Tales of a Pocket Spider

2011 Test

2011-05-10T00:26:00.001-04:00

This is test. Had it been a real blog post, there would have been something of worthy value written here.

I've been learning about email list building

2010-07-20T15:44:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to give you a quick note telling you about this AWESOME new report I just picked up. It's totally FREE: email list building

I know you've probably seen similar reports on building a list... but I have to tell you, this one is DIFFERENT!

He really gets into detail about how imperative it is to build a list of subscribers and after reading what he has to say, it really opened my eyes.

BUT THEN he gives really easy steps to get it done and some very neat tricks about how to make money FAST.

If you don't have a list or you're just starting, now you don't have any excuses - you have to read this short ebook! email list building

And even if you have a list, I think you should still pick it up and read it. Here's why...

1) There's a lot of great profit techniques in there and superb resources for further education.

2) When you opt-in, he's actually giving away a video that will BLOW YOU AWAY. He says it's a $47 value and I can't argue! This is a really easy but advanced technique that can help you make a lot more money with your promotions (and win a ton of free prizes).

All in all, I'd say this is a must-have.

Go learn about >> email list building << now!

Thank You Sir! May I Please Have Another!!

2010-05-05T13:12:00.001-04:00

Ah...the ad hominem attack. the last-resort tactic inept debaters try when they cannot overcome an opponent's argument. Thank you, sir! I say to you, Good form!!

(No, this is not refering to you my college friend with whom I'm actually having a very good and high level argument with.)

This Was Too Good Not to Post

2008-09-28T23:09:00.002-04:00

Jack Cafferty says it all in this video. Plain and simple, we all should be scared as hell.

Seriously, what the fuck was she talking about with that answer?!! I never took a business class in college but I could have schooled her!!!!

This is Your Nation on White Privilege

2008-09-17T08:00:00.002-04:00

This was too good not to re-post.

It was originally published on Tim Wise's Zspace page. Tim Wise is the author of White Like Me (Soft Skull, 2005, revised 2008), and of Speaking Treason Fluently, publishing this month, also by Soft Skull.

This is Your Nation on White Privilege

For those who still can't grasp the concept of white privilege, or who are constantly looking for some easy-to-understand examples of it, perhaps this list will help.

White privilege is when you can get pregnant at seventeen like Bristol Palin and everyone is quick to insist that your life and that of your family is a personal matter, and that no one has a right to judge you or your parents, because "every family has challenges," even as black and Latino families with similar "challenges" are regularly typified as irresponsible, pathological and arbiters of social decay.

White privilege is when you can call yourself a "fuckin' redneck," like Bristol Palin's boyfriend does, and talk about how if anyone messes with you, you'll "kick their fuckin' ass," and talk about how you like to "shoot shit" for fun, and still be viewed as a responsible, all-American boy (and a great son-in-law to be) rather than a thug.

White privilege is when you can attend four different colleges in six years like Sarah Palin did (one of which you basically failed out of, then returned to after making up some coursework at a community college), and no one questions your intelligence or commitment to achievement, whereas a person of color who did this would be viewed as unfit for college, and probably someone who only got in in the first place because of affirmative action.

White privilege is when you can claim that being mayor of a town smaller than most medium-sized colleges, and then Governor of a state with about the same number of people as the lower fifth of the island of Manhattan, makes you ready to potentially be president, and people don't all piss on themselves with laughter, while being a black U.S. Senator, two-term state Senator, and constitutional law scholar, means you're "untested."

White privilege is being able to say that you support the words "under God" in the pledge of allegiance because "if it was good enough for the founding fathers, it's good enough for me," and not be immediately disqualified from holding office--since, after all, the pledge was written in the late 1800s and the "under God" part wasn't added until the 1950s--while believing that reading accused criminals and terrorists their rights (because, ya know, the Constitution, which you used to teach at a prestigious law school requires it), is a dangerous and silly idea only supported by mushy liberals.

White privilege is being able to be a gun enthusiast and not make people immediately scared of you. White privilege is being able to have a husband who was a member of an extremist political party that wants your state to secede from the Union, and whose motto was "Alaska first," and no one questions your patriotism or that of your family, while if you're black and your spouse merely fails to come to a 9/11 memorial so she can be home with her kids on the first day of school, people immediately think she's being disrespectful.

White privilege is being able to make fun of community organizers and the work they do--like, among other things, fight for the right of women to vote, or for civil rights, or the 8-hour workday, or an end to child labor--and people think you're being pithy and tough, but if you merely question the experience of a small town mayor and 18-month governor with no foreign policy expertise beyond a class she took in college--you're somehow being mean, or even sexist.

White privilege is being able to convince white women who don't even agree with you on any substantive issue to vote for you and your running mate anyway, because all of a sudden your presence on the ticket has inspired confidence in these same white women, and made them give your party a "second look."

White privilege is being able to fire people who didn't support your political campaigns and not be accused of abusing your power or being a typical politician who engages in favoritism, while being black and merely knowing some folks from the old-line political machines in Chicago means you must be corrupt.

White privilege is being able to attend churches over the years whose pastors say that people who voted for John Kerry or merely criticize George W. Bush are going to hell, and that the U.S. is an explicitly Christian nation and the job of Christians is to bring Christian theological principles into government, and who bring in speakers who say the conflict in the Middle East is God's punishment on Jews for rejecting Jesus, and everyone can still think you're just a good church-going Christian, but if you're black and friends with a black pastor who has noted (as have Colin Powell and the U.S. Department of Defense) that terrorist attacks are often the result of U.S. foreign policy and who talks about the history of racism and its effect on black people, you're an extremist who probably hates America

White privilege is not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is when asked by a reporter, and then people get angry at the reporter for asking you such a "trick question," while being black and merely refusing to give one-word answers to the queries of Bill O'Reilly means you're dodging the question, or trying to seem overly intellectual and nuanced.

White privilege is being able to claim your experience as a POW has anything at all to do with your fitness for president, while being black and experiencing racism is, as Sarah Palin has referred to it a "light" burden.

And finally, white privilege is the only thing that could possibly allow someone to become president when he has voted with George W. Bush 90 percent of the time, even as unemployment is skyrocketing, people are losing their homes, inflation is rising, and the U.S. is increasingly isolated from world opinion, just because white voters aren't sure about that whole "change" thing. Ya know, it's just too vague and ill-defined, unlike, say, four more years of the same, which is very concrete and certain.

White privilege is, in short, the problem

Dr. Henry Black Ingram, R.I.P.

2008-09-15T09:58:00.006-04:00

I was going to write a post this morning bitching about the stress I've been under the past two weeks, and then turn it into a positve post about my ex-girlfriend's upcoming wedding. That post will have to wait until tomorrow because of the news that I received this morning.

Dr. Henry Black Ingram, my first undergraduate advisor when I got to Greensboro College as a freshman passed away this weekend at the age of 76. Even though I have not seen Dr. Ingram for many years I am deeply saddened by his passing and had to take time this morning to reflect. Please go read his obituary linked above and then come back here. I'll wait.

Dr. Ingram was a tremendously kind man and most definitely a extremely talented and practiced pianist. I have three memories of him that I'd like to share with you to honor his life.

The first and foremost was the compassion he showed as an advisor that went above and beyond the call of duty for that job description. The greatest benefit Greensboro College offered me because of its small size was the personal attention that one could receive. Dr. Ingram and I would often have great conversations that lasted well longer than the time required to pick out next semester's courses. I was young as a freshman, 17, and 600 miles away from home. Dr. Ingram made me feel welcome at GC. He asked me about my family, my home life, my personal development as a young man, and my interests beyond music. He encouraged me to take as many classes other than music as I could because, one, Greensboro College's firm belief in a liberal arts education and a well-rounded student, and more importantly, two, it is our life's experiences that truly inspire our music and music performance.

An example would be Beethoven's 3rd Symphony which he originally dedicated to Napoleon, but later rescinded that dedication. If I only took music classes and never took a world history class, I would never have learned the socio-economic and political issues of that time to understand why Beethoven made and rescinded that dedication.

2. I think it was in my sophomore year that I signed up to take a Film class co-taught by Dr. Ingram and Dr. Leslie, a sociology professor. The class would meet one night a week, watch a movie based on a different type of "success" and then write a two page paper in answer to some questions about that movie. For "financial success" we watched Wall Street, for "sports success" we watched The Sandlot, for "academic success" we watched the movie The Paper Chase, and so on.

In this class I got to see as side of Dr. Ingram other than music; his love of movies. The class also inspired me to be more active in my thinking while watching a movie. The following year I signed up for another film class co-taught by Dr. Ingram. This time the class was titled "Ethics in Film" which was co-taugth by the chair of the Ethics department, Dr. Philip Rolnick. This time each film examined specific ethical issues or dilemma's. Those two classes stand out as some of my favorites in my entire college career!

3. Each semester every Greensboro College music student was required to attend a certain number of musical performances. Dr. Ingram was scheduled to have a recital with his wife, Lucy, for a "four hands play piano" type recital. This is where a piece of music is either written for two pianists as separate pianos or sometimes two pianists playing the same piano. I believe this event took place during my junior year after Dr. Ingram had retired and was no longer my advisor.

I remember watching Dr. Ingram and his wife perform from the balcony of Odell Auditorium (now named the Gail Huggins Performance Center). I was enraptured by the music. It was rich, complex and far more difficult than just any two hand piano piece. I also remember being touched by how well Dr. Ingram and Lucy worked together. And saying to myself, I have to make sure that I have a wife someday that loves music as much as I do. (Also, I said to myself, "I hope my hands move as fast as Dr. Ingram's when I am his age!")

I don't think Dr. Ingram knew how much of an influence his was one me. I really don't think I knew until recently. I'm 32 now and I have a lot more wisdom than I did at 17. Ok, maybe not that much more, but some. I hope that all of you would have the fortune to have someone like Dr. Ingram in your lives; a teacher who goes beyond teaching a subject and touches your soul and leaves your forever changed for the better.

Rest in peace, Dr. Ingram. Thank you for your life.

A Minor Observation

2008-08-20T11:36:00.004-04:00

I went to a local open mic night last night with a friend to relax and hear some local music. As usual, some really great music....and some really bad music. But it's all in good fun.

But that's not the point. The point is that my friend buys me a beer, and knowing that I should have said Guinness I instead said, "I'll have what your having."

He gives me a Heinken bottle.

Never one to turn down free beer I say thank you, do the ritual "First One Today!" toast, and glady drink my beer. (There's a whole story to that toast which will be fodder for a future post when their site comes back online.) Which in turn leads me to the following conclusion.

Heineken beer tastes like ass!!!

Now, I have to vehemently exclaim that I have NO experience whatsoever with tasting ass (I'm sure my mom really needed to know that) to be able to make a comparison. HOWEVER, I am sure that if I ever tasted ass (which ain't gonna happen!) I would say, "Holy Shit! (Pun very much intended) This tastes like Heineken beer!"

I mean they (Heineken brewers) don't even hide the fact that their beer tastes like ass in it's name. "Heine(y) + ken (kin)" I am sure that wordologists would sure be able to tell that that name means a "heiney's kin" or "a kin to a heiney"

Of course, all this ass-tasting beer is bringing back memories of my high school graduation night where my best friend Steve and I each drank at least 36 ounces of this green bottled libation. Since he had a higher tolerance, he was able to go out on the boardwalk and beach with our friends while I stayed in the car with the spins. You would have thought that I would have learned the lesson to stay away from Heineken then, but really do we ever learn anything at 17.

Should have asked for the Guinness. But then you would never have learned this valuable lesson from my pain.

Imagine This....

2008-08-08T07:41:00.002-04:00

As I was looking for my birth certificate last night, I found my only copy of this poem/story/declaration that I wrote when I was 17. I thought I'd share it here so it'd last forever.

Imagine This...
by James O'Gara

Imagine this world was as beautiful,
As that flower about to bloom.
And that statement was true,
"The light and will always shine through."

But I know this world isn't that pretty,
And light and good are just figments,
In a young child's mind, young as a flower,
A flower in the middle of a deep thick forest.

Whose canopy, has for centuries, darkened the forest floor,
So that every little light from the sun reaches it.
There on the forest floor is where you'll find a place,
A place very similar to where my flower grew.

Sure it would have been nice to grow,
In those few well lighted places,
But most of the forest is in darkness,
Where the light and good don't shine through.

So the flower wilted for a time in the shade of the big trees,
Till it saw the other flowers blossoming and said,

"I WANT THAT!"

But deep in its heart of hearts,
It knew that it would never be in the light for a long time.

This made the flower sad and it wilted some more.
It wanted to bloom like the others, but no light shined upon it,
Till it said, "Let me make my own light then!"
So from deep within its roots a changed occurred.

Energy coursed through its petals,
And for the first time it blossomed.
The other flowers stared in awe.
They had never known any other light an good,
Except that which was given to them by the sun.

Now to see such light and good radiate,
From a flower in the darkness amazed them.
What surprised them more was that the flower,
Grew faster than all of them,
Because the light and good care from within.

It was stronger than any light and good that,
Could ever come through the canopy of the threes.
That light and good didn't shine through,
And probably never could have.
That flower had to create its own light and good to survive.

Just like a life that has begun to bloom,
It needs to create its own light and good,
To live, to see, to enjoy beauty.
All the life has to do is remember that light and good
Come within and just Imagine This...

NO! I Don't Want to Date Your Mom!!!

2008-08-04T19:17:00.002-04:00

So this morning when I logged into Myspace, and I got one of the oddest emails. Now this isn't the usual spam trying to get me to join some dating site or to try some penile enhancement product. (I swear a spiteful ex has given my email to every spammer of that product!)

Well, before I comment about it, I want you to read it.

Hello there cuddles! Wanna have tons of fun?

If your answer is yes, my mother would like to be your personal playmate, you can reach her at marie_foxter at XXXXX. She's been single for about 24 months now and she wants to meet a funny, romantic guy to date. I'm helping her with online dating because she has no idea how this works. Here's a little about her. She's very pretty and engaging. She likes to be outdoors and practices a few activities like tennis and golf. She also loves to swim and to dance. She keeps an open mind about things, but don..t get her going on the sad state of politics in this country! She likes taking scenic drives or leisurely walks. She loves to work but will not sacrifice that for family time. A memorable first date for her would include doing something like visiting a museum, visiting a gallery, going to a trendy nightclub or even catching an independent movie at an art house.

That's all for me! you won't regret replying to my mom, thanks.

Ok, where do I start with this one.

1. She started off by calling me "cuddles." Serious, do I look like a fucking "cuddles" to you?!

2. You're pimping for your mom!! And on MYSPACE! Am I the only one who finds something slightly wrong with this? You say that she has no idea how it works. Well, goto EHarmony.com, show her how it works and then leave her to it. It worked for me and a buddy of mine.

3. This person gives their age on their page as 22 (or 19 depending where on the page your read.) So that would make her mom, at the youngest (I hope) 36. Maybe even as old as 45. I'm 32. My older woman fantasies include just three women. Salma Hayek, Catherine Zeta Jones and Shania Twain.

Catherine Zeta Jones is married to Michael Douglas, so that one ain't happening. Shania Twain recently split with her husband so there is a chance there. And Salma Hayek…well, her lawyers say I need to stop trying to contact their client or else they're going to press charges.

And yes, while I have to accept that as I get older some of the women I may date will have kids, I'm not at that level of acceptance yet. I'm still getting used to my best friend in the world having a 5 year old!

4. Along the lines of the age thing about her mom, the picture of this girl shows that she is hot! So hoping for good genes, I hope her mom is hot. However, this is a problem as I'd be distracted by her. I'm sorry, I'm still a guy, and still young enough that I'd be distracted by a hot 22 year old, or 19 year old (again depending what's right), hanging around.

5. It is obvious from my profile that I'm "In A Relationship" and my fiance is the number one friend in on my page. Not that a relationship stops people from hitting on other people, but you'd think if one was trying to find someone for their mom, who hasn't dated in 24 months (talk about dry spell there), that they would exclude people already in relationships, like me, from their search just to make things easier for their mom to get back in the dating game!!

Again, at least this was something different from the usual spam that I get. So I responded with a polite declination, wished her and her mom luck in their search, and thanked her that she wasn't someone hawking penile enhancement.

A Guitarist Tries Guitar Hero for the 1st Time

2008-07-06T09:29:00.002-04:00

So I have been in Greensboro, NC for the week visiting family and friends. Last night, my lady and I went out with my friend, KRSONE, and his wife. After a nice dinner we went back to their house for wine and to play Guitar Hero.

I've never played Guitar Hero as I don't have a video game system. And for the fact that I have currently have 7 REAL guitars. (I've had more that 25 in my lifetime.) Why play a video game of a guitar, when I can play the song in real life.

But there I was at my buddy's house watching him and his wife smoke the songs, on easy level. After watching them and getting a feel for the game, KRSONE says, "Your turn, Spider!"

So I start on a practice level with the song "I Hate Myself For Loving You" by Pat Benatar. (A fitting song for someone in my life.) And, I SUCKED!! I only got 24% of the notes correct.

The next song I tried was "Cliffs of Dover" by Eric Johnson. A decidedly harder song, but I thought I was getting the hang of things.

I SUCKED AGAIN! This time getting 49% of the notes right.

Later in the evening I tried an Aerosmith song while the band was on stage. I got booed off. Dang!!

Ok, I know. I'll do good on the song "Black Magic Woman" by Santana. I can play both the guitar and bass parts in real life so I should rock on this one. Right? WRONG!!! I played the bass part and I only got 53% right. The whole grooving end part I just blew out of the water.

I think one of the problems was that I was picking the songs in time with the music and not as the color notes passed the lines on the screen. At one point my buddy turned off the music to see if I would do better just using the visual cues. That helped me only a little.

The big thing was the scrolling fretboard really bugged my eyes out. You get so focused on it, and then when I'd look at something else in the room it appeared to be moving vertically. By the end of the night, I couldn't look at the screen anymore. (And no, I know it wasn't the wine I had been drinking.)

My eyes hurt through the night as I slept. And they still hurt this morning as I type this. I guess I am not used to video games anymore. I hope that doesn't eat into my geek cred.

Off to go play my REAL guitar and be a REAL guitar hero!

If You've Ever Wondered About NJ. . .

2008-06-21T09:23:00.003-04:00

So I was driving home Thursday from work and I was stopped behind a bus two blocks from my apartment. There was a big ad/poster on the back of the bus which said in big letters:

"1 in 200 Children in NJ has Tourette's Syndrome."

My first thought was not to read the rest of the ad, but was:

"God, that explains soooooo much about this state!"

No offense to any of my friends and family living here in NJ!

Edited to add:

My fiance says to me as I told of this post while driving home from a party yesterday, "Well, it's like a chicken and egg thing. I mean, maybe it was NJ that gave them Tourette's!"

My Questions for The Geek Test

2008-06-18T13:01:00.004-04:00

So my soon-to-be brother-in-law, (ok, it's a year away but I like saying that instead of "my sister's fiance"), challenged me to a "Geek Test" on the rival networking site to Myspace, Facebook. It was a hundred question test with a variety of topics from computers, to science, to gaming, and such. Want to know my score?

Your Score:
99
You are geekier than:
100% of your Friends
99% of everyone on Facebook

Really?! Did this come as a surprise to any of you who know me or have been regular readers of my blog?!

The "100% of you Friends" means the 100+ friends I have on Facebook. But I am sure that is close to a real life percentage as well. I remember one night back in 2001 or 2002 as we were over Max Diablo's apartment as the "Nerd Herd" was there to watch Angel and Buffy The Vampire Slayer, my friend Brown starts talking about using hexidecimal math (Base 12) at work. I then start talking to him as if hexidecimal math was like a 2nd language to me; which it can be as I do have a degree in mathematics. He looks at me and said something to the effect of, "Holy shit, Spider!! I thought I was a major geek but you outgeek me by far!!"

So my soon-to-be brother-in-law writes to me, after I share my score with him, "It appears you have taken me to the cleaners. . . I thoroughly enjoyed the last question of, " Did you spend time thinking of other questions that would make this quiz better". (or something like that) That made me hang my head."

I wrote back to him that I did think of more questions, and here they are. How many can you answer yes to? (He only got 7)

1. Do you have a t-shirt or any paraphernalia, with the number 42 on it?

2. Have you ever bought clothing proclaiming your geekness?

3. Have you ever bought geek related clothing for your significant other?

4. Can you explain why the Empire would kick the shit out of the Federation?

5. Have you ever dreamed of being a Borg?

6. Can you explain Shroedinger's Cat?

7. Can you explain Occam's Razor?

8. Can you explain why the use of Occam's Razor at the end of the movie Contact was incorrect and you're pissed that Jodie Foster's character didn't point it out?

9. Can you explain the significance of knowing the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

10. Can explain the theory of Relativity beyond just defining E=mc^2?

11. Do you own a poster of Einstein or a book of quotes from him?

12. Have you ever taking the time to prove why calculus?

13. Have you taken more that two calculus classes and not failed them?

14. Do you sometimes gaze off into the distance because you are pondering math problems?

15. Would the topic of your thesis paper be lost on more than 85% of the population?

16. Have you ever not gotten laid because of your geekness?

17. Have you ever thought you were better than a nerd, but still felt some empathy because you understood them?

18. Have you ever posted 2 or more blog posts on your blog about being a geek? (Tales of A Pocket Spider readers know that I have!)

19. Do you know why you would need 1.21 gigawatts and why because of modern physics it really wouldn't matter?

20. Have you ever used math or physics to win a legal dispute?

21. Have you ever thought you could audition for "Beauty and The Geek"?

22. Has the song "The Geek Gets The Girl" by American HiFi ever applied to you?

22. Have you come up with 20 or more questions to add to the geek test?

How did you do? I'm sure I can come up with more questions. And I know that if you do a Google search you can find more in depth Geek Tests. I one time took a 500 question geek test. Yeah, I scored astromonically high on that one too. I guess my saving grace, and why I wasn't a member of Lambda Lambda Lambda in college, is that I score extremely low on any Purity Test that I take. (Those test answers are only given out when plied with copious amounts of alcohol!)

How did my future B.I.L score on the geek test? "I guess I will have to be content with being the number two geek of my friends. Congrats on the 99% of Facebook, I think I was around 75%. " At least he'll be in good company when he marries my sister!

Black Socks

2008-06-13T13:39:00.005-04:00

So I was sitting outside the NY Hall of Science yesterday, in Corona Queens. I was waiting to meet up with my friend, and former roommate, who works there. It was a stunningly beautiful day. Warm, blue skies, low humidity. As I was sitting there a father walks pushing his child in a stroller. As I watch him I had this thought form in my head.

"What is it with the prevalence of Hispanic men wearing black socks with shorts?!"

I ask this as a Hispanic man and I know that my grandfather had this fashion affliction. ANd more recently, two of my Hispanic musician friends here in NYC have it. I have seen both of them on multiple occasions wear black socks with shorts and sneaker or shorts and sandals.

Didn't they, and we, learn from our grandfathers?!!! Black socks, pulled up on the calf (tight, mind you!) while wearing shorts doesn't look good!!

Ever!!!

