The Heart of the Matter

I must conquer my loneliness
alone.

I must be happy with myself
or I have
nothing
to offer

Two halves have
little choice
but to join,
and yes,
they do
make a
whole

But two
wholes,
when they coincide. . .

that is
beauty.

That is
love.

By Peter McWilliams

This weekend I have been packing to move to my new apartment. I have more books and cd's and junk than I thought I did. I found some old cards and emails that my former girlfriend had given me and it stirred up old memories. All bittersweet because of how we had changed.

I keep trying not to drive myself mad by questioning if our love was ever real. I think of the song "Heart of the Matter" by Don Henley. My mom gave that to my dad when they separated. The key line in the song, I think, is "but I think it's about Forgiveness, Forgiveness, even if, even if you don't love me anymore." Forgiving her, forgiving us so I can move on.

Another line in the song that resonates with me is, "All the things I once knew, I'm learning again." Learning how to love myself, live by myself, learning about life and love once more. So that way I will be a whole again. And when I coincide with another whole . . .well, that will be beautiful.