You Can Go Your Own Way.

Ok, I guess I should have put this warning in my first blog post. This will not be a PG blog. Nor will it be a PG-13 blog. Life is rated R. I am sorry if things I write may offend you, but life is offensive. Get over it. If you are one of my younger friends or relatives, make sure you get your parents’ permission first.

Who am I kidding? This is the internet, were freedom reigns. For now. If you are underage, read away! You just may find that growing up ain’t all that it is cracked up to be.

Anyway, I am going to let today be thoughts about my break up with my girlfriend since it was a week ago today that we decided to split. 5 years, 3months is a sizeable chunk of one’s life to give to another human being. There had been some arguments the past two years, but as we talked last week we realized we were going to two very directions as well as having some very different core values. The difference in these core values caused us to have fights four years ago. But we were both hopeful things can changes, or just too stubborn to acknowledge them. The fear of being alone is a powerful force.


However, loneliness is something that I used to never feel. I felt connected to everyone, to the world, to God. . .to my girlfriend. But then we progressed to a point where I felt lonely all the time, even with her sleeping right next to me. That is a horrible feeling. Knowing that you love the person, but cannot feel a connection, knowing that there is a chasm between you and really not a chance of building a bridge across. I am sure that she felt the same way.


In talking we saw that to be true to ourselves we needed to honor our individual values and split. Because I wasn’t happy trying to live her values, nor was she trying to live mine. And that wasn’t going to change no matter how much we hoped. Better to leave as friends that to be enemies as lovers.


Am I angry at her? No. Is there resentment? No. Maybe a little regret that we didn’t split four years ago, but I can’t live like that. There has been a lot of good from the relationship. I learned a lot about life, about myself and about the insanities of women. Yes, to all my women readers, you are insane!! Fuck being from Venus! All y’all are from somewhere way outside the Solar System!


So now I need to take time for me. I need to find a place to live here in NYC while I figure out where in this big world I want to move to next. I need to practice my fingers off and get my music composing back into form. And I need to reconnect with those core values I held for so long that I temporarily forgot. Values that I know are good and will draw me to success. Values that I know attracted so many positive people into my life. Perhaps I’ll discuss these values in tomorrow’s entry.

Goodbye for now from the Big City. Tomorrow will be another day.