Beyond that I really have no place making fashion comments. But I do know when the Fashion Police need to be called!

Heatwave, A Major and a Minor Accompliment

2008-06-07T20:42:00.004-04:00

It's a heatwave here in the NYC Metro Area. It was mid 90's today with a similar forecast for the next 3 days. The weather people said we might get some relief Wednesday when it drops to 85. Ooooooh!!

Not complaining about the heat though. All day today, as I will be tomorrow, I've been stuck inside a darkened room giving massages in my last two days of required clinic hours at the Institute of Therapeutic Massage. Yes, I'm excited that I am finally done with massage therapy school. But damn, I really didn't want to spend this really first weekend of summer indoors!! The pool at my apartment building is free this weekend, as opposed the soon in effect $100 season pass that's normally required.

But I guess I have to be happy that I am done with massage school and the next step is to take and pass the national certification test. So I know it's a major accomplishment. (And before any of you poo-poo massage therapy school, know that my Anatomy and Physiology classes were college level in difficulty.)

The minor accomplishment today? I touched my toes in a standing stretch for the first time in like. . .years!! I've started getting back into doing power yoga for my fitness plan. (I need to lose 20 pounds by Oct. 1. I'll tell you why in a future post.) So yeah, it's something minor, but "Hello Toes!!"

Ok, off to finish laundering my sheets for tomorrow's day of massages. Just 4 more massages left!!!

Welcome Back to Me

2008-05-28T13:04:00.003-04:00

Inspired by a friend I reconnected with through Facebook, who blogs nearly everyday, I've decided I need to get back to blogging regularly. I am not sure how many of my readers are still out there, but I hope you'll return. And since I am done with Massage Therapy School, and things are calming down with the two bands I'm in, I really have no excuse for not blogging.

Actually, one can always create excuses.

I've read through a few months worth of my friend's blog. I find myself extremely respectful of her honesty. I find that we think a like about so many things and that if we had real life interactions, as opposed to cyber-life, we'd see the connections take off. (More on real life friend interactions in the next blog.) And I find myself slightly envious that my friend blogs anonymously. That way she can blog about her relationship, sex, and her parents and not have to worry about her parents reading about her sex life. (Who cares what they think about what she writes about them!) I guess I can continue to be as honest here as I have been in the past. Though I'm pretty sure that my mom doesn't want to read about my sex life. I'm sure she's happy I have one, as for years I think she had her questions, but she doesn't need details. Neither do you, my dear reader.

So I am going to go through the drafts of old blogs that didn't get posted and get those put up as well as start on a host of new topics. I have buttloads of stuff to write about. (And buttload is less than a shitload for those who were wondering.)

It feels good to be back here.

"Why We’re Against the War"-Iraq Veterans Against The War

2008-01-23T08:24:00.000-05:00

Originally posted at From www.IVAW.org , I thought it was worthy of re-posting.

Why we’re against the war

Q: Why are veterans, active duty, and National Guard men and women opposed to the war in Iraq?

A: Here are 10 reasons we oppose this war:

1. The Iraq war is based on lies and deception. The Bush Administration planned for an attack against Iraq before September 11th, 2001. They used the false pretense of an imminent nuclear, chemical and biological weapons threat to deceive Congress into rationalizing this unnecessary conflict. They hide our casualties of war by banning the filming of our fallen’s caskets when they arrive home, and when they refuse to allow the media into Walter Reed Hospital and other Veterans Administration facilities which are overflowing with maimed and traumatized veterans. For further reading: www.motherjones.com/bush_war_timeline/index.html

2. The Iraq war violates international law. The United States assaulted and occupied Iraq without the consent of the UN Security Council. In doing so they violated the same body of laws they accused Iraq of breaching. For further reading: http://www.yale.edu/lawweb/avalon/imt/proc/imtconst.htm http://www.westpointgradsagainstthewar.org/

3. Corporate profiteering is driving the war in Iraq. From privately contracted soldiers and linguists to no-bid reconstruction contracts and multinational oil negotiations, those who benefit the most in this conflict are those who suffer the least. The United States has chosen a path that directly contradicts President Eisenhower’s farewell warning regarding the military industrial complex. As long as those in power are not held accountable, they will continue… For further reading: http://www.commondreams.org/headlines04/0714-01.htm http://www.publicintegrity.org/wow/

4. Overwhelming civilian casualties are a daily occurrence in Iraq. Despite attempts in training and technological sophistication, large-scale civilian death is both a direct and indirect result of United States aggression in Iraq. Even the most conservative estimates of Iraqi civilian deaths number over 100,000. Currently over 100 civilians die every day in Baghdad alone.For further reading: http://www.nomorevictims.org/ http://www.guardian.co.uk/Iraq/Story/0 ,2763,1338749,00.html http://select.nytimes.com/gst/abstract.html?res=F70A1EF73C5A0C758DDDA10894DE404482

5. Soldiers have the right to refuse illegal war. All in service to this country swear an oath to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, both foreign and domestic. However, they are prosecuted if they object to serve in a war they see as illegal under our Constitution. As such, our brothers and sisters are paying the price for political incompetence, forced to fight in a war instead of having been sufficiently trained to carry out the task of nation-building. For further reading: http://thankyoult.live.radicaldesigns.org/content/view/172/ http://youtube.com/watch?v=Qa6ZHYcG_EM http://youtube.com/watch?v=1dAXQeH7y9g&mode=related&search= http://girights.objector.org

6. Service members are facing serious health consequences due to our Government’s negligence. Many of our troops have already been deployed to Iraq for two, three, and even four tours of duty averaging eleven months each. Combat stress, exhaustion, and bearing witness to the horrors of war contribute to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), a serious set of symptoms that can lead to depression, illness, violent behavior, and even suicide. Additionally, depleted uranium, Lariam, insufficient body armor and infectious diseases are just a few of the health risks which accompany an immorally planned and incompetently executed war. Finally, upon a soldier’s release, the Veterans Administration is far too under-funded to fully deal with the magnitude of veterans in need. For further reading: http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ http://www.vets4vets.us/

7. The war in Iraq is tearing our families apart. The use of stop-loss on active duty troops and the unnecessarily lengthy and repeat active tours by Guard and Reserve troops place enough strain on our military families, even without being forced to sacrifice their loved ones for this ongoing political experiment in the Middle East. For further reading: http://www.military.com/NewsContent/0 ,13319,FL_loss_092704,00.html

8. The Iraq war is robbing us of funding sorely needed here at home. $5.8 billion per month is spent on a war which could have aided the victims of Hurricane Katrina, gone to impoverished schools, the construction of hospitals and health care systems, tax cut initiatives, and a host of domestic programs that have all been gutted in the wake of the war in Iraq. For further reading: http://www.costofwar.com

9. The war dehumanizes Iraqis and denies them their right to self-determination. Iraqis are subjected to humiliating and violent checkpoints, searches and home raids on a daily basis. The current Iraqi government is in place solely because of the U.S. military occupation. The Iraqi government doesn’t have the popular support of the Iraqi people, nor does it have power or authority. For many Iraqis the current government is seen as a puppet regime for the U.S. occupation. It is undemocratic and in violation of Iraq’s own right to self-governance. For further reading: http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/

10. Our military is being exhausted by repeated deployments, involuntary extensions, and activations of the Reserve and National Guard. The majority of troops in Iraq right now are there for at least their second tour. Deployments to Iraq are becoming longer and many of our service members are facing involuntary extensions and recalls to active duty. Longstanding policies to limit the duration and frequency of deployments for our part-time National Guard troops are now being overturned to allow for repeated, back-to-back tours in Iraq. These repeated, extended combat tours are taking a huge toll on our troops, their families, and their communities. For further reading: http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-military12jan12 ,0,7198945.story?coll=la-home-headlines

Q: Why do Iraq Veterans Against the War call for the immediate withdrawal from Iraq?

A: There are several reasons why immediate withdrawal is the critical first step toward solving the problems in Iraq.

1. The reasons and rationale given for the invasion were fraudulent. There were no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq during the time of the invasion according to US officials and former chief UN weapons inspector Hans Blix. The idea that Al Qeada and the 9/11 terrorist attacks were connected to Saddam Hussein and the Baath party were proven false in the 9/11 Commission Report. Members of the Bush Administration have admitted that they “misspoke” in the run up to the war.

2. The presence of the US military is not preventing sectarian violence. The US occupation of Iraq has proven to be unable to prevent sectarian violence and halt an escalation towards a civil war. Despite having an average of 140,000 troops in country since the occupation began, internal violence and attacks against civilians and Iraqi security forces have been on a steady incline.

3. The occupation is a primary motivation for the insurgency and global religious extremism. The insurgency can be broken down into many individually named factions with various goals, beliefs, and techniques. However, our membership of veterans believe that the occupation of Iraq is the primary thing encouraging the insurgency and giving it legitimacy in the eyes of many Iraqis. Likewise, other people of the Islamic faith are encouraged to resist America ’s policies internationally based on how they perceive our military operations in the Middle East.

4. We can no longer afford to fight this war of choice. The financial burden is destroying our domestic programs that could be used to protect us from natural disasters, provide medical programs, or help improve education. We are jeopardizing the US economy and putting strains on the budgets of important government agencies like the Veterans Affairs Department.

5. National security is compromised. Funds that could be used to protect our ports and transportation are being stripped away while our National Guard units are on constant deployments instead of being used to protect and defend us here at home.

6. The world is becoming more dangerous. International terrorist attacks have increased and it has become more dangerous for Americans to travel abroad. Approval for US policy has decreased and the dislike of Americans has increased.

7. Our national “moral authority” is being undermined. The US has lost credibility to much of the world as the defender of liberty and freedom and our national identity is eroding. We can no longer deploy our armed forces for peace keeping measures with the good faith of the international community. We need to regain the respect and faith of the global community. This begins by withdrawing our troops from Iraq and helping the Iraqi people rebuild their country and society.

8. The majority of American citizens, Iraqi citizens and US military would like to see an immediate end to the war in Iraq. If we are truly a democracy and we aim to create a democracy in Iraq our leaders will represent the will of the citizens and lead according to their wishes.

9. The military is broken. We are abusing the small population of armed service members with multiple deployments while using inadequate vehicles and equipment. Less than one half of a percent of the American population is serving in the active armed forces, which is the least amount in the last century. Only 25% of the troops in Iraq are there for their first tour, while 50% are there on their second tour, and the remaining 25% are there three times or more. We continue to involuntarily extend soldiers with Stop-Loss, recall them repeatedly for additional service using the Individual Ready Reserve, and send soldiers with diagnosed medical problems into combat.

Happy 2008! Resolutions.

2007-12-31T12:01:00.000-05:00

The New Year starts tomorrow. Great. It will take me three months to get used to writing 2008 on things.

I don't have any real resolutions for the new year, mainly for the reason that I know they are so hard to keep. If I did have one resolution, though, it would be:

To keep myself healthy and sane in what will be one of the most stressful years of my life.

If everything goes as planned, it will be a great year. Stressful nonetheless.

In the ranking of stressors one can endure, the top five are a death in the family or close friend, a new job, moving, getting married, or getting divorced. I'm planning on three of those next year. Since I'm not married yet, I can't get divorced. (Besides, I went through something like that a couple of years ago.) And no one plans on a death in the family. Well, maybe if your family name is Soprano. ("I think I'll wack Tony this year!")

So in 2008 I'll be moving, starting new jobs, and getting married. Add to that finishing recording, mixing and releasing an EP; finishing massage therapy school and clinic; any number of gigs, and trying to get a book published by the end of next year.

Whew!! I think my stress level will be off the charts!

If you're wondering what you can do to help me maintain my sanity in 2008, it's quite simple.

DON'T DIE!!!

Since I'm already doing three of the biggest stressors, I don't need a death in my family or circle of friends. If the angel of death comes knocking on your door in 2008, tell him that it's not conducive to Spider's schedule (and yours) and for him to come back some other year. You and I both do not need his kind of stress!

Hope all of your New Year wishes come true! See you in 2008!!!!

Thank You - An Essay

2007-12-18T09:32:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine is going through a tough time. What he is going through now reminded me of something I had written in my journal a while ago that I knew I would share here at some point. Here it is:

Thank you for pushing me away. Thank you for sparing me having to watch you self-destruct. Thank you for saving me watching you repeat the roller-coaster ride of unhealthy patterns. Thank you for sparing me hearing about you driving drunk again, and again, and having to worry about your life. Thank you for saving me the time of driving out of my way, by miles and miles, to visit you.

Thank you for sparing me the headaches caused by arguing against you stubbornly held wacked out beliefs. I used to only get those from religious fundamentalists. You, however, put them all to shame!

Thank you for saving me from having to witness you pass out, sometimes in mid-conversation, from another night of drinking.

Thank you for teaching me my boundaries, my limits of what levels of insanity I will accept in my life…including my own insanity. The definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over but expecting different results. Watching your insanity enabled me to see my own, which was continually trying to get through to you and then past your walls. I kept trying to get closer to you and failed, each time expecting different results. Thank you for saving me from insanity.

Thank you for sparing me listening to your mixed messages. “I love you! And I miss you!” along with pushing me away. Thank you for finally pushing so hard that I no longer care about sitting through that confusion. Thank you for helping me attain clarity.

Thank you for helping me realize and accept my role in the communication process. Thank you for making me see that I was an enabler; a co-dependent.

Thank you for helping me on the path to Recovery.

Finally, thank you, Alcohol, and your family, Addiction, for making your patterns so patently clear that I can no see them a mile away. And thank you for the pain you’ve caused me so I now steer clear of those patters for I long not to, and I will not, get burned by you again.

This was written about a number of people in my life and no one in particular. If you think I wrote this about you, or this resonates a little to closely, then perhaps you need to check yourself. Maybe you need to find a Meeting in your area.

Pron Spam Rant

2007-12-18T09:22:00.000-05:00

So I posted a bulletin a few days ago on Myspace. that after thinking about it, and the emails I received in response, I thought it was blog-worthy writing and I should post it here for posterity. Perhaps if you have a Myspace account, you've had similar experience. Here it is:

So I am getting at least 10 emails and friend requests a day from fake girls trying to get me to go to either their webcam, where they put dirtier pictures up than Myspace will allow, or some dating site. Both cost money.

How about this? Just SHOW ME YOUR BOOBIES FOR FREE!!!!

Seriously, here's my email, Wbslngr76@yahoo.com , send me all the naked photos of you that you want! Don't expect a dime for it though. Ok, I'll be fair, I'll send you naked pics of me. How's that?!

Stop flooding my Myspace account with emails that are just going to have to be deleted. And plus, your account gets deleted in a few days anyway because Tom finds you out. I mean, really, how many black girls with rocking booties are living in China?!!! At least lie and say your from NYC or Miami or somewhere in the US. There are no black or white women named Tara or Jennifer selling pics of their junk living in China!!!

Also, there are a number free porn sites with quality content out there. WHY, in the name of Ron Jeremy, would you think I'd pay for your site if I can get stuff for free?

Thank you for listening. Glad I got that off my chest. Now I have to go clean out my inbox.

Now the responses I got by email have been hilarious. Here they are:

" holy shit, Spi!!!!!! you're too fuckin funny!!!!!" -from my cousin.

"you know, instead of going the free porn route, try changing your spam settings. ;)" -from my best friend's wife

" priceless!!" -from my guitarist friend, whom I share a similar taste in humor.

" Yeah, but I'm moving to your area and my lesbian girlfriend thinks you look cute from your profile pic and might turn straight after meeting you" -from a college friend.

Feel free to leave your own humorous comment. Also, know I really don't need people sending me booby pics. Luckily I have a fiance who appreciates boobies, so I don't get in trouble with them so long as I share. But I really don't need anymore.

In Honor of Veterans' Day

2007-11-12T14:33:00.000-05:00

It is perhaps one of the highest callings to serve your country. It is therefore the HIGHEST responsibility of that country's citizens and leader to only commit soldiers to war in the most dire situations, completely outfit them with the equipment they need (not sqaunder that money to contractors) and to provide them with health and mental care when they return home broken in body and in mind.

This week President Bush will Veto a bill allocating 3 Billion dollars for Veterans Care. This is UNTENABLE!! He has no problem asking for countless billions to fund this war; money that's outside the budget and goes to contractors mostly, but he doesn't fund Veterans' Care?!!!!

We should all press our leaders to make Veterans' Care a MANDATORY appropriation to any act of war. Also, any soldier who serves in a warzone should get free medical care FOR LIFE regardless of their income level afterwards.

Dick Cheney laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier yesterday in observance of Veterans Day. He then made some stock speech about the sacrfice of our soldiers. I bet he conveniently left out how he got 5 defferments so he wouldn't have to serve in Vietnam. Fucking hypocrite! He shouldn't even have been allowed near the hallowed ground of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

Then our "Commander in Chief" George Bush made a speech in Texas yesterday, where he confused Veterans' Day with Memorial Day. Good one there speech writers!!! Of course, his speech makes no mention that he was A.W.O.L. during his time that he served in the National Guard during the Vietnam War and that NO ONE has been able to verify that he was there for duty. Another fucking hypocrite!

War is a Racket that really only benefits business and industry. Major General Smedly Butler, who served in WWI, figured this out way back in 1935. (I highly urge you to read that very short book in that link. Much of what Butler write applies today with the Iraq War. Just change the names of the businesses to Halliburton, Kellogg Brown & Root, and Blackwater.) War Profitteering needs to be made illegal!!

The song below by Jeffrey Gaines really sums up war and the prayer that every family member of a soldier says. I know I did every day that my sister was in Iraq or when she was stationed in Bosnia. Some day, we'll learn of war's futility!

In closing, know that I fully support our troops. I support them so much, that I think that they should only be committed to endeavors that are not only ethically correct, but legally correct, and as a last resort. Their lives are the most precious resource we have as a nation! Also, as I stated above, if you go to war you need to outfit your soldiers properly and not funnel all the money to independent contractors (aka mercenaries). And, you must be prepared to take care of them when they come home. Veterans' Care, when funded properly and with enough staffing, is a model of single-payer health care. Situations like what happened at Walter Reed Hospital happened when our elected leaders, or any party, neglect and forget about our soldiers. We need to demand BETTER for our veterans and current soldiers from our elected leaders!

And here is a special personal thanks to the specific veterans who have made a difference in my life:

Kelly O'Gara
Larry Altenburg, Sr.
James Owle, Sr.
Dr. Alan Sasser
Ron Elmore

I am sure there are more, but those are the ones that come to my mind right now.

Tough Love

2007-09-08T08:42:00.000-04:00

The following was my horoscope last week from FreewillAstrology by Rob Brezsny. (Long time readers will know that I have written about him before.)

Horoscopes for week of August 30, 2007

ARIES (March 21 - April 19)

"Here's how you can tell if you have a bad psychotherapist or counselor," says my friend Laura. "She or he buys into all your BS, never questions your delusions, and builds your self-esteem even if that makes you into an a**hole." I agree with Laura's assessment, which is why I'm going to spend our short time together today calling you on your BS, prodding you to get introspective about your delusions, and not pumping up the parts of your ego that really should be melted down. Next week maybe we'll get back to gazing adoringly into each other's eyes, but right now you'll benefit from some tough love."

It takes someone really strong to call an Aries on their bullshit. It usually takes another Aries. (Ahem, my Aries friends, you know which of you I am talking to.) There are few people in my life who regularly call me on my bullshit. Four of them share my last name, one person soon will, and three people are family that I chose. ( "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of the same family grow up under one roof. - Richard Bach)

But the timing of this horoscope is perfect as I need a swift kick in the ass to get me going. There is a lot of work to be done if I am going to get my dreams and goals off the ground. And the what got me to where I am today will not get me to where I want to go. To quote Emeril, I got to "take it up a notch." I am going to need to really do that over the next few months.

To give you a peek on what I am working on, you can click here. We're going to have a site relaunch in November. Remember a few posts back where I said I was going to massage therapy school? This is the goal. A fully dedicated post to that site will come in the next few days.

Living as Part of The Machine

2007-08-24T10:15:00.000-04:00

Originally written sometime late February, early March in a Chinese owned Mexican Take Out Restaurant. (Don't understand that combination, don't worry. It's a NYC thing.)

Living as part of the Machine.

As much as I'd like to think I am separate from the world, it is impossible to not be a cog in the engine that drives life forward. "To be or not to be?" really isn't a question to ask. YOU can never not be. One is, then one was. Even the second part of that statement is an illusion.

There is only Now.

"I AM" is a true statement at any moment of the Now.

I walk down 30th Ave, in Astoria. An ethnic melange walks past me. A sector of my soul screams, "I don't belong here!" But the truth is that I do belong here. I belong HERE. I am a cog in the machine. I can not not be HERE. I can not not participate.

To believe otherwise is to invite willingly insanity.

I've been learning lately to love what is. From the lessons learned, I've been coming to a place of serenity and acceptance.

In calmness, I walk down the street.
In peace, I walk through this world.
In peace, I realize that I will always have a place in this world. I can never not have a place.

What it is then becomes my choice. It is not some fate chosen by a distant deity or a roll of the cosmic dice. While there are some aspects of me I can not change, to what course I steer the ship of my soul's destiny has always been in my power to decide.

This power, this aspect of life is true and available to all. It is true for you as well. What is the Truth is true for all. If not, then it's not the Truth. There are many things out there claiming to be true, but fail this test. This doesn't.

PostSecret Video

2007-08-16T14:03:00.001-04:00

Here is a video clip from one of my favorite sites, PostSecret. It is really worth taking 5 minutes of your day to watch and listen to this video.

I Could Have Told You That!!

2007-08-01T09:18:00.000-04:00

Today's post comes from the batch of stories titled, "Did they really need to spend money on that?!!" Usually, I make a comment like that after watching a ridiculous preview for some stupid movie (like Bratz, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, Hot Rod, Bride of Chucky, Seed of Chucky, and the list goes on). Often I comment out loud for the entire theater to hear, "Great! With the millions spent on that movie we could have had a cure for cancer by now!!!" much to the embarrassment of my friends.

Anyway, this post isn't about Hollywood current vacuum of good, original ideas. (cough, cough, Rush Hour 3, cough, cough) . It concerns this article Here:

Why People Have Sex: It Feels Good

By SETH BORENSTEIN, AP Science Writer

WASHINGTON - After exhaustively compiling a list of the 237 reasons why people have sex, researchers found that young men and women get intimate for mostly the same motivations. It's more about lust in the body than a love connection in the heart.

College-aged men and women agree on their top reasons for having sex — they were attracted to the person, they wanted to experience physical pleasure and "it feels good," according to a peer-reviewed study in the August edition of Archives of Sexual Behavior. Twenty of the top 25 reasons given for having sex were the same for men and women.

Expressing love and showing affection were in the top 10 for both men and women, but they did take a back seat to the clear No. 1: "I was attracted to the person."

Researchers at the University of Texas spent five years and their own money to study the overlooked why behind sex while others were spending their time on the how.

The article continues. You can read the rest by clicking on the link.

Ok. They spent FIVE YEARS on this study. And they used THEIR OWN MONEY to fund it. I could have told you in FIVE MINUTES and it would only cost them 25 CENTS for the phone call.

