment" and not make any future plans. (Great point there, Rachel!) And, it also means not forgetting the lessons of the past (thank you, Win), while knowing that the past does not equal the future. So each day is a choice for me to embrace life. I have tried just about every other way (with the exception of drugs) to deal with the inevitable pain of life, and this is the only way that I've been able to keep my sanity. Lyrics from two songs really capture the spirit of this.

"There's only us, there's only this
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss
No other road, no other way
No Day But Today

There's only now, there's only here
Give in to Love, or live in Fear
No other path, no other way
No Day But Today" -from the musical, RENT

"Give me all your fear,
Throw it all away,
Think about the good things,
No matter what they say
And we'll take tomorrow, baby
One Day at a Time." -"Take Tomorrow (One Day at a Time)" By Butch Walker (Actually, the entire song is amazing.)

Again, my sister wrote something profound in response to this question. When I read it to my co-workers there was a stunned silence and then a "Wow, that really puts it in perspective."

"That answer is a big fat "HELL YES!" I'm really wondering why you would question that. But I'll answer it anyway. . . Right, now in whatever situation you may find yourself in Living one day at a time doesn't always seem like that much of a big deal. And honestly, I think with everyday life people lose sight of the real meaning on living one day at a time. Until they find themselves in a predicament that they can't handle and is so overwhelming for them that they don't know what to do. Living one day at time means to keep things simple and appreciate the things you do have today and be humble about it. If your still having problems on seeing that. I'll show you. . . Ok, think of what ever you are doing in your life right now that is making you question why living one day at a time would make a difference. Now, sit down, take a step away from it and think. I mean really think. Ok, now that you thought about flip it and put yourself in my shoes.

I have no choice but to live "one day at a time" because I'm alive today. I was blessed and able to wake up this morning. I wasn’t killed by a mortar round in my sleep, or a stray bullet going through my tent, or out on patrol looking for bombs or on the convoys that I go on almost daily/weekly. So all I have is one day at a time. If I sit here and worry about tomorrow (which may never come) or worry about what I'm going to do when I get back home 117 days away. I'll just be driving myself crazy today, and not appreciate the things I can do and do have. I don't believe living one day at a time with a conscience for the future is living with faith. Living one day at a time with a conscience for the future just makes question # 1 and life in general a little easier to deal with."

Thanks Lil' Sis for making the current problems in my life seem small and managable. And that is as good as any a reminder to live one day at a time.

More coming in Part 2.