Inspirations

Just wanted to write post about my inspirations for this blog. The thought of keeping an online journal came to me in mid-November as things really started breaking down between my Former and I. I wanted to keep track of my thoughts and then put them out for the world to see. I figured I could get some reassurance on some points and on others have it pointed out to me how much of an asshole I had been. Either way, I wanted to expose myself, become naked, and explore the places inside of me, both dark and light. There were two main inspirations for this adventure.

The first were the semi-weekly writings called, "Notes of a Dirty Young Man" by Jaysen Buterin. Jaysen was the drummer for my band Nandina back in Greensboro, NC. Do a Google search on his name or the name of his writings and I am sure you will find some of his work.

Now let me describe Jaysen. He originally had long straight hair, almost down to his butt, an long van dyke and looked like Jesus. Well, like Jesus would have looked like if he was white. When I first met him, he had a number of tattoos. I think fourteen. The last I heard was that he now had over twenty-four. Last I saw him, he had cut his hair short and dyed it blue. He is a rocker, a music journalist, a comic-book fan, definitely outside of the mainstream. . .and a man of pure genius.

Last I heard from him, he was finishing up his Masters of Literature from UNCG. Every article he wrote forced me to a find a dictionary because he used words that I had never see before in my life. Thanks to Jaysen, I now know what "diaphanous" and "hypnogogic" mean and can use them in conversation. I remember one time I was over his apartment and he had this huge tome on his coffee table. It was The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer, in the original Old English. I asked him, "Jaysen, out of the 15,000 people at UNCG, students and professors, how many can read this, including you?"

Jaysen stood there for a moment counting in his head and replied, "Four." Like I said, a man of genius.

So, while I will never have the plethora of polysyllabic words in my vocabulary that Jaysen uses so freely, or the pithy and sardonic wit that he has, or even make as many pop-culture references as he does, he still remains one of my main inspirations for this endeavor. For that I thank him deeply.

The second big inspiration for this blog comes from an online journal of this woman who lives here in NYC. She is a bass player and I answered her musicians’ ad one day. She was seeking a guitarist to start a band. We talked on the phone, seemed to click, but could never work it out to get together. That is alright because in the long run, I don’t think we would have worked out. So she has me go to her site to listen to some of her music and read her online journal (http://www.theprincessdrea.com/). Now, before you click to visit, let me warn you that there is nudity there. More specifically, she herself gets naked.

Now this is New York, and nothing surprises me anymore. But I was a little surprised at this. Now her naked photos of herself, nor the clips of her singing and playing guitar naked, really aren’t erotic. Nor are her journal entries erotica. The site is in essence a soul totally exposing herself to the world and explore all the places inside her, both the dark and the light. She writes about giving up her vices. She writes about her relationships. She writes about what makes her happy and in the same breath explores her insecurities. No area of her life is free from exploration.

For some odd reason, I find I have a lot of respect for her. Now I know you are saying, "C’mon Spider, you just like the site because you see her boobies!" But that is not it, because there are plenty of sites out there where I can see women with better boobies than she has. I know, I have them bookmarked on my computer. I guess it is because I see in her a courage so strong to do what she does. How many of you are so willing to bare so much of yourself to the world? (Some of you really do not need to follow her example because I don’t want to see you naked!!) How many of your are willing to be so honest with yourselves and the world? If I could be half as brave as her, I think I would have accomplished a lot.

Finally, there is one more person who inspired this. My friend Beth from college. I recently caught up with her on Instant Messenger and saw, in her Buddy Info, her blog address (http://flora132.blogspot.com). I visited and saw that I could this for free, that it was easy, and here we are. So yes, in a way I am just copying Beth. But then again, that isn’t a bad thing because Beth is an amazing person. And if someone said that I was like her, in any small fashion, I would take that as a compliment.