Why do people have sex?! What's the #1 reason?! "It feels good. I was attracted to the person." WELL, DUH!!!!!!

There isn't an "overlooked why" when people have sex!! Everyone of us has asked ourselves, "Why am I having sex with this person?" Even if our answer is as basal as, "I was drunk." or "We were drunk." or "Hey, it was a mercy-f*@$." it still FEELS GOOD. DUH!!!

And then if we goto the other end of the spectrum, and we explore the love aspect and all the similar whys like "I was seeking a spiritual connection with my partner." or "His/her pleasure is essential to my own." or "I love my soulmate and desired communion." Guess what? IT STILL FEELS GOOD!! For all the lofty, noble thoughts we may have about it, we have sex because it feels good. Plain and simple. It's one of the best endorphin & serotonin releases designed by nature.

Whether you believe in a Creationist view of life or Evolutionary, sex was made to feel good so we'd reproduce. We'd keep going back to having sex for a better chance at making more of us. Hell, look at the Praying Mantis. Sex feels SOOOOO damn good to the male praying mantis, that he is willing to die during it with the female biting his head off during sex and eating him. (Hopefully after he's had his orgasm.) Yeah, if I was a male praying mantis I'd be joining the priesthood quicker than Dubya can complete a sentence. "What?!!! You mean, I only get to have sex one time. And when I do, she's going to bite my head off and eat me?!! Screw that! I'm going to be celibate! Maybe with six legs I can figure out how to masturbate."

Thankfully for humans, and myself in particular because I'm quite fond of my head, sex doesn't involve decapitation.

"It's refuted a lot of gender stereotypes ... that men only want sex for the physical pleasure and women want love," said University of Texas clinical psychology professor Cindy Meston, the study's co-author. "That's not what I came up with in my findings."

Forget thinking that men are from Mars and women from Venus, "the more we look, the more we find similarity," said Dr. Irwin Goldstein, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego. Goldstein, who wasn't part of Meston's study, said the Texas research made a lot of sense and adds to growing evidence that the vaunted differences in the genders may only be among people with sexual problems.

Again, DUH!!! Sex feels good for both men and women?! That's because both men and women have a vested interested in feeling good. I mean, I'm sure that if sex didn't feel good some of us would find some higher calling or greater good to have it thus ensuring the species' survival. (Said in my deepest man voice.) "Sorry guys, I can't go bowling tonight. I have to fulfill my civic duty tonight and have sex with my wife. Yes, I know it's a hardship. But I do it willingly for the good of our people!"

(Come to think of it, the ancient Jews had whole sections of rules and laws about how often a man needed to perform his husbandly duty depending on what kind of job he had. My fiancee's Jewish. I think I need to go reread those laws!)

So before I continue blambling any further, I'll close with what I'd say in a movie theater had this article been a movie preview. "You know, with the money they spent on this, we could have had a cure for cancer by now!!"

6 Month Review, Summary of Changes, Hints of Things to Come

2007-07-29T08:55:00.000-04:00

Morning. Yes, it is morning right now, but I am saying that more as a greeting. Coffee hasn't kicked in so I couldn't say "Good Morning!" just yet. It is a bright July day and the sun is shining over Manhattan as the morning haze gets burned off. That's right, I said Manhattan. I can see the City from my desk as I type as the apartment I moved into has an unobstructed view. As a matter of fact, the I can see the Empire State Building from my chair right now.

Where am I? Well, I moved in with my fiancée during the first two weeks of July. I’ll never do that again. What, move in with my fiancée? No, make a move over two weeks. Next time, getting it all done in one shot! I now live basically in Hoboken, NJ, birthplace of baseball and Frank Sinatra. Great! Now I have such huge things to live up to while living here! Like I need that kind of pressure in my life.

Oh yeah, the whole fiancée thing. I really didn’t blog about it did I? That’s pretty big news! It happened on Saturday, June 23rd. Well, my fiancée did a whole better job of writing about it than I could over at her blog, in(de)finitely. You can read about it there and see the video and pictures. (Actually, I am really just too lazy to write out my own version of the day. ;-) )

So it’s a big life change. At the same time, it feels the right thing to do. . .even while simultaneously feeling fear and uncertainty. I wish I could lie and say I don’t have the same stereotypical male commitment issues and fears as the rest of my species. A friend of mine on his MySpace blog wrote about how his new relationship is making him rethink the rigid “rules” and structures he has put in his life as survival mechanisms. This new person is challenging them all. And he is faced with the decision of keeping those rules and losing her, or letting go, changing those rules around (or losing them altogether) to have her stay in his life. And I am talking about changes here in a positive sense. This isn’t situation where she’s the nagging girlfriend that makes a guy change so much that all his guy-friends end up resenting her. (*cough* Yoko Ono *cough* ) Change like the kind my friend is writing about is called “growing up.” And that’s good thing.

Is Spider growing up, then? Yes and no. I’d like to think of it as getting better. And also as darn good sense. How many of us have been Desperados in our lives? Out riding the fences of life thinking that things we do are pleasing us, but when really they’re hurting us. Perhaps, many good things have been laid upon our table, but we’ve pushed them away. Our rules and beliefs we’ve set up on how our lives are supposed be often end up limiting us and prevent us from experiencing the joy that Life wants to give us. “This is just the way my life is!” we’d say vehemently in defense of those beliefs rather than change them. The heart of the matter, besides forgiveness, is that is not the way our lives have to be. It’s just the way we choose them to be; it’s the story we tell ourselves. When we change the story we choose to follow, everything changes. It's that simple. (P.S. That book the link goes to will change your life! I highly recommend it.)

But it gets lonely out there doesn’t it? Don Henley was a great observer when he wrote,

“Dont your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky wont snow and the sun wont shine
Its hard to tell the night time from the day
Youre loosin all your highs and lows
Aint it funny how the feeling goes away?"

But staying out there in the cold is our own damn fault, isn't it? Whatever ego defense mechanism you use, you end up pushing away the love the Universe is trying to get you. After awhile, you get tired of that. Well, most people do. And you seek to follow Don's advice,

"Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but theres a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before its too late"

Letting that somebody love you (and love you in the healthy way, not is the co-dependent Romeo & Juliet way and vice versa) isn't "settling down." I never settle. If anything, I settle up. My fiancee loves me more than I can imagine. And I can imagine pretty big. I guess that's why proposed to her. (Ok, it's not a guess.) I know my married friends know what I am talking about here.

Anyway, I digress as I have strayed far pff on some tangent. And since I can't think of how to bring it back, I'll just abruptly change topics. So I am taking a new direction in life. Along with the move to NJ, I have started a new career path and enrolled in the Institute for Therapeutic Massage. This is decision is more than to become just a full time massage therapist. But that will have to wait till a future blog post.

Hope all is well you, my friend. I'll write more soon. I promise.

Harry Potter Book 7 Predictions

2007-07-19T19:18:00.000-04:00

So like many geeks I am anxiously awaiting the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the final book of the series. I have mine on order from Barnes & Nobles and I expect it in Saturday’s mail. I will of course start reading it once I get my hands on it and all other things will be of second importance. I’ve already told me fiancée not to expect many words out of me Saturday night.

What sucks will all this is that I have my first weekend of classes at the Institute For Therapeutic Massage. I am extremely excited to start this program, which I will talk more about in tomorrow mornings blog post. However, having classes from 9am to 6pm on both Saturday and Sunday is seriously cutting into my reading time!!

Anyway, I wanted to on record and give my predictions of who dies and who survives before the book comes out.

Deaths I Am Betting On Happening:

Voldemort – The big bad guy. Of course, he’s going to bite it in this book. You can’t have a hero story with out the head villain being vanquished in the end. How this will happen? I am not so sure. Because if Harry does kill him by magic or by hand, it lowers Harry to Voldemort’s level. I think JK Rowling has a creative plan up her sleeve for Voldemort’s death.

Hagrid - I just keep seeing as a fighter who would do anything for Dumbledore and Harry. He will has such a big heart (and big everything else being half-giant and all) that he would sacrifice himself without a thought to save Harry, Hermione or Ron’s lives. And that brings us to . . . .

Ron Weasley - I really think he will die in Book 7. Some hacker a little while back posted spoilers and said that Hermione dies, but I think that JK Rowling gave us foreshadowing of Ron’s death all the way back in book 1, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. During the game of Wizard’s Chess, in which Ron, Hermione and Harry played at pieces on the board, Ron knowingly sacrificed himself so that Harry couldn’t continue on to challege the movie’s big bad guy, Quirrell/Voldemort. Ron is an expert at chess and will make this real life sacrifice knowingly so that Harry can have his showdown with Voldemort.

Bellatrix Lestrange - Killed by either Neville Longbottom or Luna Lovegood.

Beyond those three, everyone else is game! While I don’t think this will be a bloodbath like River Tam taking on the Reavers in Serenity, because this is marketed to kids as well, I do think the death toll will be rather high. Another member of the Weasley family will probably die as well. I’d hope it’s not both the father and the mother.

Definite Survivals:

Harry – of course

Lupin and Tonks

Hermione

Draco Malfoy – as much as I hope that Draco Malfoy gets his due, I don’t think he deserves death. I just hope that Harry or Ron beats the shit out of him. No wands, just fists.

You’ll notice one person who was pivotal in Book 6’s plot, Professor Severus Snape, the double agent. I have this feeling that he’s going to die, but I want him to live. Both sides will probably want him dead by the end of Book 7, but I think that death is too good a fate for this character. He deserves a long, pitiful life so he can reflect on his actions.

Ok, those are my official predictions. I’ll recap on Monday to see how I did.

My Shortest Blog Post Ever!!

2007-06-23T23:14:00.000-04:00

She said, "Yes!"

Details to come soon!

Democratic Factivism

2007-06-05T11:03:00.000-04:00

This is a copy and paste of a blog post that Randi Rhodes posted on the blog at Air America. It really is worth the read. I have a couple of posts coming this week that really will highlight how far down the spiral our country has gotten. We need to wake up, Americans!!

Democratic Factivism
By Randi Rhodes on June 1, 2007 - 7:33am

There is more than a conservative grip on the media. Conservatives have their hands tightly around media's neck and are trying to choke the life out it. Freedom of the press is gasping for air and you're a witness to the crime.

I've spent 15 years in talk radio and I promise you I’ve never seen an assault on the media like I see today. The news has been canceled and replaced with the conservative daily dose of fear. And do you know why? Because the dirty little secret is Conservatives fear you. Not just you Democrats either. Our government fears all of you American people. That's why they lie and spy. They know that if we were unified around the facts as we find them we would change this entire government without a single shot ever fired simply by educating ourselves. So if they know it, shouldn't you?

Remember how public opinion changed after Katrina? If you believe in God, that was surely a message to wake up and demand better from Caesar. And if you don't believe in God that was surely a signal from this warming planet to wake up and demand better from Caesar.

Republicans can't afford another wake up call to get through to you. And truth tellers are more than a wake up call. Truth tellers, fact finders are a Category 5 Hurricane of information raising the roof on a corrupt government currently engaged in the single biggest heist in the history of the world.

So they do what they know works. They deep drill THE FEAR.

Fear mongering is so excessive in this country that how many of you can deny that you at least once thought or said, "Better to fight them there. Let's eat!"

When did war become routine?

Some of you are saying after 9/11 that's when. Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11. Look!

Daily terror alerts (YELLOW – ELEVATED) scrolling along the bottom of Fox News while Laurie Due and her lip gloss form the words "a terror plot was foiled today."

But no prosecutions.

Al Qaeda's number three being captured again and again and again (catch and release? No…just bullcrap), small pox warnings, anthrax being sent in the mail (anyone been arrested for that yet?) fake anthrax mailings, poison pens, model airplanes that can spray you with deadly gases, exploding ferries, shopping malls as targets, chickens that are coming to either peck your eyes out or give you a deadly flu and now a walking talking bio weapon with deadly Tuberculosis turns out to be the son-in-law of a CDC microbiologist who traveled all over the world undetected!

I really used to think they scared us because Conservatives do have a deep dark penetrating fear, that somewhere, somehow, somebody in America is actually happy. But that's not the entire reason. Conservatives are afraid, of you. They don't like you but more importantly they don't trust you. They don't trust you with information or ballots.

And so terror and fear are preached without fact, artists are banned from speaking through music, television reporters have their stories killed by advertisers who make money in war, newspaper reporters are threatened with losing access to the people they must cover to make a living, but Right Wing Talk Show Hosts are praised by the President and Vice President. Some days I think Cheney will give Rush permission to invade Costa Rica. O'Reilly may be just too stupid to ask.

I try to reach people who listen to AM Radio, but I can’t make myself call liberals stupid or women Nazis. I did throw away my birth control pills and dump sewage near a school once to gain credibility…but people still listen and believe the liars and so I still have to remind people to believe nothing they hear on Talk Radio, including me!

In order to be able to speak about issues of great importance to our country, which I research and document daily, without warning people not to believe a word I say, I’d have to steal two elections, stage a coup in Venezuela while being videotaped, attend a photo op in a second grade classroom while four commercial passenger planes are making U-Turns over the Eastern Seaboard crashing into skyscrapers over a major US city, as well as breaching the most secure airspace in the country (no not Disneyland…The Pentagon I mean), let the Bin Laden's leave the country without a single question being put to them, tell every American I am so devoted to hunting Osama Bin Laden down to bring him to justice then change my mind and admit that "I don't spend much time on him", sell an invasion of an unarmed nation that never provoked us nor posed any threat to us by claiming it was Saddam Hussein that did it, bug the United Nations Security Council offices, get Colin Powell to lie to the world on International Television, slaughter 650,000 innocent people, issue an order to never photograph a flag draped coffin, cook the casualty numbers, deny that we are now building a US Embassy the size of the Vatican, under equip, under fund and underman the war effort while insisting every day for four years that THIS IS THE WAR FOR CIVILIZATION ITSELF and then begin to repeat "the problem is not Iraq, folks, the problem is Iran" over and over again.

Somewhere I'd also have to find time to smear anyone who comes close to the truth, out covert CIA agents who may be able to refute my claims of a forthcoming nucular (yes that's how you have to spell it now) holocaust, set up a Warrantless Wiretapping Program to spy on Gay Rights Activists and Quakers, rename it the Terrorism Surveillance Program, intimidate whistleblowers, and place my cronies in every single government agency from the Food and Drug Administration to the Federal Emergency Management Agency, to the State Department, appoint corporate judges and religious zealots to oversee Women's Health, The US Military and the Attorney Generals office.

But I don't have that kind of time I have to do the news because there's like two people doing it, and one of them is on Comedy Central!

The endless barrage of lies and the word “unknowable” over and over and over…has made people indifferent. Indifference is a strange and unnatural state in which the lines blur between good and evil, cruelty and compassion, opinion and fact.

Strong words are needed now. Call these Right Wing Fear mongers what they are. Bush's Elite Republican Guard or Fascists. Go ahead. You'd be telling the truth.

Practice Democratic Factivism.

You can listen to me with the warning not to believe a word I say or you can listen to what I say and check it out for yourself by reading. Reading is for cool people!

A listener suggested we read a book together. I like this idea. Let's read Al Gore's book The Assault on Reason together. If we all do it (including people who think I'm wrong) none of us will have to burn it when we're finished.

What do you say?

Final Report on the 60 Day Sleep Challenege

2007-06-04T15:06:00.000-04:00

Hi,

Today is June 3rd, a few days after my 60 day sleep challenge ended; May 30th. You'll remember the goal as to get myself into a better sleep routine. Also, I gave myself the following conditions.

1. No alcohol
2. No caffeine
3. No chocolate
4. Avoid dessert and processed sugars

I gave a progress report on May 6th, to keep you posted on how I was doing. Here are the final results.

-I’ve lost 5 pounds. I am now at 170. I don’t have any pictures to so you as I’m still working on getting back in shape. I’ll have a before and after photo for you soon as I am still working out and working towards my goals.

-I did cheat a few days with the alcohol and chocolate. Just a stray Hershey kiss here and there and one small piece of 80% dark chocolate. (Hey, it has a lot of antioxidants!) And the alcohol was in social situations were it would have been rude not to share a drink. That said, never did I get drunk and I didn’t go over two drinks per occasion. Overall, it was a HUGE reduction in my alcohol and chocolate intake. Though I must be honest, for the past few years chocolate intake has been far greater than alcohol. (Damn sweet tooth!) I do feel better because of it.

-For the first few weeks, I got rid of caffeine completely. Did my body good. (Wait, sorry, it’s milk that does that.) I slowly reintroduced caffeine with green tea because of the benefits of antioxidants it contains. I’m now drink “half-caff” coffee in the morning. So my usually two cups now only has the caffeine of one cup. I’ll have a cup or two of green tea at the office, but I don’t drink any caffeine after 3pm. So far, I’m feeling good.

-Overall, I am sleeping better. I am still waking up during the night most days, however the number of wake-ups have drastically lessened. I also have realized that many of my wake-ups are caused by external stimuli. And that by eliminating those stimuli, I sleep better.

For instance, the way my apartment is set up, I hear a lot of the noise generated by my roommate when she comes home late at night. Since she is on a different schedule rarely does she go to bed at the same time as I do. We’re working on a remedy to that here in the apartment, however, there is another solution coming very soon.

I’m moving out. Now before you lose yourself singing that Billy Joel song, (because I sure as hell ain’t dancing no Twila Tharp routine) let me explain why. I’ve decided to change careers, well at least day-job paths. I’ve been accepted to a massage therapy school in New Jersey. My classes start July 20th and will run through until April. I know moving to a quieter environment, as well, as starting on a path that my soul tells me is the right path, will improve my sleep tremendously. (As well as exhausting myself as I continue to work out.)

Well, that’s it for now. The details of my move, and my new path, will come in future blog posts. Thanks to every one for there continued support!

FINALLY! A Republican I Can Respect & Actually LIke!!

2007-05-23T11:43:00.000-04:00

Watch this video! Ron Paul, Republican from Texas, speaks truth to power. He called out Rudy Guiliani during the Republican Primary debates and is the closest thing they have to a "true" Republican on the ballot list. Of course, he gets trashed by Faux News and the other talking heads, or not given the same amount of air time. That's a same, because if he did actually get the Republican nomination, I might actually vote for him.

This guy is how Republicans USED to be!!! Ron Paul sounds like my Dad. . .in other words, actually makes sense, understands all the complex issues, is not beholden to the Christo-facists who have hijacked the Republican party, and had policy ideas that would actually work and benefit all and not just the extreme rich. It was so refreshing to listen to this!

Ron Paul Speech in Congress 5/22/07

Sleep Progress Notes

2007-05-06T23:53:00.000-04:00

It's been 36 days since I started on my 60 day quest for sleep. (Started here.) Just a reminder of what I was committing to during these 60 days.

1. No alcohol
2. No caffiene
3. No chocolate
4. Avoid dessert and processed sugars

I figured that it was time for a litte update.

1. Unfortunately, I got disqualified from the sleep trial. After the first night of sleep's results came in, apparently I didn't match what the drug company's was looking seeking. They had strict requirements and I guess I slept to well that night or something. Even though disqualified, I decided to stay with my decision to change for the 60 days.

2. I did break once and had alcohol, chocolate and a bit of caffiene. My girlfriend and I had travelled to Ohio to be with her family for Passover. To anyone that knows Passover tradition, you can't get through the dinner without drinking four glasses od wine. In her family, the two big holidays are Passover and Thanksgiving. Trying to get through either following a diet ain't going to happen. I knew that it was going to happen, discussed it with my girlfriend and decided to add another day to the 60 to make up for it.

3. I shaved my head with the clippers on April 1st, as you all saw. 4 days later, I shaved it to the skin with a razor blade. The last time was on Sunday, April 8th. I've since been letting it grow back. I have a few observations of the experience.

- I was worried, like most men with thinning hair, of what I'd look like without my hair. Would I still think I looked good? When my head was smooth and I looked in the mirror, I saw that I still had the same eyes. My smile was still there. I was still me. And since I have liked and loved me for a long time, having no hair made no difference. Now I realize that this is an infinitely harder place to come to if you are a young woman; as our society places so much importance on beauty and having you hair done right is a key part. But getting to that place is something.

Of course, now my hair has been growing back. And I do NOT like seeing that my hair is really thinning. When it was a little longer, I was able to cover that a bit. Yeah, I'll be shaving it bald again real soon!

4. After the first three weeks, I didn't lose ANY weight. So I've started The Abs Diet with my girlfriend. It's a six program, to start. After the first week, I've lost 2lbs. Woo-hoo!! The ultimate goal is not to lose that much weight, but to lower my body weight percentage and work towards overall health.

5. Now the sleep. I guess that's the most important part. Last week I have four consecutive nights where I slept from 11am to 6am. I haven't had that in like forever!! I've been trying to keep consistent with taking melatonin to help and it has. I just probably need to work a little harder in making my sleep environment more conducive to better sleep. Also, I know as I integrate a full workout routine to my diet, starting this week, I'll probably sleep even better.

So now as I finish this update, I'll leave you. . .to go to bed. To sleep, perchange to dream. . .

Extreme Makover Home Edition - It's Ok For a Man To Cry

2007-04-22T20:02:00.000-04:00

So friends, I have a confession to make. I'm going to let you in on a weakness of mine. I watch Extreme Makeover-Home Edition on Sunday nights with my girlfriend.

Ok, that's not the big thing. Here it is: I cry every episode!

Now men, before you rush to make a judgement, hear me out! Now I know that men are allowed to cry for only a few situations, as listed here:

1. Your mom, wife, or child dies.

2. You injure yourself to the point that it needs amputation. Anything less is a flesh wound and you're not allowed to cry.

3. Your dog dies. (Go watch the movie "Old Yeller.")

Beyond that men aren't really allowed to cry. Not even when your team loses the world series for the umpteeth time. (Sorry, any man in Buffalo who cried when they lost the Super Bowl like five years in a row broke the Man Rules.) Ok, but now let's take a look at tonight's story.

1. The father is a Iraq War Veteran. (That's going get me because my sister is an Iraq War Veteran. There's still a chance she can be sent back.)

2. He is now in a wheel chair because of his war wounds.

3. The family had a car accident and he was further injuried. But worse, their daughter lost a kidney and their son, who slipped out of his seatbelt, and is now in a wheelchair as well.

Ok, men, this man is a veteran. He's a hero just for that. He's still trying to be a great dad. He's even more of a hero than that. Just watching so far, we see the wife is an incredible strong woman. She's a hero as well. These are the type of Americans you'd be proud to know. Their story is as sad as when Old Yeller died!!! ( One of the few times men are allowed to cry.) And then they build him this incredible wheelchair accessible house. They give him a wheelchair where in can stand up. At the end, when he goes outside and all the army soldiers that help build the house are there and he is able to salute them standing up. . .Man, it gets you right there!! There has to be an allowance in the Man Rules to cry for this.

If you don't cry from watching this, you have no soul!

And it isn't just this episode. One episode they had a cop who was injuried on the job and came home paralyzed. Can you stab me in the heart any stronger. My best friend is a police officer and I think of that happening to him. Then another show they gave a struggling family with four kids who played violin a music room and brand new violins for the kids. Could they pick another topic to give a musician like me tears? And then last weeks? It was a family where the father came down with cancer and died six months later and they did the house as a tribute to him. My uncle died suddenly from cancer in 1996. I cried pretty much the entire show.

Good thing my girlfriend has plenty of kleenex readily available.

It's things like this that give me hope in America. Seeing people in a community come together and help a family just stirs the soul with hope and good feelings.

Ok, I'm going to get on my soapbox for a second. Veterans' Affairs is a little pet issue for me. I think our war veterans should get the best healthcare available. . .for life! That whole fiasco at Walter Reed Hospital and the rest of the Veterans Hospital is absolutely unacceptable!! We need to fund VA care. Here are two links to two organizations that you can goto to learn how to give our veterans your support. The first link is to a organization that was featured on tonight's episode of Extreme Makeover Home-Edition. The second is where you can learn to how to help all the men and women coming home from today's conflicts.

Veteran Care is neither a Republican or Democrat issue. It's neither towards the left or the right. It's an American Issue. And it needs to be an American Obligation!

Adopt-A-Soldier-Now

Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans Association

Fahrvergnügen

2007-04-11T22:09:00.000-04:00

Remember that supid ad campaign from Volkswagon over a decade ago? (You know you're getting old when you can use the phrase, "remember a decade ago?" in conversation.) You know, the Fahrvergnügen campaign. It spawned countless bumper stickers like "Fukengruven" and "Farfrumpuken."

Fahrvergnügen means basically "driving pleasure" or "the joy of driving." I've rediscovered that feeling these past few weeks. You've read about the tribulations I went through with my old car Piglet. While Piglet, a Chevy Metro, was a great car (as I've written here), Piglet had been struggling for awhile, and had and accident back in December. (Which y'all remember. ) It was time to get a new car. The pressure started mounting as I knew I needed to get Piglet off the street before April 1st when the inspection expired.

This is where is helps to have a cousin in da biznezz. My cousin Anthony is the finance manager at one of the most popular Scion Dealerships in the country, Crysal Scion of Green Brook, NJ. A couple of phone calls, a couple of visits, and I drive away with a brand new Scion xA.

(Click on any picture to enlarge.)

I can't tell you how much this car ROCKS! It's as if someone built a car exactly for my needs and wants. The only change to it that I'll make is to tint the rear windows to hide my gear when I goto gigs.

While very thankful for Piglet's service, and the fact that he was the perfect car for city driving, I missed a lot of the Fahrvergnügen. I missed power steering, power windows, power locks. Piglet's AC died about 2 years ago and I wasn't in a place then to fix it so I did without. It is a joy to have those little things back in my driving experience.

Returning to the "you know your getting old" comment in the first paragraph. you knw you're getting old when you get excited that your car comes with side-curtain airbags. And it not for the reason of getting a discount on your car insurance, but because you know that you often carry precious cargo and you want the person riding shotgun to be as safe as she can be.

See you on the road!

First You Shave Your Head

2007-04-04T16:23:00.000-04:00

Saturday, (March 31st), was my 31st birthday. Thank you for wishing me well and all the things that come with turning another year older. 30 was a big step. 3 decades, no longer in my 20’s, have to grow up, and so on! 31 seemed . . .well, “eh!” Don’t get me wrong, I am not unhappy with 31. I actually really like this number. (Go figure, being born on the 31st .)

Perhaps it’s because I don’t sleep. I’m an insomniac whose problem consists of waking multiple times through the night. This has gone on for years. I can count on both hands the number of times I have slept through the night without the aid of sleep drugs or alcohol during the past two years. The problem has finally reach a point where I really need to do something about it. My energy is at an all time low, as is my productive at work. My concentration abilities are sharply decreased. It’s as if I have ADD (attention deficit disorder). Also, I know that it has affected my mood and personality. Jim can be a bit bitchy when he’s tired and stressed. I mean, just look at this headshot! I have such dark circles under my eyes, I look like a zombie!

(Click on any picture to enlarge.)

So I am taking part of a sleep study for the next 60 days. Twice a week for the next 6 weeks I will stay over at a sleep clinic. I will be taking medication, have my sleep monitored and recorded, and have to keep a sleep diary. Also, I have been asked to refrain from alcohol and to minimize my caffeine intake. I have taken this a step further.

Because I really want this sleep problem done with, I am going to abstain from alcohol and caffeine totally for the next 60 days. And since chocolate contains caffeine, I am abstaining from that as well. While on this path, I figured that I might as well eliminate all desserts as I have an indominable sweet tooth. So I am abstaining from processed sugars and such. The only desserts I will allow myself are those that are just fruit. It's really time for me to make a change for better health. Not that I am in bad health, but I can be in a lot better health.

Here is a picture of me taking this past Sunday, April 1st. At my physical March 28th, I weighed in at 174.5lbs. Not bad, but not the weight or body fate percentage I'd like.Also, looking at this picture, I'd be a little embarrassed to walk out on a beach. Hell, I am embarrassed to post them here!!

I post these pictures as an impetus to inspire me to work out and get in shape. Making the commitment that I have made to myself that I have to work out 4-7 days a week public will just add to the drive to make that happen. I'll post weekly or bi-weekly pictures up so you can see the progress. And I will give updates on weight and body fat percentages.

Also, in the spirit of starting new beginnings, I have shaved my head.

The thought of this comes from two places. First, I know my hair is thinning and I wanted to see what it would look like bald. And two, on a more philosophical note, I am inspired by the title of this book, First You Shave Your Head. It's author went to study with Korean Buddhist monks and went on a pilgrimage. The first thing they told was, and I'm paraphrasing, "Ok, you want to study with us. First you shave your head." Now the author had long curly locks of red hair. That was a huge step for her. Now, I know what I will go through the next 60 days, (the detoxing, the working out and the focus on getting healthy) will not compare to the hardships that she went through on her pilgrimage. But I know changes will happen and I know that I will be "digging in the dirt." I already have some deep blog posts written that I will publish on the way.

So here is a picture of my new short (bald) look. Actually, I will probably take the straight razor to it this weekend to get the squeaky look. I'll post that picture next week. It will probably look better as the weeks go on and my van dyke (not goatee) grows in thicker. (And hopefully those dark circles will fade.)

Wish me luck as my first overnight stay is tonight! Talk with you soon. And thanks for following my journey through life.

"Payback! This Time It's For Real!!"

2007-03-28T15:34:00.000-04:00

It took 3 months and 6 days, but I finally got a result from the car accident I had on December 22nd. (Check out the two blogs I wrote about it. Part 1 & Part 2) While I was in North Carolina over the St. Patty's Day weekend, my insurance company called me to see if I had settled things with Liberty Mutual, the insurance company of the guy who hit me.

At that point I hadn't heard a final assesment from Liberty Mutual. Geico calls me back on Monday (3/18) saying that Liberty Mutual had accept the majority of the liability, but that hadn't figured out the final settlement. Cool, that meant I was going to get more than %50 of the estimated cost to fix my car. Fast forward to yesterday, (Tuesday), and I finally speak with Liberty Mutual's claim rep. She was waiting to hear from another department and would call me today (Wednesday).

I'm at the Doctor's office when I get the call. The final assesment was that they accepted 90% of the liability!!! And, they would get a check into the mail to me by that afternoon.

Hell yeah!!!

Both the claim representative from Geico and from Liberty Mutual said the photos I had taken and the blog posts I had researched and written really helped in understanding the accident and coming to a final decision. So on that note, I'd like to give thanks to my girlfriend for taking all those photos and for being a pillar of support that night, my mom and my Aunt Terry for teaching me persistance when dealing with companies and that it pays to do your research, My Dad for letting me read through is police law books when I was really younger (it finally came in handy!), and to Dr. Stuart Davidson of Greensboro College Math Department for teaching me about the breaking point of plastics and metals and all the hard math behind it.

More blog posts to come very soon!

Here's the commercial from which the title of the comes.

Going to Puerto Rico!!!

2007-02-28T23:08:00.000-05:00

So I have been ridculously, mind-numbingly busy. "What else if new?" you reply.

Well, I'm going to San Juan, Puerto Rico for the weekend to recharge. The fact that I am going for next to free because my band was booked for two shows is just icing on the cake!!

I will be back next Wednesday. By then I will have decompressed with the help of some Puerto Rican Rum and sun. I will have written plenty in my journal so I am sure I will have a lot to post here.

See you soon!

(Click on Picture to Enlarge.)

Better watch out! There's 36 of Me!

2007-02-13T22:42:00.000-05:00

So my Aunt Angie forwarded a cool email. I tried the link and came out with this results.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
36
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

So there's only 36 James O'Garas in the U.S. That's not that many. Now, there I've met one of them in my hometown, Rockville Centre, before I left for college. I knocked on his door and said, "Hi, James O'Gara?

He replied, "Yes. What can I do for you?"

To which I replied, "Well, James O'Gara, I'm James O'Gara and I think a lot of my friends have been calling you by mistake."

So that's one down. That means there is 34 left for me to meet/contact. I think that's doable within two years time.

How many people share your name?

Spreading the Disease. . . .

2007-02-12T22:42:00.000-05:00

I'm doing this because my friend Ann posted this on her Live Journal. I bit and commented, so now I spread it on to you. Here's how it work. . .

Comment on this blog, and I will

1) Tell you why I friended you
2) Associate you with a song/movie
3) Tell a random fact about you
4) Tell a first memory about you
5) Associate you with an animal/fruit
6) Ask something I've always wanted to know about you
7) In retort, you MUST spread this disease in your Blog, LiveJournal, Blogger, etc.

I know I know - why spread the evil??

My Goatee Froze This Morning. . . .

2007-02-06T13:24:00.000-05:00

Today, the high in New York City is only supposed to be 24 degrees F. It’s been like that since Saturday night and we won’t break the freezing point until next weekend.

That’s damn cold!! That’s Canada cold! Though I am sure my Canadian friends are thing that I should quit my bitchin’!

I don’t know. I think I have the right to bitch when it’s so cold that I might as well not have worn pants.

I am thankful though that I have a warm apartment. My girlfriend’s apartment is warm and safe. So I’m not totally complaining. I’m just saying it’s damn cold, like Hoth World. Just without the snow, tautauns, AT-AT’s, snowtroopers. . . .

My Car Accident, Friday Dec 22nd, 5:35pm Part 1 -The Intersection

2007-01-08T22:27:00.000-05:00

Hi friends! Ok, I have a lot of recapping to do of the past two months. I figured I'd start with covering the car accident I had on Friday, Dec. 22nd, 5:35pm. I am sharing this with you, my friends, as I have with so much else of my life, but as well as this is the only way I can figure out to get the digital pictures I have of the intersection and accident to Geico, my insurance company. Apparently, they have a small size limit on the emails they accept and I have been unable to get them to my Claim Agent. I figure she can just come here and do a right click download of each picture. (That said, I have been a Geico customer since I have started driving and their service has always been excellent. And their response to this accident continues to show that.) So if this reads like a deposition, I apologize. Again, I am writing this with the intent that Geico can just print this out as my statement.

Anyway, the accident occured at approxiamately 5:35pm on Friday, December 22nd, 2006 at the interestion of South Wing Viaduct and Paterson Pland Rd in Union City, NJ. (Link here to Google Maps.) It was dark, and while it had rained earlier, it was just misty out. Not quite a drizzle, but not a dry night either. This didn't present a factor in the accident as the roads were not slick. I just mention it to present the facts of the evening. I was making the right turn from South Wing Viaduct on to Paterson Plank Rd. You will see from Google Maps that the intersection forms the letter "T". If you select either the Satellite or Hybrid View, you will see that this "T" intersection is right in front of my girlfriend's apartment building. This fact is a silver lining as I immediately called her to come down with her digital camera.

My car was located at the front of the line of cars in the right lane of South Wing Viaduct. Located very much in the same place as the car in this photo. (Click photo to enlarge, then right click and "Save as" to save photo.)

As well as this photo, which gives similar indication to the line of traffic behind me.

The big difference between these photos and that night, besides the obvious lack of sunlight, was that there were no cars, coming from the opposite direction, in the intersection. The left turn signal was not working that day, something my girlfriend noted when she when drove through intersection shortly before my accident. Both sides had their respective lights turn green at the same time. Also, note in these pictures that the intersection has a "No Turn On Red" sign. Now three cars before made the turn on red. I did not. As a resident of New York City since 2002, we are not allowed to make right turns on red on ANY interestion. So this has now become habit; much to the annoyance of others when I visit Long Island.

I initiated my right turn when the light turned green. My car was the FIRST to enter the intersection. This is important to note. (More details later.) When I entered the intersection, NO cars from the opposite direction had even moved forward. My 2000 Chevy Metro has a Gross Vehicular Weight (GVW) of 1,896lbs. When you add in my 175lbs, that brings us to a total of 2071lbs. This is significant as the car that hit me, a Nissan Pathfinder, has a GVW of 4,612lbs. With driver and passenger, with an average weight of 140 each, that brings its total weight to 4,892lbs. The basic physics of acceleration state that even if we both hit our gas pedals at the same time, my lighter car would enter the intersection first. However, this isn't even an issue according to New Jersey State Traffic Law. From Title 39:4-90 of New Jersey Traffic Law

39:4-90. Right of way at intersections

The driver of a vehicle approaching an intersection shall yield the right of way to a vehicle which has entered the intersection. When 2 vehicles enter an intersection at the same time the driver of the vehicle on the left shall yield the right of way to the driver of the vehicle on the right.

The driver of a vehicle within an intersection intending to turn to the left shall yield to a vehicle approaching from the opposite direction which is within the intersection or so close thereto as to constitute an immediate hazard, but the driver having so yielded, and having given a signal when and as required by law, may make the left turn; and other vehicles approaching the intersection from the opposite direction shall yield to the driver making the left turn

(emphasis added here is mine)

Further more, the driver of the Pathfinder has a New Jersey License and this fact is something he would had to have known when taking the knowledge portion of his road test. Here is a link to the New Jersey State Department of Motor Vehicle's Driver's Manual. The information regarding yielding to oncoming traffic when making a left turn is in Chapter 4, pages 31, 36-37.

"Always stop at a multi-way stop or stop intersection. Always yield
to the driver on the right if arriving simultaneously at a controlled
intersection with regulatory signs, such as a four-way stop. Always
yield to any driver already at or in an intersection."

The driver of the Pathfinder was first in line in the left turn lane of Paterson Plank Rd, northbound, seeking to make a left onto Paterson Plank Rd, westbound. Here is a picture of where he would have been located.

(Click on Image to Enlarge, Right Click, then "Save As" to download.)

It is important to note two things here. One, he has the greater distance to travel. And two, as shown by the next two photos, he would have seen me enter the intersection first, AND had me in his field of vision for the much the entire turn until he tried to pass me (and beat me to the turn and lane ahead). Then I would have been in his blind spot.

(Click on images to enlarge, Right Click, then "Save as" to download.)

Here is a photo of the merge to westbound. Again, I point out that I was already in the crosswalk when hit by the Pathfinder, just a little bit ahead of the SUV pictured here.

Here are photos of the merge from the opposite direction. (That apartment building in the background is where my girlfriend lives.)

(click on images to enlarge, right click, then "save as" to download.")

The Pathfinder was much in the same position as this van. However, since there were cars in the opposite lanes, he was a number of feet over towards the left (driver's right) of where the van appears in this photo. And unlike this photo, there wasn't empty space there. My Metro was there. For the driver to get his Pathfinder to that location, after entering the intersection after me AND having his vehicle weigh 2.5 times more than mine, he really must have been speeding. It is only at just prior to the point of impact, and during the impact that he would have lost sight of me in his blind spot. For the majority of the turn, I would have been in his field of vision . He assumed, as he told me, from prior times going through this intersection that I would have yielded to him. However, this is in direct contradiction to NJ Traffic Law, as shown above, MUCH LESS THE TRAFFIC LAW OF ANY STATE IN THE U.S.A. Also, I would not have seen him at that point, because he was in my blind spot. I had finished the turn and I was no longer looking to my left, I was looking straight ahead.

Here is another photo of the merge where a vehicle is at the same spot as the above van. It will probably enter the lane of the oncoming traffic. However, what is supposed to happen, BY LAW is that the driver of that car is supposed to yield to the driver of that pickup truck.

The next post (Part 2) shows the damage to the vehicles from the night of the accident. These further illustrate the fact that the Pathfinder hit my Metro and not the other way around.

My Car Accident, Friday, Dec. 22nd, Part 2 - The Damage

2007-01-08T12:24:00.000-05:00

This post, the second following Part 1, will show the damage to my car, the location of my car right after impact, and how the other driver's claim that my Metro hit the Pathfinder is physically impossible. If you have not read Part 1, do so before reading this post.

This first photo shows the location of my car immediately after impact. The force of the impact pushed me onto the curb. As you can see, I am past the crosswalk. (The white line in the upper right of the photo.) My vehicle had completed the right turn and was in the crosswalk heading straight.

(With all images click on image to enlarge, then right click and "save as" to download.)

These two photos clearly show the directional damage. The smudgey stuff that you see on my bumper is tire residue. If you enlarge the picture you will see that the smudges start on the left side (car's left) of the bumper, and move in a rightward direction, to the front. Had I hit the Pathfinder and turned away, the direction of the smudges would be in the opposite direction.

Also, note that curved line on the bottom of smudge, that was caused by the Pathfinder's lug nut cover. I know this because I found another Nissan Pathfinder, same model, and measured it with a tape measure.

The next three photos were taken of my car the next day in daylight. You can clearly see the force direction of the damage. The damage travels from the left side to the front right. Had I hit the Pathfinder, I would have a nice dent in my bumper as well as damage breaking off, on the left side, going in the direction towards the back of the car - in accordance with Newton's Third Law of Motion, "The Law of Reciprocal Actions", which dictates that "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Also, had I hit him, it would have been human nature to turn away from the other vehicle, which would again cause damage going in the direction of front to back on the left side.

However, this is not what the pictures clearly show.

(If you enlarge the above photo, you can really see the directional nature of the tire smudges.)

In the above two photos, as with the ones taken the night before, notice that the headlight is pushed towards the right of the car. Had I hit the Pathfinder, as the driver alleges,it would have been pushed back and to the left (car's left). Again, it would be an "equal and opposite reaction."

The dent and scrape above the bumper were caused by the right back-SIDE bumper, and wheel-well's edge of the Pathfinder. You can see that on the pictures below of the Pathfinder.

These photos show the damage to the Pathfinder and the height difference between the Pathfinder and the Metro.

On this photo, notice the missing lug nut cover on the tire and the scuffing on the back SIDE bumper. That is where his vehicle hit my Metro. The night of the accident, I picked up the lug nut cover and handed it to the other driver. If he denies this in Claims Court, under oath, he will be lying. Also, The driver will probably claim that I caused the noticeable dent you can see above. However, as you can see from the next photo, it is physically impossible for my Metro to reach that high, nor does the Metro have anything "pointy" enough on it to do that kind of damage. So that dent has to be from a prior incident.

Furthermore, in a rear impact accident between a Metro and a Pathfinder, I would end up under the bumper due to the height and mass differences.

If you enlarge this picture and zoom in on his back SIDE bumper, near the tire, you can seen the scuffing that the Pathfinder endured. As you can see, there isn't barely any damage. While true, in any accident between two vehicles in which one has 2.5 times as much mass as the other the smaller vehicle is going to take on a vastly greater amount of damage, the direction of the damage also indicates the direction of the accident. If I had really hit him, as the other driver alleges, there would be some directional damage on his vehicle, as per physics. But as we can clearly see there is not white paint or plastic residue, from my Metro, on his car.

Now, the police report from the night is vague as to who hit who and does not place any fault. Perhaps this is because New Jersey is a "No Fault" State. Furthermore, what the police officer wrote down that I said versus what I did actually say to him are quite different. My girlfriend was standing right next to me when I explained myself and will testify, under oath, that what I said and what is written below are two different things. On the report, I am listed as Driver 1 and the Pathfinder is Driver 2. The report writes:

"Driver #1 stated while negotiating a right turn onto Paterson Plank Road when he collided with Veh(sic)#2. Driver #2 stated while negotiating a left turn onto Paterson Plank Road when he was suddenly struck by veh(sic)#1."

I was "negotiating a right turn"?!!! You have to be kidding me!! I told the officer that I had completed it, which can be plainly seen by the pictures in this post and the last. I never stated that I "collided with" the other vehicle. I vehemently stated, repeatedly I might add, that the Pathfinder hit me. Furthermore, I reminded the police officer of Traffic Law THAT THE DRIVER MAKING THE RIGHT TURN HAS THE RIGHT OF WAY!

And as you can see from the last post, the other driver wasn't "suddenly struck" by me. He had me in view for most of the turn. So it should have come as NO BIG SURPRISE that he would hit me as he tried to cut me off!

BOTTOM LINE: By law, he should have never entered the intersection until he had clearance from all the cars coming from South Wing Viaduct, myself and all those behind behind me included.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post, and the last. I will gladly testify all this under oath in a court of law as well as present these photos along with the physics formulas to prove the nature of the accident.

This is what you get when the son of a police officer, who fastidiously read his father's law books, who also happens to have a degree in mathematics gets into an accident. It further helps that my mentoring professor's area of focus was the breaking points of metal and plastics as it applies to accidents and the strength of vehicles and airplanes.

Happy New Year!! (Resolutions)

2007-01-02T16:53:00.000-05:00

I realize that I have been a bad blogger the last few months of 2006. I got really busy and the commute from LI to Astoria was killing me as it sucked out my will to create. The downward cycle then just fed on itself. I would start posts, but never finish them. I have a folder on my computer with at least 10 half finished posts.

As I wrote in the Winter Solstice post, the last months of 2006 were extremely stressful. I had to move out of my apartment, get my stuff in storage, commute from Long Island (where I thankfully stayed with a great friend), and have my band break up, get back together, break up again and then finally get back together. (We’ll see how long that lasts.) I felt like I wasn’t settled and I couldn’t get much done. Thankfully, I moved into a new apartment this weekend that is twenty minutes from my job and adequately holds all my stuff. (To family and friends who want the address, I’ll email you soon.)

So for 2007, I resolve to change that. I’ll post with greater frequency. I can’t promise greater quality. Though, if you are reading my blog, odds are that you don’t think I write too much crap. . . .that often.

In acknowledgment that I have fallen out of contact with a lot of my good friends, I resolve to stay in touch more. I’ll call more, write more and definitely try to visit.

I resolve in 2007 to get out of my day-job as soon as I can afford to do so. The people are nice and all, but it’s served its purpose. I am intended for greater things than to be an administrative assistant.

To that end, I resolve to get back into shape. I know everyone and their mother makes that resolution. However, I need to do it for where I see my career going and to keep up my stage performance.

I resolve to get my own music recorded and out there on the net.

I think that’s it for the resolutions right now. I’m sure I’ll have more by the end of the week as I get further settled from my move.

Happ Winter Solstice!!

2006-12-21T23:05:00.000-05:00

Today is the Winter Solstice, the darkest day of year for the Northern Hemisphere. Interesting how my life is paralleling the seasons. I feel like I am in a dark time. Now, Spidey-friends, don't worry too much for me. I just feel like I have been in a rut for the past month or so. There have been some awesome happens in my life, but overall I am haven't been satisfied with the day to day path of my life.

I am tired of my job. They ask way too much work for the position, without giving competive pay. Since moving out to Hickvile, I have been losing 2.25-2.5 hours of my life to commuting to work. And since I am driving, and not taking public transportation, I can't use that time productively to read, write or sleep. The other day, traffic was so bad, it took over two hours to get home!! Total time in the car that day was 3.25 hours.

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining over little things, (there's more than just the traffic) but those little things have added to be quite frustrating.

But like the reminders that the celebrations of the Solstice give us, I know it can't stay dark for ever. Christmas, derived from pagan traditions no matter what Christitans may try to tell you, tells us this. Just about every tradion, even the date of December 25, comes from a non-Christian source. The date of December 25th is significant because it is the birthday of Mithra, a god-man that also died and rose from the dead. He, and others, are related to the sun and December 25th was selected as his birthday because it is the first day after the solstice that you can really tell that the day is getting longer. The sun is being reborn.

And so shall I. My life, no different than nature, runs with the seasons. A few months ago, I wrote about the fall and harvest. Today I write about the winter. Change is coming. The sun will come back. It always does.

Three Things in Life

2006-12-13T11:24:00.000-05:00

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -

1. Time

2. Words

3. Opportunity

Three things in life that may never be lost -

1. Peace

2. Hope

3. Honesty

Three things in life that are most valuable -

1. Love

2. Self-confidence

3. Friends

Three things in life that are never certain -

1. Dreams

2. Success

3. Fortune

Three things that make a person -

1. Hard work

2. Sincerity

3. Commitment

Three things in life that can destroy a person -

1. Alcohol / Drugs

2. Pride

3. Anger

Three things that are truly constant -

1. Faith

2. Hope

3. Love

And the greatest of these is Love.;

Post Election Day Thoughts

2006-11-09T16:55:00.000-05:00

So a couple of days after Election Day and needless to say, I’m happy with the results. I’m hopeful that changes can start to happen. At the very least, some oversight of the rampant abuses of power by the Bush Administration. Not expecting miracles (ITMFA), but keeping my fingers crossed that some things happen.

That said, I have to thoughts/points I wish to write about regarding America’s Election Day.

While playing pool with my friend, who happens to be a conservative, Monday night we both agreed on this first point.

1. Why does the United States of America, a supposed 1st World country, have 3rd World country quality elections?!

Why can’t we have electronic machines that give a paper receipt? Why can’t we have unhackable machines? Why were there some places were people had to wait up to 4 hours to vote because there weren’t enough machines, even though there were in the primary elections? Why do we still have problems where we can’t what a person voted? Hanging chads?!! WTF!!

We can put men on the moon but we can get an election to work simply, accurately and fairly. That is just plain pathetic, America.

2. The conversation over how poorly our elections are run then moved to the thought of Hillary Clinton possibly running for president. Ok, I don’t want to talk about her here. I want to talk about the questions that came up from there.

Do you think we will see a women president before we see an African-American/Black president? What about Hispanic or Jewish?

Leave comments with your thoughts about those questions.

To Every Season, Turn, Turn, Turn

2006-11-01T23:25:00.000-05:00

Crimson, auburn, gold and brown were the colors that lined the Cross Island Parkway as I drove to work this morning. Fall was in full regalia here in Queens, NY as it has been for a few weeks now; another change of seasons in the yearly cycle. As I have written before , (Here), I am often not ready for the change as I am caught wearing pants in summer and shorts in the winter. Call it Aries’ stubbornness, if you will.

This year was different though. Even with the upheaval and chaos of an unplanned move, (Read about it Here.), I was ready for the harvest. Seeds that I had planed many moons ago had come to fruition. (A perfect example is here.) The most special seeds of love and friendship showing great fruit. (One example, among many, can be found here.)

Driving past the placid Bayside Bay, which is an extension of the Long Island Sound, I looked to my right and see that he water is calm, and flat as if a mirrored sheet of glass extended from shore to distant shore. Dotting this pane of water were the buoys of the marina. In the spring and summer, the bay is full of sailboats anchored off-shore like a nautical garden. People wishing to access their sailboat for an excursion into the Sound would take a rowboat from the marina piers to their boat. Tying their rowboat to the buoy that their vessel was anchored near, they would then depart on their voyage.

But in the cooling days of fall, with the boats presumably in dry-dock, the buoys serves as a reminder that something are missing from this scene.

Not every seed planted makes it to the harvest. Some seeds fell on the path, and the birds came and ate them up. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and they sprang up quickly, since they had no depth of soil. But when the sun rose, they were scorched; and since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them.

The beautiful sight of the water put me in a rather reflective mood. (As if you can't already tell that.) And it isn't only just friendships lost that cross my mind. I think about the bands I had been in and songs no longer sung. Why do I mourn the seeds that didn’t grow? As humans, many of us think of what might have been and it often hinders us in seeing what is now. And as I human, I am no less guilty of that than any one else. In my struggle with the virtue of forgiveness and applying it to everyday life, I often wonder what skill the farmer must have to be able to let go of those seeds that fell on shallow soil. Maybe the farmer gets as frustrated as I do when the seeds we planted don’t grow to their full potential. Despite all the gains I think I have achieved, I am still a student.

Perhaps, the farmer comes to a place of wisdom in his life and learns not to let seeds land on the road, or to plant them on rocky ground, or among thorns. However, I’ve learned that wisdom rarely comes without the experience of pain from planting the seeds in those very spots. I once wrote:

"Some dreams you hold onto and work out quickly. Some dreams need to get deferred for a time to the future. ("God's delays are not God's denial.") And some dreams may never get attained because of forces outside your control, so you let go of them to pursue the one's that can be achieved.

I think that some part of wisdom, and the pain of life lessons, is learning this distinction and making choices so you can live life without regrets (or as close to that as possible.)" (From this Blog Post.)

The Parable of the Sower, which I blatantly and unapologetically drew from, finishes, “Other seeds fell on good soil and brought forth grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. Let anyone with ears listen!” Some seeds did fall on good soil, have brought forth much grain. For that I am thankful beyond measure. And as fall settles in, and as the harvest is finished, perhaps it's time I put my own boat in dry-dock and prepare for the winter and next year's planting.

My morning commute continues and takes me past the Bayside Bay. Memories of springs and summers past are just that. We can not hold onto them. Fall comes into our lives regardless of our wishes. So I put in my Allmans Bros Greatest Hits cd, (my new musical obsession), and smile as the melodic themes of the song "Jessica" blast out of my stereo. I smile and think about how it reminds me of the South and for a moment I imagine that I am not on the Cross Island Parkway, and I am not on my way to work to a job that I really can't stand anymore.

I am at some point in there near future, and I am back in North Carolina. I have manifested the career and life I had intended. And many of the seeds I have planted in the good soil have returned with harvests a hundrefold greater than my my imaginations. (And believe you me, I can imagine quite big.)

For just as it is fall today, and winter will come, spring will sure come around again, as will the time for planting. The boats will return to the Bayside Bay marina, repainted during their winter slumber, to sail into new waters. The wise captain, like the farmer, knows not to go back to where there are no fish.

But that will be next season. And we'll worry about that then.

Modern Humans, Neanderthals May Have Interbred

2006-10-31T12:08:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gents, this one is two easy. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. This was the Headline that I saw today.

Modern Humans, Neanderthals May Have Interbred

You can click here for the article.

Let that jokes and onliners flow, my friends!! I'll start.

"Modern humans and Neanderthals may have interbred? Well, that explains George W. Bush!"

Ok, so that was to easy and obvious. I am sure I will come up with more during the day. Please comment with your own.

I Need To Talk With The Youth Of Today

2006-10-20T16:42:00.000-04:00

On a lighter note, from yesterday’s post, please read this short article from the Associated Press and then my comments about it.

Judge: Exposure law is gender specific

RIVERSIDE, Calif. - A judge dismissed an indecent exposure charge against a woman accused of disrobing in front of a 14-year-old boy, saying the law only applies to men. Superior Court Judge Robert W. Armstrong said earlier in the week that the law only mentions someone who "exposes his person."

"It's gender specific," Armstrong said.

He dismissed a misdemeanor charge against Alexis Luz Garcia, 40, of Corona, who was cited in May after parents of a neighbor boy said she showed him full-frontal nudity as he played basketball.

Prosecutor Alison N. Norton said the decision to throw out the case will be appealed because another section of state law says that "words used in the masculine gender include the feminine and neuter."

Norton said Garcia had complained that the 14-year-old was making too much noise while playing basketball. She went out on her sundeck.

"He looked up at her, she looked down at him, and she disrobed," Norton contended.

The boy ran inside and told his parents, who complained to Garcia.

"She threatened to do it every time he played basketball," and the parents called police, Norton said.

-Ok, first things first my 14 year old young man, when a women of any age, but particularly when you are a teenager, exposes herself to you, you say your thanks to whatever god you pray to and then YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!

What the hell where you thinking telling your parents? When we were teenagers, ALL of us men dreamed of seeing a woman naked in real life! (Come to think about it, we still dream about that now that we’re adults.) You should have done what the rest of us men would have done and that is run inside to our rooms and jerked off. And then what you should have done was going out the next day, played basketball again really loud in the hopes that you would have gotten a repeat performance. Didn't they quote you're parents that "she threatened to do it every time" you played basketball? WTF is wrong with you!?! You bet my sweet ass I would be out there playing every day!

Perhaps you could have even bargained with her that perhaps she could expose herself to you more often in exchange for you playing less basketball. Hell, if you played your cards right and developed a win-win relationship here so you got a little older she could have perhaps given you a great education (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). And even then, since the age of consent in California is 18, YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!!

The only time you are allowed to talk about that is years later when reminiscing about your “Mrs. Robinson” while drinking with the guys. And if any woman asks where you developed your skills, you politely say, "Mrs. Robinson. And that's all I'm going to say about that."

"Remember, Remember the 29th of September!"

2006-10-19T09:30:00.000-04:00

My readers, I ask you to take 9 minutes to watch this clip from Keith Olberman. And then join with me for a moment of silence for the death of the United States of America as we know it and the Constitution.

Remember this day, September 18th, along with the 29th of September, when one of the founding principles of our Constitution, and Western Society, the writ of habeus corpus, was gutted. Remember this day when I get declared an "enemy combatant" by the Adminstration because I have spoken out against their reckless, and horrid, actions. ("Government Targets American Bloggers as Enemy Propagandists"). President Bush has said, I quote, that any one who disagrees with the War in Iraq and the way his adminstration has waged the War on Terror has "bought into the Enemy's propaganda?"

Really Dubya? That has to be about the stupidiest thing you have ever said! And I will prove it right now. Friends, you can answer along to these questions as well because you all know me.

Mr. President, how can I buy into the Enemy's propaganda when I don't speak or read a lick of Arabic?

How can I buy into the Enemy's propaganda when Al-Jazeera isn't broadcast in my city? This is besides the fact that I don't even have a TV to watch any broadcast by any station!

Mr. President, how can I buy into the Enemy's propaganda when I have never visited an Al-Queda website, nor ANY website that is related to any fundamentalist Islamic nature let alone a violent one? Also note, Mr. President that I don't visit fundamentlist Christian websites, even those that advocate violence such as the group lead by Reverend Phelps.

Mr. President, how can I buy into the Enemy's propaganda when the overwhelming majority of the media in this country just repeats the talking points put out by your adminstration? If I am exposed to anybody's propaganda, its your own, Mr. President!

I'm so American, it's ridiculous! I would never aid or abett anyone seeking to destroy my country, or The Constitution. Hence, my hatred for the current adminstration. With a bill like the one just passed, they seek to destroy America as we know it. Love of country is not synomous with love of government.

Oh, my friends, have no doubt I will be declared an "enemy combatant" and investigated by the Secret Service when they have already started questioning/interogating, without lawyers and without parental notification, 14 year olds who challenege President Bush. ("Secret Service Roughs Up 14-year Old over MySpace Page") Do you think my rants and diatribes against this adminstration have gone unnoticed?! I wouldn't doubt it if my phone line hasn't already been wiretapped. The only reason why I have not advocated for the assasination of President Bush is because it wouldn't solve the problem. It would actually make it worse because it would make Dick Cheney president, which is an evil I would not accept. And the dream of having George Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfield, Condeleeza Rice, Karl Rove and Paul Wolfowitz, among others, all killed at once is too statistically impossible so it remains a pipe dream.

Do you trust this President, or any president of any party for that matter because this is not a Republican vs Democrat or Conservative vs Liberal issue, to hold that much power? Do you trust that any president is so omniscient in their judgement of who is an enemy combatant or not?

I don't. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

And when did torture become an American value? A Christian value? A human value? I acknowledge we have had some dark times in our country's history. Remember the interment of Japanese-Americans during WWII? But I always thought that we aspired to a higher value, a higher moral code. I always believed that we wouldn't bring ourselves to the low level of those we fight against.

I guess I was wrong about America.

Yes, my friends, remember this day when I'm gone.

Remember when America died and you remained silent and did nothing.

I'm going sit here and wait for the men in black to come take me away. I'll save a place in the detention center for you. We can enjoy the waterboarding and torture together. It will be a fun and bonding experience.

Lightning Shot Out of Her Ass!!

2006-10-10T19:45:00.000-04:00

I know that I should be blogging about something serious, as there is so much in the world today that deserves our serious attention. Or perhaps, I should be writing something personal about my life and the recent ups and downs. That would be what a responsible blogger would do.

However, I have de-evolved into a 14 year old boy after reading the following story from Austraila.

Lightning Exits Woman's Bottom

October 09, 2006 12:00am

A WOMAN has suffered severe burning to her anus after being struck by lightning which hit her in the mouth and passed right through her body.

Natasha Timarovic, 27, was cleaning her teeth at home when lightning struck the building.

She said: "I had just put my mouth under the tap to rinse away the toothpaste when the lightning must have struck the building.

I don't remember much after that, but I was later told that the lightning had travelled down the water pipe and struck me on the mouth, passing through my body.

It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don't remember much at all." Doctors at the city hospital where she was treated for burns to the mouth and rear said: "The accident is bizarre but not impossible.

She was wearing rubber bathroom shoes at the time and so instead of earthing through her feet it appears the electricity shot out of her backside," a medic told local television news channel, 24 Sata.

"It appears to have earthed through the damp shower curtain that she was touching as she bent over to put her mouth under the tap. If she had not been wearing the shoes she would probably have been killed by the blast."

-Ladies and Gents, lighting came out of her ass!! My friends often accuse me of doing that when I fart, but here is a literal case!!

You can't make shit like this up! No one would believe you if you did. To quote the great Mark Twain, "Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."

I am still laughing as I write this. Sorry, I'll be a teenager for a little while longer.

Working at finding Home. . .

2006-10-07T23:29:00.000-04:00

I am watching the Mets win the third game against the Dodgers. I am in the living room of my aunt's home. I have moved next door with a family friend. My life is still quite chaotic and I am not enjoying the longer commute. But I doing well.

There is much I want to write about. Problem is there is less time in my life to write about it. Quite a conundrum, eh? They when am I wasting time writing this little meaningless post?

Got me.

Just wanted to let you know that I am still alive and that I am ok. And by ok, I don't necessarily mean sane. Just ok.

Talk with you soon!

Oh, yeah. I forgot. GO METS!!!!

This Will Be My Son!!!

2006-09-26T16:07:00.000-04:00

"Free at last, Free at last. . "

2006-09-20T09:36:00.000-04:00

"Free at Last,
Free at Last,
Thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"

The alarm went off today at 6:15am. I left Hoboken, NJ for my office in Astoria, NY at 7:40. Mapquest.com says the commute is 8.7 miles and should take 23 minutes. Now I am not sure what reality that Mapquest lives in, but any commute across the isle of Manhattan is not going to take 23 minutes. Maybe it does at 4 in the morning, but not during morning rush hour. It took me an hour and fifteen minutes.

In starting out the day so early, and envisioning to the pile of work that I have on my desk as well as the continued packing I needed to do for the evening, I really was not looking forward to today. The only expected highlight was going to be a cup of Chocolate Caramel Chai Tea in the afternoon. But that changed when I came into work this morning.

I spoke with the company that I have been working with to settle my credit card debts. In working things out we decided that I need to make a big payment on Monday and then everything will be settled. That's right, after Monday I will have NO MORE CREDIT CARD DEBT!!!!

You can't see me right now (because of the whole internet thing) but I am doing the Happy Dance!!

-Related side note, while this moving thing sucks and is immensely stressful, I know that positive changes are happening in my life.

Move #. . . .Gah, I have lost count!!!!!

2006-09-15T02:43:00.000-04:00

I' m drunk.

Let me preface that as I write this bit at 2:45 in the morning. I'm drunk and I have to move out of my apartment tomorrow. This makes the 14 or 15th time Ihave moved since May of 1998. Gah!

I'll try not to cuss much in this post. But since I am drunk, and it has been awhile since I have posted, or been drunk, I can't promise much. Part of the reason I have been absent from this site is because I have had "blogger's block" ala the the comic "Non Sequitor" below.

(click on the comic to enlarge to read it.)

My life has been so busy and hectic that I have hardly had time to write my thoughts down. I have so much in my mind, though, that I am sure that I have enough to write for weeks. Hell, my thoughts on 9-11 alone can take up pages and pages.

But I digress.

I am writing, Blog-friends, to let you know that I am moving once again. My landlord is a scumfuck. Sorry, I was trying not to cuss, but this guy is just so low on the evolutionary chart. We're talking somewhere between mold spores and head-cheese. I didn't want to move until maybe January as I would have paid off the last of my credit cards and an a couple of outstanding depts. However, situations here have deteriorated so much that I have to get out.

Fortunately, I have friend on Long Island with whom I can crash for awhile. The big plus is that he lives right next door to my aunt and uncle. Once I settle in, which should sometime next week, I will get back to a more regular blogging routine.

Till then, my friends, peace!

Rocking Rockland County This Weekend!

2006-08-24T09:42:00.000-04:00

(Click on image to enlarge.)

This Year's Freshmen . . .Makes You Feel Old, Doesn't It?

2006-08-23T09:32:00.000-04:00

Taken from Beloit College Mindset List

If this makes you feel old, just remember culture changes way faster than we age.

NEW BELOIT COLLEGE MINDSET LIST LOOKS AT ENTERING COLLEGE STUDENTS, GROWING UP WITH NO SOVIET UNION, ONE GERMANY AND BAR CODES

Beloit, Wis. - A rite of autumn is under way with the arrival of first-year students at thousands of colleges and universities for registration. Most 18-year-old students entering the class of 2010 this fall were born in 1988. They grew up with a mouse in one hand and a computer screen as part of their worldview. They learned to surf the internet as they learned to read. While they were still in their cribs, the 20th century started to close as the Berlin Wall came down, the Soviet bloc disintegrated, and frequent traditional wars in Latin America gave way to the uncontrolled terrors of the Middle East.

Each August since 1998, as faculty prepare for the academic year, Beloit College in Wisconsin has released the Beloit College Mindset List. A creation of Beloit’s Keefer Professor of the Humanities Tom McBride and Public Affairs Director Ron Nief, it looks at the cultural touchstones that have shaped the lives of today’s first-year students.

According to McBride, this year’s entering students form “a generation that has always been ‘connected’ and is used to things happening in ‘real time,’ like live satellite coverage of revolutions and wars, instant messaging and movies on demand. They expect solutions for every problem, from baldness to diseased organs. To the chagrin of teachers and parents, they’ve developed their own generational means of communication.”

The Beloit College Mindset List is used by educators and clergy and by the military and business in their efforts to connect with the new generation. Beloit creates the list to share with its faculty in anticipation of the first-year seminars and orientation. “It is an important reminder to faculty, some of whom are only a Ph.D. older than their students, that what we call ‘hardening of the references’ can set in quickly,” according to Nief. "It is meant to be thought-provoking and fun, yet accurate. It often provides the base for good opening seminar discussions as faculty and students address the challenges of examining important issues from differing perspectives."

BELOIT COLLEGE'S MINDSET LIST® FOR THE CLASS OF 2010

Members of the class of 2010, entering college this fall, were mostly born in 1988. For them: Billy Carter, Lucille Ball, Gilda Radner, Billy Martin, Andy Gibb, and Secretariat have always been dead.

1. The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.

2. They have known only two presidents.

3. For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.

4. Manuel Noriega has always been in jail in the U.S.

5. They have grown up getting lost in "big boxes."

6. There has always been only one Germany.

7. They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.

8. They are wireless, yet always connected.

9. A stained blue dress is as famous to their generation as a third-rate burglary was to their parents'.

10. Thanks to pervasive headphones in the back seat, parents have always been able to speak freely in the front.

11. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.

12. Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.

13. Faux fur has always been a necessary element of style.

14. The Moral Majority has never needed an organization.

15. They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams.

16. DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.

17. They grew up pushing their own miniature shopping carts in the supermarket.

18. They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.

19. "Google" has always been a verb.

20. Text messaging is their email.

21. Milli Vanilli has never had anything to say.

22. Mr. Rogers, not Walter Cronkite, has always been the most trusted man in America.

23. Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.

24. Madden has always been a game, not a Superbowl-winning coach.

25. Phantom of the Opera has always been on Broadway.

26. "Boogers" candy has always been a favorite for grossing out parents.

27. There has never been a "skyhook" in the NBA.

28. Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.

29. Computerized player pianos have always been tinkling in the lobby.

30. Non-denominational mega-churches have always been the fastest growing religious organizations in the U.S.

31. They grew up in mini-vans.

32. Reality shows have always been on television.

33. They have no idea why we needed to ask "...can we all get along?"

34. They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups."

35. Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.

36. They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.

37. Brides have always worn white for a first, second, or third wedding.

38. Being techno-savvy has always been inversely proportional to age.

39. "So" as in "Sooooo New York," has always been a drawn-out adjective modifying a proper noun, which in turn modifies something else

40. Affluent troubled teens in Southern California have always been the subjects of television series.

41. They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.

42. Ken Burns has always been producing very long documentaries on PBS.

43. They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.

44. Retin-A has always made America look less wrinkled.

45. Green tea has always been marketed for health purposes.

46. Public school officials have always had the right to censor school newspapers.

47. Small white holiday lights have always been in style.

48. Most of them never had the chance to eat bad airline food.

49. They have always been searching for "Waldo."

50. The really rich have regularly expressed exuberance with outlandish birthday parties.

51. Michael Moore has always been showing up uninvited.

52. They never played the game of state license plates in the car.

53. They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.

54. There have always been live organ donors.

55. They have always had access to their own credit cards.

56. They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."

57. Sara Lee has always made underwear.

58. Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.

59. Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.

60. They never saw Bernard Shaw on CNN.

61. Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.

62. Acura, Lexus, and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.

63. Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.

64. LoJack transmitters have always been finding lost cars.

65. Diane Sawyer has always been live in Prime Time.

66. Dolphin-free canned tuna has always been on sale.

67. Disposable contact lenses have always been available.

68. "Outing" has always been a threat.

69. Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss has always been the perfect graduation gift.

70. They have always "dissed" what they don't like.

71. The U.S. has always been studying global warming to confirm its existence.

72. Richard M. Daley has always been the Mayor of Chicago.

73. They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.

74. Ringo Starr has always been clean and sober.

75. Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.

© 2006 Beloit College, Beloit, Wisconsin

The Kenneth Cole Ad That Stopped Me Cold

2006-08-22T14:58:00.000-04:00

It read:

The $290 billion spent evicting one Iraqi dictator could have housed America's 3.5 million homeless...forever.

Are you putting us on?

--Kenneth Cole

'Nuff said!

"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men. Our hope for creative living lies in our ability to reestablish the spiritual needs of our lives in personal character and social justice. Without this spiritual and moral reawakening we shall destroy ourselves in the misuse of our own instruments." --Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Another Part of Growing Up. . . .

2006-08-18T15:56:00.000-04:00

I found the following on a site I frequent. I really identify with it. Let me say that again. I REALLY identify with this. Perhaps because I feeling like I have grown so much in the past year. I do not know who the author is, but when I find out I will give proper credit. In the meantime:

The nice guy, they say, finishes last. But in romantic relationships, the nice guy often isn't even in the running. The nice guy is the one that you consider your friend. The nice guy is the person that you can talk to about anything, you feel comfortable with, and feel you can trust. He is often the person you talk to about "guy" problems, the one you seek when things aren't going well in a relationship. The nice guy may have expressed an interest in dating you and, although you may have thought this to be a compliment, you weren't interested. After all, you are "just friends." The nice guy is the person who you trust and feel comfortable with, but don't see as "fun" or "challenging" or really all that "interesting," other than as a friend, of course.

As your friend, I never understood why you continued to pursue guys who mistreated you, or your attraction to guys who even I considered to be jerks. I never understood why you seemed to make the same choices and mistakes repeatedly. And as a friend, I never understood why you didn't appreciate the qualities that I had to offer. After all, you said you wanted a man who was caring, sensitive, strong and intelligent, who treated you with respect. Instead, you seemed most attracted to men who were emotionally distant or abusive, dishonest, and uncommunicative.

Something interesting started to happen as we both got older. You seemed to notice me more. You weren't interested in a relationship with me, but you seemed to appreciate me a little more. You still tend to be attracted to men who are unavailable or abusive to you, but you now seem to notice me. This is confusing to me since I have tried for so long to gain your attention. And now that I have your attention, I don't understand why. I haven't changed that much.

What is different about you? Are you tired of being mistreated? Are your priorities and values changing? Why are you interested in me now? Now that I am gaining your attention, I am noticing a change in me. I no longer feel as comfortable with you. I no longer trust you as I had before. And I have no idea why you are suddenly interested in me. It becomes really confusing when you show an interest in a relationship with me.

For one thing, I have been hurt by your rejection and taking me for granted. And secondly, I notice that I have lost some of my respect for you because of the choices you had made repeatedly in the past. And I find it interesting when you and your girlfriends discuss men and say that all the good ones are taken. This seems surprising to hear since many of the so-called "good ones" are nice guys that you were not interested in. You may also be surprised to know that another change for me is that, while I still find you interesting and attractive, I am no longer willing to take the risk of having a relationship with you.

In fact, I've found that I prefer relationships with "nice girls" who appreciate me, respect me, like me, and genuinely value the qualities that you found to be dull, boring, or uninteresting. We can be friends because I still do like you. But I doubt that we can be close friends because I no longer have the same respect for you, and I question whether you ever did respect me. But, we can still be friends.

Still Think I'm Paranoid Because of the Last Post. . .

2006-08-17T12:19:00.000-04:00

Hi,

So I was wasting time at work and found this trailer at Apple.com. Scary, very scary.

America: Freedom to Fascism

The trailer requires Quicktime to watch. If you do not have it you can download it at Apple.com.

I think I'll be calling the Irish Consulate tomorrow to start the procedure to get my Irish passport. Thanks Dad for thinking ahead on that one!

First They Came For The Muslims. . .

2006-08-17T10:03:00.000-04:00

Friends, will you speak up when I am taken away because I speak truth to power, because I don't buy our government's bullshit lies? I would for you, but by that time there may not be anyone left to speak up for you.

If you believe that that abuses and crimes of Nazi Germany can't happen here in the U.S., then you are fooling yourself. We have already sold our government to corporations. (Fascism is at basic sense "corporatism.") Citizens, yes CITIZENS, have been held indefinitely WITHOUT CHARGE. Our 1st Amendment Free Speech Rights have and are being stripped. (Remember the "Free Speech Zones" during the Republican Convention?) Our Fourth Amendment Rights against unreasonable search and seizure are being tossed out the door. (Has your phone line been tapped yet without a warrant? I bet mine has. And that's just the tip of the iceburg.)

If we continue down this course, I bet "detention camps" aren't that far down the road. (Actually, there is chatter on the Net that these have already been built. And I'm not even talking about the prison at Guantanamo Bay. Do a Google search on this topic and you'll be frightened by what you find) And since I am a vocal protester of the government, many times criticizing the Shrub and his crew on this blog, where I give my real name (how stupid of me), don't you think I'll be one of the early ones to go?

I really don't think I'm being a "paranoid, liberal ninny" here. Just a good student of history. . . something my Conservative father taught me to be. (And he is a Conversative in the true sense of the word, not these Neo-Con fuckheads that have co-opted the Republican party. If my dad was in office, he'd be for checks and balances (something this Republican Congress isn't doing) and more importantly, at least we'd have a balanced budget AND no deficit!)

Remember, those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it!!

Don't worry, I'll keep a bunk warm for you at camps for when you get there.

-Spider

They came for the Muslims, and I didn't speak up...
By Stephen Rohde

(Author's Note: The USA Patriot Act became law a little over one year ago.)

First they came for the Muslims, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Muslim.

Then they came for the immigrants, detaining them indefinitely solely on the certification of the attorney general, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't an immigrant.

Then they came to eavesdrop on suspects consulting with their attorneys, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a suspect.

Then they came to prosecute noncitizens before secret military commissions, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a noncitizen.

Then they came to enter homes and offices for unannounced "sneak and peak" searches, and I didn't speak up because I had nothing to hide.

Then they came to reinstate Cointelpro and resume the infiltration and surveillance of domestic religious and political groups, and I didn't speak up because I no longer participated in any groups.

Then they came to arrest American citizens and hold them indefinitely without any charges and without access to lawyers, and I didn't speak up because I would never be arrested.

Then they came to institute TIPS (Terrorism Information and Prevention System) recruiting citizens to spy on other citizens and I didn't speak up because I was afraid.

Then they came for anyone who objected to government policy because it only aided the terrorists and gave ammunition to America's enemies, and I didn't speak up ... because I didn't speak up.

Then they came for me, and by that time, no one was left to speak up.

Forum Column (from the Daily Journal, 11/20/02). Stephen Rohde is an attorney. He edited American Words of Freedom and was was president of the American Civil Liberties Union of Southern California.

Does Rohde's text seem familiar? It should. He based it on one of the web's most widely-circulated texts about silence in the face of evil:

In Germany, the Nazis first came for the communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, but I didn't speak up because I was a protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak for me.

That text appears in several slightly varying forms but is always attributed to the Lutheran pastor Martin Niemöeller (1892-1984), who was several times jailed by Hitler in the mid-thirties, then spent eight years in Sachenhausen and Dachau. He survived to become an important anti-nuclear pacifist. He was, from 1961-1968, President of the World Council of Churches. One source says that he frequently ended his speeches with that text, so the several variants may simply reflect transcriptions of those different events.

"I Only Have Eyes For You"

2006-08-04T17:04:00.000-04:00

Because of the mini-heat wave last week, (if you can call 100+ temperatures mini) I have spent just about every night at my girlfriend’s apartment in Hoboken because she as air-conditioning and I don’t. While I love her dearly for this kindheartedness, it had increased the time of my daily commute. She would drop me off at the Path Train in Hoboken, which I then took to 33rd St. in Manhattan. There I'd transfer to the W Train which dropped me of right by my office in Astoria.

Thursday, as I was on the Path Train reading, a couple came in and stopped by the pole in between the two doors. The young lady was absolutely beautiful, though she did have a big teeth smile. She was someone that I knew was one of those girls that got looked over in high school; maybe looked a little too goofy for the guys to ask out. However, probably somewhere around 20-22 she grew into her body and left all those loser guys in the dust.

The point of this post is not to rave about how pretty she was. I am not writing with the purpose of making my girlfriend jealous. What really was significant was how this young woman looked at her man. Through the entire ride you could tell that he was the only person that she saw. The fact that she was so in love with this guy was so apparent from the look in her eyes. And that was perhaps the most beautiful thing of all.

Maybe they were new lovers. Hopefully, they had been together for quite awhile.

There was someone, once, to whom I looked at like that. I was so enthralled by her and everyone could see it. Her own mother told me that she saw my love for her daughter the first time I visited her hometown. While out with this girl one day, a complete stranger had even told me, "I hope someday I find someone who looks as me like you look at her."

Everyone could see the depth of my love for her. Everyone except her. ("Unrequited love is never romantic.")

Returning this story to my Thursday commute, I took the NJ Transit 12:15AM bus back to my girlfriend's apartment. Two rows behind me sat this gorgeous girl, and her boyfriend. I noticed her unique beauty as she was walking through the bus. (Again, I am not writing this to make my girlfriend jealous. She notices pretty women as well.) There's this comedian sitting in the back row. As he exits the bus, he tells the couple, "You (the girl) are quite gorgeous. (Turning to the guy) Make sure you hold on to her!"

You could feel the smile on their faces from that compliment as guy responded, "I will."

While I am still the kid rockstar (as you can tell from pictures of my gigs and funny posts), I think I've grown up enough to recognize a good thing when I see it. There's someone in my life that looks at me like that woman on the train looked at her man; like I used to look at that girl who never saw me. I've grown up enough to know that love like that does not come often in one's life.

I've grown up enough not to need a stranger to remind me to hold onto the good thing that has come into my life.

Too Funny, I Just Had to Share

2006-08-02T12:43:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you just need a funny story/fart joke to make you laugh through the banality of work. This one was so funny, I had to share:

The HORROR

Hope you laugh as loud as I did!

Is It This Hot On The Sun?

2006-08-02T10:02:00.000-04:00

Today, New York City will hit near record high temperatures. I think they are predicting 104 degrees F for Astoria, NY, where I work. What does that translates into Celsius, for my Canadian friends? I don't know, my brain is too hot to work out the math.

Fortunately for me, I have someone who loves me enough to let me sleep over in their air conditioned apartment and my office is often cold enough to hang meat. The heatwave is supposed to break Friday so I will be thankful when that happens.

So much has been going on in my life; so much I want to write about. Like my trip from Las Vegas to North Carolina and my trip to Chicago this past weekend. I am waiting to write about the cross country trip until I can get all my pictures together. And I'll write about Chicago by this weekend. Too much shit went down not to write about it.

This tired Spider is going to sign off now. I hope you are keeping cool wherever you are this summer. I'll be blogging soon.

Edited to Add: It hit 101 Degrees F this afternoon!!!!

Back at CBGB's Tonight!!

2006-07-21T09:55:00.000-04:00

(Click on image to enlarge.)

A Point to Ponder

2006-07-19T10:36:00.000-04:00

Someone posted this on the Rants and Raves section of the New York Craigslist Site. I thought it was powerful and quite true. So I figured I'd share it with you all. I'll probably incorporate it into a blog post in the near future. When I find out the author's information I'll give the proper credit.

"People are mirrors for each other.

If you see the faults of another person and they don't leave you alone, it is truly your own faults you see.

This is G-d's great kindness to us, for without this device we wouldnever be able to determine our true faults"

Air Guitar Dorks

2006-07-13T12:52:00.000-04:00

Friends, watch this video.

Ok, how lame is that! I have seen that game for XBox and Playstation while at BestBuy and I thought it was cute for kids. However, for adults. . .just bloody lame.

At least when I play along with "Iron Man," and dress like a rock star I:

1) Actually look cool in my outfit, unlike that dork on the left. (as evidenced by the pics below.) Capes only work for Superman, Batman, and Gene Simmons of KISS.

(Yes, Kelly, that's your Army Jacket.)

(Click on image to enlarge.)

And more importantly,

2) I ACTUALLY CAN PLAY THE BLOODY SONG ON MY REAL GUITAR!!!

Geez!

My Girlfriend, the Comedienne

2006-07-09T11:23:00.000-04:00

Last night, I spent a pleasant summer evening on the streets of downtown Hoboken, NJ with my girlfriend. We window-shopped along the cute stores, ate dinner at a excellent Mexican Restaurant, and walked along the waterfront down by the Hudson River. All in all, a very enjoyable night. At two points, my girlfriend made jokes that were well timed and quite funny (IMHO). (IMHO - internet speak for "In My Humble Opinion.")

The first joke was made as we where crossing Washington Street at 5th Street. I was rubbing my hand, for whatever reason, and noticed some very thick callous at the point where my middle finger joins the palm of my right hand. Take a look at your hand right now to see where I am talking. You probably have a little circular callous there as well. Mine, for some reason, seems inordinately large and thick.

My girlfriend, seeing me look at this callous, says, "Yeah, I noticed that really thick callous when I was holding your hand earlier in the day. You must have been alone for a very long time!"

(If you don't get that right away, I'll give you a moment to think about it.)

The second joke of the night occured as we were on the "Great Lawn" down by the Hudson River. There were people sitting on blankets and kids playing. My girlfriend and I took off our sandals as we walked across the lawn to enjoy the feeling of grass on our bare feet; something city dwellers don't experience often. We noticed two little girls to our left doing sommersaults and cartwheels. My girlfriend and I say something about remembering what it is like to be kids. I jokingly say, "Well, let's do some cartwheels."

She says, "Ok."

In my head I say, "Shit, can I even still do a cartwheel!?!" because I can't remember the last time I did one.

With images of me busting my ass, I get her to go first while hoping she doesn't realize her boyfriend is acting chickenshit about doing a cartwheel. My girlfriend has me hold her purse and then performs a cartwheel. Not the most perfect cartwheel, as I am sure her shorts and blouse were not the most conducive to acrobatics, but an acceptable one nonetheless. "Your turn," she says with a smile.

I put down my sandals, put my hands up in the air and take a step, all while trying to hide the nervousness that I feel because I can picture myself landing on my head. I then procede to excute an excellent cartwheel. While not Olympic Gold Medal winning, it was quite impressive for a man who really shouldn't have that level of agility left after working an office job for so long. My legs were straight, my arms strong and my landing solid.

"I'm impressed," my girlfriend said. "That was really good!" Yeah, I'm impressed with myself as well.

I then get impulsive and ask if she remembers doing "roundoffs" where you start the cartwheel and then push off with your arms to turn in the air and land on both feet. I perfom one, quite well and to the surprise of both of us.

We gather our shoes and things and proceed to continue our walk across the Great Lawn. My girlfriend turns and says, "You know how I know your gay. . .," referencing that scene in the movie "40 Year Old Virgin", "you can do a perfect cartwheel."

That's my girlfriend. She'll be here all week, folks, and don't forget to tip your waitress!

"I've Been Everywhere, Man. . "

2006-07-05T21:51:00.000-04:00

I left New York's J.F.K. Airport last Monday, June 26th to Las Vegas, Nevada. From Las Vegas, I drove 2,274 miles to Greensboro, NC. Yesterday, July 4th, I flew from Greensboro to Newark, NJ. When all the miles to an from the airport are added in I travelled 5,566.67 miles in 9 days!

Yeah, all those miles and changes in time zones makes for one tired Spider. So I am going to bed right now.

But stay tuned Spidey Friends, I'll have pictures and stories to follow soon.

When Art Comes Way Too Close to Reality

2006-06-26T09:21:00.000-04:00

The voiceover and the filmed scenes are from the movie V for Vendetta. The scenes of the other dictatorship. . .well, that's real life.

Playing Upstate NY This Weekend!

2006-06-23T11:23:00.000-04:00

Is "Temporarily Stupid" a Medical Condition?

2006-06-22T07:21:00.000-04:00

I did two incredibly stupid things this week. Both can fall under the category of not following through with the details of what I was doing.

On Tuesday, I had to move my car to avoid getting a parking ticket due to the obsessive altnerate side of the street parking rules they have in Astoria. I park, turn off my car and place my keys between my legs, on the seat, as I answered a phone call from my boss. After I finish, I grab what I thought was both sets of keys that were there between my legs. I get out, locking the door in the process.

As I walk away I realize, you guessed it, that I locked my car keys in the car. In my hand were only my office keys. D'oh!! My keys are right there on the driver's seat. Gah!

I thought this was going to cause the day to suck immensely. Frustrating visions of trying to get someone out with a slim-jim to open the car danced in head. I headed back to my office to see if there was a wire hanger to be found. Voila! There was. A little twisting, and then finagling the passenger door for 5 minutes I broke into my car.

Yeah, this cop's son would make a good car theif. Though, that would probably just reinforce some stereotypes about Puerto Ricans.

Second stupid thing was done yesterday (Wednesday). I didn't discover it until I went to my car at the end of the day to drive to lesson. Idiot me, in my rush to get to the office in morning had left the passenger side window WIDE OPEN! All day! We're not talking open just a crack; we're talking all the way!

Fortunately, one, the car wasn't stolen. And two, nothing was taken out of my car.

Yeah, I am too stupid to have a car, People.

Now this brings up a few points:

1. Considering my car can be easily opened with a wire hanger, there really is no point in locking my doors as anyone can break into my car.

2. Considering that I left the window open ALL DAY, in New York City (Astoria) and no one stole it, I now can offically classify my car as a P.O.S. (Piece of Shit) Because, c'mon, who in their right mind steals a dirty metro with close to 100,000 miles on it!

3. Thank God I can attract girls with my guitar and not my P.O.S. car!

"You're Feeling Very Sleepy. . ."

2006-06-21T16:24:00.000-04:00

Minutes, days, weeks pass and I find that life is moving at a brake neck speed. No time to pause. If I could slow it all down, like some captain whose ship’s run aground, waiting for the tide to come around. I think of so many things to write for this blog, mainly at times when I am not near a computer or pen and paper.

And sometimes, I get home and I don’t feel like spending another minute on the computer after a long day of work. It’s not that I don’t love sharing about my life and stuff, but I’m just dog tired sometimes.

To that end, meaning tiredness, I do have to share this really positive thing I’ve experience with regards to sleep. Up until sometime in my mid-twenties (or tweens if you’d like) I would sleep like the dead. Actually, my college roommate Keith once kicked me in the back of the head while climbing onto the top bunk. I was on the bottom bunk and his foot slipped as he was climbing up. I didn’t wake up and didn’t feel a thing.

But somewhere along the line, sleepless nights found me.

Recently, I got interested in taking power naps during my lunch break at work. I would some quiet music on my iPod and nap. But I woke sometimes feeling more tired than before. Then I heard about Wendi Friesen, a hypnotherapist, on the radio talking about her Power Nap cds that can make you feel like you slept hours in 20 minutes. Plus, she threw in a cd to help you get a deep sleep at night.

I figured what do I have to lose. So I got them. And I have to tell you, it really does work. I've loaded all the tracks onto my iPod so that anytime I want to take a Power Nap, I can.

I use the Power Nap between work and lessons sometimes as there is are 10 minutes and 5 minute tracks as well as the 20. It's great at night before a gig.

Also, I use the deep sleep hypnosis track at night, and I am out before the track is done!! Before i would toss and turn for a long time as I tried to quiet the dialogue of the day in my head. Now, I'm sleeping heavy and through the night again. Thank the stars I don't have a a roommate and bunkbeds anymore!

Just wanted to share that. More to share tomorrow!

One Dream Shattered

2006-06-15T09:06:00.000-04:00

So the news this week was that Karl Rove won't be indicted for case dealing with the leaking of Valerie Plame's identity. (Do a google on this if you want to read about it. I don't have the energy to go find links right now.)

This shatters my hopes and dreams of ever seeing the below picture become a reality.

Some Things Should Never Be Forgotten. . .

2006-06-12T09:57:00.000-04:00

So here's a reminder: (Click image to enlarge. It's worth it.)

(From Non Sequitur, by Wiley.)

There's a Head in the Head!!

2006-06-06T12:11:00.000-04:00

Forgive Father for I have sinned,It has been 26 days since my last blog post. . . .

What’s the absolution for that sin? I don’t have a rosary so I can do Hail Marys. Oh well, I guess it’s a good thing that I am a recovering Catholic so I don’t have to worry about that.

I am sure that you have figured out that my lack of posting is a direct relationship to the amount of business and craziness in my life. I can not deny, though, that a good amount of my time is being eaten up spending time, in a very good way, with my girlfriend. As my aunt, who reads my blog, pointed out to me at a recent family get together. “I was reading your blog, Jim, and I noticed that you were posting less frequently. I said to myself there must be a woman in his life.”

So yes, that is probably news for some of my readers. She and I have been dating for awhile. I didn’t want to write about it, and still probably won’t, because I believe in keeping one’s love life out of one’s public life. Other than the fact that yes, I date, and yes, I currently have a girlfriend I am very happy with, I will never write much in detail my love life. I’ll talk in generalities about my interactions, both successful and miserable, with female species because I think gender issues and differences are a very interesting, and amusing topic to explore. If some of those generalities happen to also be shared by a particular female in my life, then I assure that it is totally coincidental and unintentional.

(And if you believe that, I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.)

(Second side note: Honey, I swear I haven't posted anything about you!. . .yet.)

Ok, onto some funny random stuff. So I go to a barbecue of a mentor/former coworker of said girlfriend this Sunday out on Long Island. Nice day, good food. That’s not the funny random thing. It’s this woman’s bathroom. It is a small, closet sized bathroom from that just contains a toilet which faces the door. No sink, no tub, just a toilet. The random, and very disturbing, thing about this bathroom is that she has a head on the wall.

Yes, I did say “head.” And it’s holding a cigar. Below are the pictures I took with my camera phone.

Needless to say, this head weirded me out!! My girlfriend said it weirded her as well, but she figured it would be worse for a guy as he is standing there peeing. She’s correct on that one. It was almost as if he was looking right at my “you know what” in some quiet contemplation about its significance in the world. Now, in my ego, I’ll proudly proclaim the significance of my “you know what.” However, since I know there are 3 billion other ones in the world so I know it isn’t all that special.

My girlfriend said that it would be freakier if the eyes moved. I disagreed. I would some how rig the head to speak. Perhaps, it could be hooked up to a sensor on the door so that if you’re in there for an inordinate amount time it’d say, “You’ve been in here in awhile. Everything coming out alright?”

Or a sensor that can tell if someone is using the toilet while standing, in other words a man. Then the head can laugh and say, “Is that all you got?!”

With it’s pensive look, he could say, “Dear God!! Got a match?!. . . For my cigar, of course.”

Feel free to comment with your own creative comment. My girlfriend suggested that perhaps he could sing that line from the chorus to that Lynyrd Skynyrd song. Oh, you know which one I’m talking about.

“Ooh-ooh, That Smell!!”

(C'mon, like you didn't see that one coming!!)

More Pictures, Various Times

2006-05-10T13:44:00.000-04:00

(Click any image to enlarge.)

My bandmates got me cupcakes at the practice after my birthday.

CBGB's Cellar, February 2006

At the Tappan Pub, May 5, 2006.

Right at home in the studio, October, 2005.

Banging my guitar to get feedback at the end of a song. This was probably late March or early April.

Why Jim Should Not Be Given Guinness in Large Amounts

2006-05-08T11:51:00.000-04:00

(Click to enlarge image.)

This are pictures from my birthday party on March 31st. Yes, I am 30. And no, I really wasn't that drunk at this time of the night.

It's About Damn Time!!!

2006-05-04T15:21:00.000-04:00

Ok, for all you non-geeks out there, you will not get my excitement about the following.

George Lucas to release Original Unaltered Trilogy on DVD This Fall.

It is fitting that I find out about this on Star Wars Day!

I'm doing a sci-fi geek dance of joy. Where's my lightsaber!

Go South Side!!!

2006-05-03T14:49:00.000-04:00

Hi All!

Still working on some more substantial posts. Life has been incredibly busy, plus I haven't had internet access at home for weeks now. Hate that. I feel like an addict going through withdrawal.

Anyway, I wanted to make a point of note and pride. My high school alma mater, South Side High School in Rockville Centre, NY, was listed as one of the top 100 high schools of the country by NewsWeek. Number 32 to be exact. You can read the article HERE.

This Would Be My Marriage. . . .

2006-04-28T10:37:00.000-04:00

(Click on picture to enlarge.)

That's my kind of woman! Though, my response would have been more like, "Excellent projection! Though, we need to work on the resonance."

Talking to John at Work, Pt 1

2006-04-27T16:45:00.000-04:00

So I had a deep blog post ready for today about how good of a day Wednesday had been. That will wait until tomorrow. I'm going to write about a frustrating experience I had today while trying to take a crap at work. Yes, I am talking about pooping at work. C'mon, we've all done it. I know it's uncomfortable to go to the bathroom other than our home base, but sometimes nature calls unexpectedly.

In my second job out of college, I was an Admissions Counselor for my alma mater, Greensboro College. Our office was a house at the front of campus. Beautiful house; worse bathroom layout ever. The bathroom that was delineated for the staff men's room was near the open air and near all the other office rooms. Our staff was majority female. I hated going to the bathroom there if my stomach was exploding.

However, since I was the Fine Arts Recruiter, I would make daily trips to the Music Building. "I'm going to Odell!" became my phrase as I would leave with a magazine buried under my admissions paperwork. I soon discovered, however, that going to the bathroom in Odell Building, and really anywhere on the campus, was unpleasant during the North Carolina summer because of lack of air conditioning in the bathrooms. Every building on campus, even the really old ones, had been fitted with central air, except for the bathrooms. What fucktards designed that!?! Who wants to break out in a massive sweat as they are having gastronomiconomic muscle contractions? Good thing that the newly constructed science building rectified that architectural mistake.

But I digress. This post is not intended to be a discourse about how I have creatively found ways to poop at work in comfort and privacy. Nah, it is about today. So because of certain work conditions lately, I have routinely been the only one in my department physically in my office. My teammate administrative assistant from the Medical Dept. was moved another location months ago. On my floor is another department. And when I don't answer my phone it bounces over to their receptionist.

Now there must be some corollary to Murphy's Law that says that the odds of the phone ringing are in direct proportion when you are away from your desk. I can sit at my desk for two hours, not a peep. However, the minute I go to get a cup of coffee. . . .BANG!!! I get three calls at once from every director in the agency looking for stuff to be done stat! It always works that way.

So our bathrooms are out in the hallway. And sure enough, nine times out of ten when I go, I hear my phone ring. And times, when I am really, um, shall we say indisposed because I had the three-alarm chili bean dip for lunch the receptionist on the other side will invariably answer my line. Now instead of doing the smart thing and taking a message, she'll put the person on hold and yell out my name!!

"Um, he seems to have stepped away from his desk."

Ya think!!! There I am in the bathroom scrambling to pull up my pants because I know the receptionist probably said something fucktarded and I'll have to smooth over some disgruntled director or board member. It's even gotten to the point where I bring the office walkie-talkie into the bathroom in case my boss's boss, who is a type-A heart attack waiting to happen, calls.

"Jim, WHERE ARE YOU?!!! Why aren't you answering the phone?!!! Why isn't there anyone in your office?!!

"Um, Sir, I'm taking a shit. And my boss, and the other supervisors are all out at the houses they supervise, as their job description describes. Have you tried getting them through the walkie-talkie?"

"Oh. Sorry. Call me when you're done."

So this afternoon, as I felt the falafel sandwich with everything and hot sauce turn my stomach right round baby right round, I emailed the receptionist, so I wouldn't have to say it out loud for her entire office to hear, that I was going to be indisposed (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) for a few minutes, would you please take any of my calls. It was supposed to be discreet.

What does she does? She opens the email, and READS IT ALOUD at a volume her entire office can hear! All the other receptionist/assistant needed to do was keep it to herself, and if someone called for my department say, "Jim is indisposed at the moment. May I take a message for you? He'll call you back as soon as he can!"

Nah, that would take to much thinking. Just one more reason I need to start my own business. So I can crap in peace while I am at home doing work.

(This picture graciously borrowed from Things I Hate About My Flatmate. I have to properly site my sources, like the good liberal arts student.)

Birthday Weekend Round-Up (3/31 - 04/02)

2006-04-25T22:40:00.000-04:00

( FYI: This post was started on Wednesday 04/05/06 and finished Friday 04/07/06. I've just been insanely busy to finish edit and post it. Sorry!!!)

Hello Spider-fans!

It’s a glorious Wednesday here in NYC and . . . . ok, I’m lying. It’s not a glorious day. It’s partly cloudy and cold again. A bitter turn from the beautiful weather that I had for my birthday weekend. (Side note: Just got to a give a big shout of thanks to the Big Guy and Mother Nature for that awesome birthday present! End side note.) We actually have snow right now!! The warmth of spring was just an April’s Fools joke I suppose.

My birthday weekend was great. I wish I had more descriptive words right now, but I am at work and the brain hasn’t checked in yet. Friday night, I went out to Woodhaven House, and Irish Pub & Restaurant near my house that has great food. It was a mix of family, old friends and new friends. A great birthday night.

Saturday, was a mellow day of lessons. The highlight was going to Radio City Music Hall to see my favorite band Dream Theater perform the last concert of its Octavarium tour, and a celebration of 20 years of making music. To say the concert was outstanding would be an understatement. This show made into the top three concerts I have ever seen.

Dream Theater started out playing a couple of songs from the new album, and then went on a career retrospective playing one song from ever album they have every done, even one from their demos when they were known as Majesty. The first set ended with the song “The Spirit Carries On” from their concept album Scenes From a Memory. There was a 15 minute intermission. We were all excited as they still have three more albums to play through. Instrumental music to the Overture of the title track of the album Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence started before the curtain rose. As soon as the crowd recognized it, they went nuts. The curtain opens and there's a 25-30 piece orchestra playing on the back part of the stage. The crowd went nuts even more. Dream Theater then came out and performed the 42 minute Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence in its entirity.

The orchestra stayed on stage for the rest of the show as Dream Theater performed Vacant from the album Train of Thought. The only album left was Octavarium, of which I knew they were going to perform the 24 minute title track. They didn't dissappoint with that. But first they played two other songs from that album. One in particular that was extremely touching, but at the same time painful, was "Sacrificed Sons," which is about 9-11, particularly the Twin Towers and NYC. Dream Theater is a New York band. This is their home. So it was very apropos to play that song here. And I now every New Yorker in the crowd was touched as I was. The encore of the show was the song "Metropolis Pt. 1" from their album Images and Words. A fitting end for the show.

I know I wrote a bit about the show, and if you're not a Dream Theater you don't get what I wrote. Let's just say that it was an amazing experience. And you if you have like progressive rock or metal in any fashion, you owe it to yourself to check out their music. I was lit up on the train ride home. A high that came from an evening of incredibe music. I can't wait for this show to come out on DVD.

Sunday was a day of relaxation, which I needed. I don't get many of those. Pictures of the birthday night to come soon! I promise!

Imagine This. . .

2006-04-09T20:58:00.000-04:00

(Written by me, April 1993 (in other words, when I was 17.))

Imagine this world was as beautiful,
As that flower about to bloom.
And that statement was true,
"The light and good will always shine through."

But I know this world isn't that pretty,
And light and good are just figments,
In a young child's mind, young as a flower,
A flower in the middle of a deep, thick forest.

Whose canopy, has for centuries, darkened the forest floor,
So that very little light from the sun reaches it.
There on the forest floor is where you'll find a place,
A place very similar to where my flower grew.

Sure it would have been nice to grow,
In those few well light places,
But most of the forest is in darkness,
Where the light and good don't shine through.

So the flower wilted for a time in the shade of the big trees,
Till it saw the other flowers blossoming and said,

"I want that!"

But deep in its heart of hearts,
It knew that it would never be in the light for a long time.

This made the flower said and it wilted some more.
It wanted to bloom like the others, but no light shined upon it,
Till it said, "Let me make my own light!"
So from deep within its roots a changed occurred.

Energy coursed through its petals,
And for the first time it blossomed.
The other flowers stared in awe.
They had never known any other light and good,
Except that which was given to them by the sun.

Now to see such light and good radiate,
From a flower in the darkness amazed them.
What surprised them more was that the flower,
Grew faster than all of them,
Because the light and good came from within.

It was strong than any light and good that,
Could ever come through the canopy of the trees.
That light and good didn't shine through,
And probably never would have.
That flower had to create its own light and good to survive.

Just like a life that has begun to bloom,
It needs to create its own light and good,
To live, to see, to enjoy beauty.
All the life has to do is remember light and good,
Come from within and just Imagine This. . .

Out of George Carlin's Mouth. . .So It's Has to Be Right

2006-04-05T20:48:00.000-04:00

On Men's Names:

"I hate guys named Todd. It think that's a goofy fucking name. All the boy names that have come along --Taylor, Tyler, Tucker, Carlson, Cassidy, Cody, Flynn -- they're not real names! A real name is Jim."

(Added emphasis is mine. . .of course.)

Thanks Mom and Dad for giving me a real name!

Happy Birthday To Me! (& Christopher Walken & Air America Radio)

2006-03-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again. March 31st. . .My Birthday! And this year it's one of those milestone birthdays. . . 30!

Finally out of the terrible tweens. Unlinke some people, I'm not depressed about turning 30. I am glad to get the 20's over. There were some good times, but there were also some tough times and hard lessons leared. I'm glad they're done with.

I'm more ok with myself now than I have ever been. I also know that I am more focused on what I want to get accomplished in life. So I am expecting great things in the coming years.

So what am I doing for the big 3-0? Well, I have the day off from work and I am waiting to hear from the mechanic, what the damage is on my car? It was overheating earlier in the week. So I am bummed at what it may cost, but that's life. Tonight, I am meeting up with friends at a bar/restaurant near my house for food, drinks and laughs. I am looking forward to that. And then, tomorrow I have tickets to go see my absolute favorite band, Dream Theater, play at Radio City Music Hall. What makes this show incredibly special is that it is their 20 anniversary and they are filming the show for a DVD! I can't wait!!

And then I'll spend Sunday recovering, because I am 22 no more. I'll make sure I post here some more.

Thanks for all your support and love the past year as I have blogged. I look forward to sharing many more birthdays to come with you.

(Edited to add)
This is the funny-ass card my Dad sent me. Those are my sisters, my Dad, his wife and of course, Dubya.

The inside read: "GIVE IT YOUR BEST SHOT. . .to Have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Now you see where I get my sick sense of humor from!

Finding Forgiveness

2006-03-20T15:47:00.000-05:00

Do you want peace? Forgiveness offers it.
Do you want happiness, a quiet mind,
a certainty of purpose,
and a sense of worth and beauty
that transcends the worlds
Do you want a quietness that cannot be disturbed,
a gentleness that can never be hurt,
a deep abiding comfort,
and a rest so perfect it can never be upset?
All this forgiveness offers you.

-Taken from –The Course in Miracles

Since New Year’s I have been working on “Forgiveness” as a major theme in my life. It was theme that ran through much of last year as I worked on reconciling with my father and forgiving myself of some things I have held onto for years. I continue to tackle this theme as I work on resolving my emotions regarding the comments (Read the events: Here.) of someone, who until recently, I considered one of my closest friends. (Or at least someone with whom I had a very special connection.)

I believe the words written above about Forgiveness are true. I know they are from experience. Then how come I am having such a hard time forgiving my friend?

He has called me a least five times since the beginning of January. And five times I have let it go to voice mail. I think the Universe was trying to tell me something one of those days. I had been practicing a mantra to help with forgiveness, mainly to change my attitude whenever I thought of this person.

“I forgive you, (insert name here), and I release you to the Holy Spirit.”

I had been saying that mantra all afternoon. So who calls that night? He does. Alas, the student (me) wasn’t ready and let it go to voicemail.

So I think the next post or two will continue on this topic. I know that I have to get to some point of forgiveness with this issue with my friend, if even so I do not carry such negative emotions. I know all the benefits of forgiveness, I am just having trouble with this particular situation. Perhaps it is because this if a friend and not a family member. No matter what happens in life, my father is my father. And with regarding to forgiving myself, I’m the one person I’ll have to deal with everyday of my life. But a friendship is something made by choice.

If you have words of advice or wisdom about how to make forgiveness work or stories how forgiveness has played a role in your life, please feel free to comment.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

2006-03-17T18:59:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone is wearing their green today! Myself, I am glad just to have another excuse to have a pint of Guinness. Not like I need another one really.

"What, it's Wednesday? Let's celebrate with a pint of Guinness!"

Awhile back I wrote about my Puerto Rican heritage, from my mother's side. On my father's side, I'm Irish. Go figure with a last name like "O'Gara!" I even have Irish citizenship. I have never visited the Emerald Isle, but, strangely, it feels like Home to me.

Next year, I plan on making my first visit to Ireland with my father and sister. I imagine the conversation with the Irish Customs Officer to go a little like this when I show him my Irish passport.

"Welcome home, Mr. O'Gara!"

"Thank you. I've been gone for too long?"

"How long have you been away, sir?"

"All my life."

Below is my family's coat of arms, taken from the official O'Gara Website.

This will be my next tattoo, on my right shoulder. On my left shoulder, I will get the crest of my mother's family, Clavell.

That way I honor both halves of who I am.

However, tonight I will drink Guinness instead of Barcardi & Coke (which has deep family meaning as I am a descendent of the Bacardi family), eat corned beef & cabbage instead of pernil and empanadas, and I'll sing "Whiskey In the Jar" and "The Tale of the Irish Rover" as loud as I can!

"My Name is, What? My Name is, What?. . . "

2006-03-13T10:59:00.000-05:00

At work, there is a place to access various needed forms through our website. You enter your name and the required password for the different sections. At first, I entered in my username for our network which consists of my first initial and then my last name, which is the same as my work email address

However, I learned recently that employees who did not have email addresses are still able to access the forms. This got me thinking and experimenting. I type in “Jim O’Gara,” the password, and it works. I type in “James O’Gara,” the password, and it works. I type in “Spider O’Gara,” the password, and it works

Apparently, so long as one has the right password, any name will work. Believe me, I’ve tried! Here is a list, in no particular order, of the names I’ve used so far:

Scooby Doo	Shaggy	Fred Flintstone
Barney Rubble	George Jetson	Spacely Sprockets
Willy Wonka	Veruca Salt	Augustus Gloop
Rikki Rocket	C.C. Deville	Nikki Sixx
Joe Satriani	Eddie Van Halen	Steve Vai
Valentine Michael Smith	Bilbo Baggins	Frodo Baggins
Gandalf the Grey	Samwise Gamgee	Legolas
Peter Gabriel	James Hetfield	Ozzy Osbourne
Zakk Wylde	Tom Dumont	Frank Zappa
Albus Dumbledore	Severus Snape	Harry Potter
Hermione Granger	Rubeus Hagrid	Alex P. Keaton
Connor MacLeod	Duncan MacLeod	Juan Sanchez Rameriz Villa-Lobos
Punky Brewter	Yogi Bear	Leonardo DaVinci
Peter Parker	Otto Octavis	J. Jonah Jameson
Bruce Wayne	Clark Kent	Hal Leonard
Professor X	Logan	Jean Grey
Stone Cold Steve Austin	Ric Flair	The Rock
Indiana Jones	Obi-wan Kenobi	Luke Skywalker
Jean Luc Picard	James T. Kirk	Geordi LaForge
Data	Q	Spock
Ron Jeremy	Chu Toi	Turner D. Century
Ray O’Light	Rachel Prophiling	Even Playenfeld

If you got all those characters, celebrities, and musicians, then you need a life!! Apparently, I do.

It is a good thing that some friends of mine, who work in the computer field, told me that a record of these names are kept on the company’s server somewhere before I tried “Heywood D’Jablomi.” Even though I know my entries are being recorded, why do I still enter in crazy names?

Simple, because I’m bored. And I know my company’s one IT guy is too busy with more important projects. Besides, if he ever questions why the great wizard Gandalf the Grey or Captain Jean Luc-Picard of the Starship Enterprise are downloading forms from my company’s website, then he will see that it is my computer that is the culprit. And he will laugh.

So I will continue to pretend to be Austin Powers or Anthony Robbins to alleviate both my boredom and the IT guy’s boredom. Perhaps I will even try Wang Chung tonight, just to have some fun tonight.

(C’mon, I know you’re singing that chorus now! “Everybody, have fun tonight/Everybody Wang Chung tonight.” Feel Free to give suggestions for names I should try in the future.)

30 to 30

2006-03-01T16:15:00.000-05:00

Today marks the 30 day countdown till I turn 30 years old. 4:36pm on Friday, March 31st will mark the closing of my thirtieth year on this planet Earth. I bet that makes my parents feel old!

So I am going to try to catch up as much as I can with posts I have promised this month as I approach this landmark birthday. Along the way, if any of you have any words of wisdom, advice, or nonsense about turning thirty that you’d like to share, please feel free.

Sunday's Music Recital

2006-02-28T09:46:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday, my guitar students had their annual recital. The music school at which I teach rents out Merkin Recital Hall at Lincoln Center, in NYC, and the kids get to perform a song to show their parents their work. Like most recitals there are the requisite performances of Fur Elise, Moonlight Sonata, Minuet in G (by Bach), and so on. Typical recital fare for parents to clap wildly for their 5-10 year old.

Now I don’t mean to sound cynical there. I am really proud of all the students who performed. It is something for a four year old to get up there and perform. That said, as a musician, there is only so many times I can hear these songs over and over again. Plus, I wasn’t able to really enjoy the recital as I had to play babysitter to the young kids and transport them from the balcony to backstage when it was their time to perform.

I want to share a story about one of my students, Maya. I have written about Maya before, in the post “Sometimes I Love Kids, Sometimes I Hate Kids.” Maya has ADHD and while being a creative student, she more often than not has trouble focusing. Half of our lesson would often be wasted in trying to get her to focus on playing. I was worried when she said that she wanted to participate in the recital because I wasn’t sure that she would practice hard enough to get a song down.

Amazingly, my doubts were proven unfounded as Maya did practice a lot. After two weeks of figuring out what song would work for her, she decided that she wanted to play and sing “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain.” For the four weeks before the recital, Maya was incredible focused in our lessons. She was always anxious for me to be able to tell that she had practiced. She went from not being able to play the chords in time, not being able to keep a beat, and not getting two of the three chords needed to sounding good to being able to do all three.

This is not to say that her performance wasn’t without flaws or mistakes. However, if I was to grade her I would have given her an A, because the effort and improvement that she put forth was worthy of such a grade. Before she went on stage, she was very nervous. I tried to allay her fears by telling her that however she performed, she had made an A in my book.

Maya took the stage and performed “She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain” with no fear. She tore right into and sang her heart out. Her parents were extremely happy, as was I.

Now here is the funny part of this tale. The week before the recital we are reviewing the song. The last verse is supposed to go, “We’ll be singing Hallelujah when she comes!” That’s not what Maya sang. She sang, “She’ll be singing Hallelujah when she comes!”

In my head, I couldn’t help but laugh loudly and think, “I bet she’ll be singing Hallelujah when she comes! And it’s been my experience that she often does!” Of course, I couldn’t say that out loud. Also, I had visions of the parents in the audience cracking up if Maya sang this at the recital.

So I said, “Maya, it’s very important that you sing “We’ll be singing. . .” for that last verse.”

“Oh, ok,” She replied, ”I was a little nervous there and made a mistake. I’ll remember that for the recital.”

Thankfully, she did.

Playing The Famous CBGB's

2006-02-23T12:32:00.000-05:00

My band is playing CBGB's Lounge tomorrow night. This will be the third time that I have played that famous club. I am going to make sure that this time I take pictures so I have proof for my kids, that I'll have one day.

"See kids, you're Dad was cool once and he played CBGB's!"

"Riiiiiight Dad, you were never cool!"

(Click to enlarge.)

Musicians

2006-02-16T16:34:00.000-05:00

Hell Yeah!!!

Holy Abominable Snowman, Batman!

2006-02-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

Hi Webheads,

It was just the other day that I was telling my friends that I wish we were having a real winter. January had gone down as the warmest January on record for New York. It felt like spring. I normally wouldn’t complain, but it was kicking my allergies in early. Normally, everything is dead in the winter and the cold air kills allergens. Not so this year. After some snow in December, it’s been really warm. On Friday, the weather report said we were going to have a snow storm, maybe blizzard, with 6-12 inches of snow starting Saturday afternoon and going until Sunday morning. On Saturday morning, the report had been revised to 8-12 inches with the snow starting in the evening hours.

I guess I should have known that the snow was going to be worse than expect when I left my lessons at 2:45pm and saw this cloud formation in the sky.

Not a good sign. On my drive to Jasmine’s place of work, the New York Hall of Science, the radio report said that the was going to be a bit intense overnight, particular 4am to 10pm. Again, moderate snowfall amounts. After getting to Jasmine so stuff for our band, I went over to my friend Chris’s apartment to watch ‘The Return of the King”, the last movie in an all day Lord of the Rings, extended version marathon. It was a fun evening as it the group quickly turned the movie marathon into “Mystery Science Theatre 3000” as everyone was making jokes, comments and references to other sci-fi/fantasy movies. I think the repeated Brokeback Mountain references, and referrals to “hobbit-to-hobbit love,” whenever Frodo and Sam were on screen got to be a bit much. “Mr. Frodo, I can’t quit you!” (Wrong! Just wrong!)

The snow was starting to fall heavily as I walked home at 12:30am. There was about a 1/2 inch on the ground and there was that silent tinkle sound that falling snow makes. I crossed Queens Boulevard and walked down Woodhaven Blvd towards my apartment. It was eerie out as the clouded night sky had a tinge of purple and the snow sparkled in the street lights. Both Queens Boulevard and Woodhaven Boulevard were empty traffic. And the walk home was quiet. It's never quiet in New York City, now matter what Borough you are in. There is always some audible underlying psychic chatter in the background even if there is no physical sound being made.

My bed and room were warm. Fleece pajama bottoms and cotton flannel sheets made for a toasty slumber. I awoke briefly around 8:30am, and looked outside. The wind and snow blew heavily. My bed called me back and I slept until 11:30. It wasn't until my father called late in the afternoon that I learned just how much snow had fallen. You see, I don't have television, or cable. I mean, I do have physical television to be able to watch DVD's, but it has no interaction with outside media. In Central Park in Manhattan, they had a record breaking 26.9 inches of snow!! That's 27 inches my book! Damn!

Now I know my friends are saying to themselves, "27 inches of snow is nothing! Wait until you get 1.21 meters, my friend!" (See, I know you guys use the metric system up there.) However, that's a shitload of snow for NYC all in one shot. (For those interested, a shitload is a whole lot more than a buttload.) You're not supposed to cross country ski in the streets of NYC!

It is quite uncommon to see snowmen in Times Square!

They look cute in Central Park with skyscrapers as backdrops, however.

For one day the City becomes magical as it is blanketed in white. There's no traffic, people are outside having fun. Sure the next day the streets and sidewalks turn to a nasty slush, but for the day of the snow fall, it's beautiful.

That said, the next time I think we can do with some snow I am KEEPING MY BIG MOUTH SHUT! Y'all can thank me as I suffer through allergy induced congestion headaches for keeping away the next 27-inches-of-snow-dumping storm Where's my Allegra-D?

(Side note: Rented "Napoleon Dynamite" and "The Incredibles" through Netflix to pass the time on Sunday in bed. I have to say "Napolean Dynamite" has to be on of the worst movies I have ever seen. I'd rather watch Ishtar again! That is 1 hour, 26 minutes of my life that I will never get back! I was so looking forward to "The Incredibles" to make up to the other movie, but it was so scratched it wouldn't play. Wooden Duck! End side note.)

Juror Z-2143, Please Come To The Juror Box

2006-02-08T23:11:00.000-05:00

So today I had to partake in my required civic duty as an American citizen and sit in the boring hell that is Jury Duty. Ok, so I haven't sat on a case yet. I just went through day one of jury selection. I have a feeling that after today's I won't be on any criminal trials. Today's case was a drug related case. A mother and daughter allegedly caught with herion and paraphenalia with intent to sell.

Judge: Is there any one here with members of family in law enforcement? This includes all federal, state, and local law enforcement, court officials and U.S. Military.

I raise my hand.

Judge: Mr. O'Gara, who in your family is in law enforcement?

Me: Well, there's my sister. She is a Staff Sergeant in the Army, recently returned from the 467th Engineering Batallion in Iraq. 8 years of total service. My father is a 25 year veteran of the police department of Rockville Centre on Long Island. My mother work as a court drug counselor in the drug court of Hempstead in Nassau County, Long Island. And my best friend of 20 years works is NYPD in a precinct in the town that this case takes place.

Yeah, I knew after I said that the defense lawyers wouldn't want me. The Assistant District Attorney, who was quite cute I might add, though, asked me further questions. Questions like did I think my mom's experience in drug court would color my opinions on drug case and my decision making capability on this case in particular.

"Well, yeah," I said, "my mom's experience has color my view of drug cases. Will it effect my ability to make a decision in this case based on what the judge says about law and whether you prove or not beyond a shadow of a doubt? No."

The Assistant D.A. ask further clarification. I reply, "The law is the law. That is what I have to make a decision based upon. Whether I believe that an addict will get the help needed in jail, that's a different story. That is how my mother's experience colors my view."

She seemed to like that. The defense didn't. What I didn't share was that I thought the whole drug court system over in Hempstead was fucked and that my mom had a shithead idiot for a boss and that most of the people going through there were going to get revolved around in a shit storm of a system. Sorry for the run in sentence.

What suprised me was that they didn't ask about my father's 25 years as a police officer sergeant. I would think that would color my views more, don't you? I mean, I disagree with my dad on a lot of points, but I know he's dealt with more scum that he probably wishes to remember. And I heard stories, saw stuff that most kids didn't get to hear. I loved what my dad said about racism and I'll combine it with what George Carlin says. So dad said, "I'm not a racist, I just hate everybody equally!" And he applied that to the mutts he dealt with. The mutts weren't all black or hispanic or white. There were fuck-ups of every breed. And you'd be amazed at the stupid shit they did. Ok, no you wouldn't. You're educated readers, you've been to the site The Darwin Awards.

Now I combine that with George Carlin and what he says about "innocent bystanders." There's no such thing. You were born. Your birth is proof of guilt. End of story. So the whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing. . .yeah, as much I am a liberal, I don't buy it. You get caught with by the police with herion, needles and other stuff. . . you had possesion of it. It wasn't planted. I mean, a crooked cop is going to plant a bag of weed of coke, but not a whole swarth of drug paraphenalia.

So yeah, I have a little bias, but who doesn't. And I can be impartial towards the Law. It is what it is, and the D.A. has to present the case, and prove it according to the law. That is what were are judging. I am not there to judge that whole system has failed, from the ground up.

I'm there just to be more bored and frustrated than at the D.M.V. And tomorrow I have to go back and sit in the general juror pool. At least they let me bring a book.

Oops, I Fell In The Gutter!

2006-02-03T20:31:00.000-05:00

I have a number of written posts in the work, but I have been way too busy to finish them. But I don't want to leave you, my faithful readers, un-entertained. So here are some funny videos I have found or people have sent me the past few months that will make you laugh. Well, laugh if your humor occasionally runs in the gutter, like mine always does.

God, these made me laugh when I needed it the most!

1. Ring My Bell

2. Flamethrower

3. Farting Preacher Part 4 (For information on this nut of an televangelist, read this Article.)

A Inexcusable Flip-Flop

2006-01-26T11:56:00.000-05:00

Just a warning up front. There will be major cussing in this post as the content of it pisses me off to no end. Also, I apologize for the little bit of yelling that I do.

There was a headline yesterday that read "Bush: Bin Laden Should Be Taken Seriously!" President Bush said the following:

"When he says he's going to hurt the American people again, or try to, he means it," Bush told reporters after visiting the top-secret National Security Agency where the surveillance program is based. "I take it seriously, and the people of NSA take it seriously. Now, I understand there's some in America who say, 'Well, this can't be true there are still people willing to attack.' All I would ask them to do is listen to the words of Osama bin Laden and take him seriously."

As a New Yorker I have to reply, "Ya think, you fucking idiot of a president!" I know what Bin Laden is capable of doing. The skyline of my City is forever changed because of that fucker. Now I wouldn't be pissed about Bush's comment if he hadn't said the following in March 13, 2003 and started an illegal, immoral and inept war against a country that hadn't attacked us and wasn't and imminent threat. (If you want links to proof that Iraq's nuclear capabilities were ten years away, I can find them for you.)

"He's just--he's a person who's now been marginalized. I don't know where he is. You know, I just don't spend that much time on him to be honest with you. I truly am not that concerned about him."

Well, Dubya, if you had taken him seriously from the time you took office, we wouldn't have had the 9-11 attacks! There has been enough documentation that shows that your administration ignored repeated warnings from the prior administrations staff, the CIA and others that Bin Laden and Al-Queda were a serious threat. (If you'd like me to add links to that documentation, I gladly will get those as well.) Even after the attacks you promised us that you would get him like the posters of the Old West said, "Wanted: Dead or Alive." You got to be fucking kidding me!! It's been over 4 years, Dubya, what's your excuse?!!!

Oh, I'm sorry, there isn't answer, Dubya! You weren't concerned with Bin Laden from the start. You were focusing on how to invade Iraq any which way possible. Plus, you don't want to catch him because his brother was your very first business partner. (Do a Google search on that topic and you will see plenty of documentation of that.)

Also, who in there right mind in this country is saying, "Well, this can't be true there are still people willing to attack."? Want to know who? NO ONE!! Because we all know that Osama Bin Laden is still free to run Al-Queda, we know that Al-Queda has grown stronger, not weaker in the past four years. The reasons that there hasn't been an attack on U.S. is that one, Al-Queda has been attacking other places (like Madrid, Spain) and two, they have the luxury of bidding their time for the right moment to attack.

Hell, Bin Laden won't have to attack us to destroy us. He said it clearly in his tape that was released just before the 2004 elections. He said that it only cost him $500,000 to attack us and we have spent billions upon billions to fight in Afghanistan and Iraq. He'll just wait until we bankrupt ourselves into collapse. (Just look at the Iraq War cost ticker I have on my side bar. At the rate it's going we could have paid every citizen in Iraq $25,000 (an awesome wage there) to oust Saddam for themselves.) Our country is in record deficit. This "MBA" President (and I use that term loosely because his Harvard University Business School professors said he was a horrible student) has borrowed more money that ANY OF THE PREVIOUS 42 PRESIDENT COMBINED!! Furthermore, Dubya is the ONLY leader in the COURSE OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION to have tax cuts in a time of war. Google those two facts. I am sure you will find them.

(Click to enlarge. Graph does not show 2004 & 2005 where the deficit grew to epic proportions.)

Here is a today's post by The Cunning Realist, a conservative blogger for whom I have much respect. He is straight up honest, ethical and a darn good writer. I really enjoy it because as I self-avowed Liberal, his blog shows that TRUE Conservatives and Liberals agree on a whole lot more than what our media spinmeisters would have us believe. Furthermore, his blog proves that the Bush Administration is NOT Conservative or Republican. They are something different altogether diguised as Republicans.

The Cunning Realist's post today says succinctly, and without cussing, the outrage of my post. I wish I could temper my anger as he is able. I guess I'm just frustrated because I have been shouting about Dubya's imcompetences and corruption since before the 2000 election. Why so many Americans believe the propaganda,lies and complete bullshit that have come, and keep from this Adminstation is beyond me!

Highlights of 2005

2006-01-20T09:54:00.000-05:00

This is by no means a complete list. I am sure there is lots more I can write about. A continuation may appear in the near future. So without any further ado, and in no particular order here are some of the highlights of my 2005.

-Reconciling with my father. Which reminds me, I need to give him a call.

-Breaking up with my ex-girlfriend AND getting to the point of being really good friends.

-Paying off one of my credit cards.

-Easter Weekend

-Playing B.B. Kings with Excuse Me, both times. (Read about it here and here.)

-Reconnecting with so many friends and making new ones.

-Reconciling with a cousin with whom I had a huge fight.

-Sharing my darkest secret with someone and letting down my walls.

-Seeing Spamalot, Queensryche play Operation Mindcrime in it’s entirety, Dream Theater again at Jones Beach Theater during the summer, Butch Walker three times at various venues.

-Reading Harry Potter, Book 6, Seeing the movies Serenity in the theater with Chris, 40 Year Old Virgin with J4UNC & KRSONE.

-Playing with Lil’ Steve, whom I miss very much.

-Making Rice and Beans at Xmas and getting my Grandma’s stamp of approval. (It’s her recipe.)

-Seeing Soulpatch, an awesome cover band, over my birthday weekend with Katie, and Tesser and singing loudly along to “I Want You to Want Me.”

-Going on vacation to the Outer Banks of North Carolina with a good friend and her family during the summer.

-Kelly coming home.

-Getting close to having a “six pack” stomach”, which I swear I will have this year!!

-Finally kissing a girl I have loved for many years. Perhaps the best kiss of my life. The fact it is simultaneously one of the worst kisses I have had makes the memory bittersweet. I guess it just adds fodder for some great songwriting.

-Remembering what it’s like to be happy for no particular reason.

-Settling into a new apartment situation in June.

-Writing and posting this blog. Keeping a record of the journey makes it easier to remember how far I have come when the times are tough and I feel like I am getting nowhere.

Martin Luther King Day, Prejudice Hurts

2006-01-18T10:22:00.000-05:00

On Monday, it was Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. It’s a day in the United States of America that we are to supposed to remember the life and dream of Martin Luther King, Jr. and his work towards civil rights and freedom for all. Obviously, this holiday is more important in the African-American community than others. Unfortunately, as a whole, I think the people of this country have become complacent about civil rights and equality for all men regardless of race or ethnic background. Many just see this as a day off in January and are just thankful that they don’t have to work.

Why am I taking time to write on this day, and about this day in particular, especially since I am not a member of the African-American community? Because I had a recent experience with racism and prejudice that I want to share. And I want to remind you that for King’s dream to be achieved, we still have a lot of work to do.

So even though you may have guessed otherwise from the pictures I have posted, I’m not White. Or should I say, I am not 100% White. For the purposes of the census, I get counted as Puerto Rican. My grandparents were born in Ponce, Puerto Rico. My mother is first generation to be born here in the United States. So that makes me second generation. My father is the son of and Irish immigrant. So on his side I’m second generation as well.I don’t play up my Puerto Rican heritage. It’s not that I’m not proud of it. I just don’t see the need to be flamboyant and plaster my car in the P.R. colors and flags. I don’t need to have P.R. flag license plate. And unfortunately, I’ve let my Spanish speaking skills lax since I haven’t had a class since high school. However, it is something that partially defines my being, defines who I am. It is something that I cannot not change about myself.

That said, I’m and American. I grew up in New York, attended American schools and churchs, and have been socialized American. I can’t move to Puerto Rico and fit in. Likewise, I can not move to Ireland and fit in, even though I have citizenship. I’m an American, through and through.

Now all of this is a preamble so you understand me and where I come from. The recent incident of racism and prejudice came from the most unexpected source. . .someone I considered one of my best friends. I know that is one reason this hurts so much. You see, I’m used to acquaintances or coworkers making a mean-spirited Puerto-Rican joke or a comment about a “spic.” To which I’d off-handedly say, “Usted sabes ques mis abuelos son de Puerto Rico?/You do know my grandparents are from Puerto Rico?” Then they quickly back-track and apologize, weakly, with some ineffective remark like, “Oh, sorry I didn’t know.” Or “yeah, but you know you’re not like those other Puerto Ricans!” As if comments like that make it right.

And what my friend said goes beyond the playful joking of playing on our respective stereotypes. I say respective because we are both products of mixed/minority marriages. That’s perhaps one of the biggest ironies here. I’m not going to share what my friend said because there is no need to repeat the ugliness.

“Blah, blah, blah, Puerto Rican, blah, blah, blah.”

I know we were both intoxicated. And I know that some things come out. “From drunken mouths speak sober minds.” But this comment whether said truthfully, or in jest, inebriated or not, was not a comment that ANYONE who considered themselves to be one of my best friends would have even considered ever uttering at any point let alone believing!

After the words left his mouth, I was stunned. And unlike the Northern Blue, I don’t stun easily. How could someone who called me one of their best friends just hours before say that? Furthermore, how could someone, who is a half-breed like me, say this especially when recounting stories, just hours before, of facing racism in the South after getting a dark tan in the summer?! “Oh, I didn’t think they let your kind in here!” type stories.

Also, my friend prefaced the statement with another equally fucked up statement that shows that he knew what he was going to say was going to hurt. “If it comes back to me that you told your sisters and your mom, I’ll be so pissed!” To quote Sheila Broflofski of South Park, “What, what, what!?!” What do you mean, you’ll be pissed? You already know that what you are going to say is going to piss me off and hurt! You already know that what you are saying is wrong!

I really don’t know how to communicate to my friend how much this hurts without ripping his head off both literally and figuratively. I have NEVER been this angry with anyone. When my ex-girlfriend and I used to argue she’d say, “Jim, you’re yelling.” To which I’d reply, “No, this is just a heated discussion. You have never seen me yell! No one has!” I want to yell at my friend. Part of me is just ready to unleash the full, fiery fury of a Triple Aries on him. I am a Fire Sign times three. That means I have to work three times as hard to be humble, calm or any other emotion that is an opposite of anger, arrogance, violence, etc.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!! IF YOU HAD SAID ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN THE BEGINNING OF OUR FRIENDSHIP WE WOULDN’T HAVE LASTED A WEEK LET ALONE YEARS!! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CALL YOU A FRIEND WITH ANY SELF-RESPECT? HOW CAN I HANG WITH YOU AND EITHER OF MY SISTERS WITHOUT DYING FROM THE PAIN INSIDE? HOW CAN I LET YOU TALK WITH MY MOM KNOWING WHAT YOU SAID? HOW CAN I HONOR THE MEMORY OF MY GRANDFATHER WHO FOUGHT IN WWII, WAS AT THE LIBERATION OF AUSCHWITZ, FIGHTING SO HIS FAMILY CAN LIVE THE DREAM OF LIVING IN AMERICA AND STAY “BEST FRIENDS” WITH YOU?

HOW CAN YOU HONOR YOUR PARENTS MARRIAGE WHEN YOU MAKE A STATEMENT LIKE THAT? THEIR 30+ YEAR MARRIAGE IS A TESTAMENT OF THE STRENGTH OF LOVE OVER RACISM AND PREJUDICE!! HOW CAN I LOOK THEM IN THE EYE AND SAY THAT “I LOVE YOU” AND CALL YOU A BEST FRIEND? HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT THEM AND SAY THE SAME!?!

HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT ME AND SAY THE SAME!

I think what saved my friend's life is that just hours before we came to the agreement hours early, "No more fights." Plus, I know that I can't respond to a statement made in fear with a response generated in fear as well. I need to get to the point where I can responsd with love.

I haven't gotten there yet.

I do know that this person is not my best friend. My best friends know that where my grandparents were born has NO bearing on the tenor of my character. My best friends appreciate and value my mixed heritage and the richness that it brings to my life.

So while I may have taken down walls and let this person in close, closer than other friends, there will now be "healthy boundaries." There has to be. I love myself, I love my family, too much.

That's the funny part. The day after I last saw my friend I had so many reminders of my Puerto Rican/Hispanic heritage. My co-worker brought in Puerto Rican pastries for breakfast. My sister and I went out to the dinner for Columbian food. I spent the evening with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I was driven home by my sister's friend, a full-blood Columbian, who is one of the most genuinely good persons I have ever met.

And I laughed and I cried inside. Because my friend will never again know the level of love and fun that I or my family have to give.

Prejudice hurts from where ever it comes. And like Martin Luther King, I have a dream that one day all of us will live in an America, in a world, where a man or women is not judged by the color of his/her skin, the happenstance of his/her parentage, the biological chance of their inborn sexuality, but by the content of his or her heart.

Until that day, I will stand with those who stood, and still stand, along Martin Luther King and I will peacefully fight for that change.

Edited to Add: P.S. I know this particular friend won't read this post because he doesn't have a computer.

Lessons Learned in 2005

2006-01-13T22:18:00.000-05:00

These little tidbits of life are in no particular order. It probably isn't a complete list. It's what been germinating in my head the past few weeks as I have travelled to work either by car or by subway. I will say that it is easier to jot them down in my journal when I am on the subway. Some were learned painfully, others by either "a-ha" moments or quiet contemplation. So with out further ado. . . .

- You can make friends anywhere. ( Canada, Florida, Maine, Canada again )

- I'm cool with being a geek, and in a perfect world the geek gets the girl.

- Excessive debt is not good.

- Spreading myself to thin is not good for my health.

- I appreciate the diversity of NYC more and more.

- "Unrequited love is never romantic." (don't remember where the quote comes from. But I will cite it when I find it.

- I should accept adortation of my looks from whomever, be they midgets or grandmas.

- Butch Walker rocks!

- Life really is all about the choices we make. Likewise, love is really all about the choices we make.

- "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." -Wayne Dyer

- Whether you operate with the system of "You'll see it when you believe it!" or "I'll believe it when I see it!", at some point you have to step from cynicism to belief if you are to see any change in your life.

- When it's 10 degrees F outside, (-12.2228 degrees C for my Canadian friends), it is wise to wear thermal underpants.

- Pain will come frome suprising places, or persons. You'll be more surprised, though, from where the healing comes.

- The ways into the cave are legion. The ways out are suprisingly few.

- There is only one way to win at the game of "Global Thermonucleur War." The only way to win is not to play. That lesson applies to a lot of things, not just video games. (5 points to the geek that gets that reference.)

- And repeating myself from July:

"Some dreams you hold onto and work out quickly. Some dreams need to get deferred for a time to the future. ("God's delays are not God's denial.") And some dreams may never get attained because of forces outside your control, so you let go of them to pursue the one's that can be achieved.

I think that some part of wisdom, and the pain of life lessons, is learning this distinction and making choices so you can live life without regrets (or as close to that as possible.)"

There are probably more, but that's enough for now.

My 1 Year Blogging Anniversary

2006-01-08T22:31:00.000-05:00

Hi. Today marks the anniversary of my first post. It is amazing how quickly the year has flown by. I started this blog as a way to journal the changes I went through at the end of my quarter life crisis. And what a year of change it was! I have had some amazing highs, and some incredible lows. I have seen a return to Who I Really Am and a discovering of who I will become and what I will not stand for in my life. (More on that last part there with the post that will come of Martin Luther King Day.)

The past few weeks have been incredibly stressful and busy for me. Probably more stressful than last new years when I was breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. Some of the details of that stress will come out in upcoming posts. Also, I know that I had wanted to do some catching up and cleaning on posts that I promised that I would write but never got to pubish. I'll recap some of them.

-From the Random Deep Thoughts and questions, I still owe all my post on the topic of Settling Down. Don't worry, it will come and I will not be kind.

-Posts about my heroes. I promise those will come.

-The Invitation - I really like this one so I will get to it. Probably by March.

-The Bush Administration’s Plan to Invade Iraq: Illegal and Immoral or “Wait, Wait, Don’t Lie to Me!”, The Bush Administration’s Handling of the War in Iraq: Incompetent and Immoral or “Son of Wait, Wait Don’t Lie to Me!”, & The Bush Administration’s Plans for After the War in Iraq: Indefensible and Immoral or “Return of the Son of Wait, Wait Don’t Lie to Me!”

Ok, those there I'm not going to finish. Why? Because if you can not see what a giant clusterfuck this Iraqi quagmire is, and how there is so much evidence that we were lied into a war, undertrooped and undersupplied, and how are continued to be lied to, than I am sorry my friend. You're head may be too far up your ass for any surgical procedure to save you. (I say that in the nicest of ways, of course.)

-Talking To John at Work - This one got lost in the mix, but I have to write about it. C'mon, taking a shit at work is always funny.

- A post that I have to do out of honor and love is about how I beat Carpal Tunnel Syndrome and the amazing lady who developed the system for me to do so.

Ok, other things to look forward to in the next couple of weeks. I will do a post about the lessons I learned in 2005 and then one on the highlights. I will also probably change the template of the blog in some fashion as well as the header line. I guess I'm not much in the end of my quarter life crisis when I have only about two months until I turn 30.

Wow. 30. It seemed so far away when I graduate high school at 17. That's ok. I'm looking forward to it. I like who I am now more than I ever did at 17. Or I should say, I am more comfortable with who I am and who I am becoming.

To everyone who has been following me through this journey, thank you from the deepest parts of my heart.